Are you a happy couple or an unhappy one but you are in love.Pick up some Tips for Building a life lasting Relationship

photo-1523975989600-f61068b1a4b3Ankur and Meeta have been married for  a number  of years now . They seem to have been having serious thoughts on their relationship already. The couple have been  staying with and without each other quite frequently in all these four years . One small tiff and the bags get packed . Meeta gets back to her mother’s house, or if she does not go out then it’s Ankur who would shift to the separate bedroom at the first floor of the house.  The accusations and blames keep them apart for a few months, till one of them apologizes.They come together and the honeymoon begins again .  Ankur’s mother has by now adjusted to their frequent bouts, as it has become a routine affair. Meeta wants Ankur should be dynamic in today’s competitive world and drop his laid back attitude .She would like him to move fast in his career ,and match the dynamism,she feels she is equipped with.For Ankur,the priorities are his family,his ailing mother who needs him and hence he feels satisfied with his progress.

couplesSomewhat similar  story has been going on between Bhuvan and Anita .Their 16 years of marriage has come to a stand still with both virtually accusing each other of neglect and  oppression .Anita blames Bhuvan of having neglected her  for  all their   marriage period. She feels she could have done better if she had adopted a career so that she could get away from the demands of married life. Bhuvan on the other hand feels oppressed, saying, ” She has been a very demanding wife and does not allow me to breathe freely .I need space of my own now”. he continues, ” from the day we began dating each other she has been like this always”.

But does it happen only after marriage. Not necessarily . Ashy and Neelu end up quarreling  on every date even though they would be making up soon. The new  issue would come at the next date .  For them ,it is wonderful feeling to be in love and date each other. The couple meets for awhile and then pine for each other till they meet at the next date.

images (6)While dating prior to the commitment made to each other for a long term relationship, everything is seen by the lovers  from behind the rosy shades of love and affection for each other. The emotions of possessiveness and yearning do not   allow the lovers to think of and bring in the mundane communication of a daily grinds of life.

It is definitely fine for short term love / date experiments .But being in a long-term relationship isn’t merely pining for the lover’s physical proximity and  intimacy alone. Being in long term relationships will involve managing and taking care of many other lives in addition to the lives of the lovers. And it is not an easy task.  Both people need to accommodate themselves to new family atmosphere and new relationships in their lives ( which come into their lives as an inheritance of marrying each other)  . May be a few years later  they will have to raise their own children  to make their family a complete unit.

The lovers need to  then communicate over many other issues in addition to the romance and love in marriage. The issues that gain priority over love may pertain to jobs and careers, money and household expense, household work and taking care of the babies, social, cultural and religious affairs, parenting and in many cases taking care of the aged and old in the families.

coupleAs a couple begins their journey into the long-term relationship of wedded bliss, their love for each other many a times may take a back seat and the love gets reduced to a few stolen kisses and quickies here and there. The couple forgets about nurturing and keeping the flame of love and desire for each other alive. Soon the infatuation of physical hunger wears off and then the focus shifts from the affection to the problems.

photo-1526736054478-78a346854f1bThe stark realities of need for more money, career priorities and of culture, of religion, and of family may cause concerns and small squabbles. Before these squabbles get blown into major issues and a beautiful relationship begins to disintegrate. The couple needs to understand that every relationship is important in life and more so with the one with whom you have to spend your life time.

Needless to say, that every difference and misunderstanding should be treated as worth working for and saving, once the infatuation begins to fade.

photo-1484660073876-32a014c54b24Communication in person and not on the social media , is the only tool and doorway to establish a better understanding. The couple, need to take  up all those problems that are causing strangled relationship .It is always good to keep the bedroom stories confined to  four walls of the personal  bedrooms .But should the couple  feel  they are  not able to communicate with each other without raising voices and angers , they should get the professional advise of the family  therapist and relationship  counselor.  The  airing of grievances in the family sitting room can aggravate the problems and cut down the love quotient. Isn’t it a fact that the love still exists, we just have to bring it to the fore again.

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