FAMILY THERAPY INDIA

How to Identify and Set Boundaries with Emotional Abusers and Difficult People

July 12, 2025 Ramneek Kapoor

Identifying Emotional Abusers

We had earlier written about emotional abusers on this blog, and we’ve received a very positive response from our large number of readers and clients. Many were able to identify the abuse in their lives and managed to deal with it.

We feel it’s important to identify difficult people, self-obsessed individuals, insistent personalities, and narcissists. People can be hard to deal with in many situations—whether in an employer-employee relationship, student-teacher dynamic, sibling interactions, and especially in marital relationships, where both partners can sometimes act difficult, insistent, demanding, self-obsessed, or narcissistic.

Various strategies have been identified and adopted to deal with such people—from being firm to using isolation or not responding to their demands.

But the most effective strategy so far has been setting boundaries. This helps make them understand how far they’re allowed to go and how much of their behavior will be tolerated.

The “Setting Boundaries” Method

This technique helps manage interactions with emotional, commanding, controlling, or narcissistic people. The idea is to subtly show them that no matter what they do, your response will be bland, unresponsive, and uninteresting—like a solid wall. They begin to feel that interacting with you emotionally will lead to dull, detached, and unsatisfying outcomes. This signals that you’re not interested in engaging with their behavior.

This mental boundary-setting strategy has worked well for many of our clients dealing with toxic relationships.

Benefits of Setting Boundaries:

Takes away control by denying the emotional reactions they seek
Protects your emotional well-being and mental health
Limits exposure to manipulation, insults, drama, and conflict
Reduces stress and anxiety in difficult interactions

How It Works

Setting boundaries isn’t complicated. It just involves using simple communication techniques like:

Keeping interactions short and to the point
Using a neutral tone and facial expression
Avoiding eye contact
Responding with short, non-descriptive words
Staying calm and emotionally detached
Offering no explanations
Not defending yourself

Some call this “grey rocking.” If someone uses these behaviors to keep a narcissistic, unpleasant, or abusive person at bay, it’s a valid approach.

Keeping Your Mind Balanced

This takes time and practice. But once you get used to it, navigating tough interactions becomes easier and less draining.

Here’s how you can stay balanced:

Practice perceptive mindfulness. Stay aware of your emotional reactions and learn to manage them.
Know your boundaries. Be clear about what’s acceptable to you and what’s not.
Prepare responses in advance. Think through common situations and decide how you’ll respond neutrally.
Seek support. Talk to a trusted friend or therapist about what you’re going through.

We at Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation are here to help.
Reach us by email at mansikpramarsh@gmail.com or give us a call.

Understanding the Real Causes Behind Oppositional Behaviours in Adolescents

September 9, 2024September 10, 2024 Ramneek Kapoor

Note: The names and stories in this article are fictional and used to illustrate common scenarios faced by adolescents.

Joseph, a twelve-year-old boy, never quite understood why he was constantly at odds with those around him. Whenever he tried to express himself at home or school, his words were often misinterpreted as defiance. His father would rebuke him, and his mother would end up in tears, often blaming Joseph for the conflict. At school, he was labeled the troublemaker, isolated by teachers and peers alike.

Jatin, a thirteen-year-old, faced a similar fate. His teacher singled him out as the class disruptor, forcing him to sit away from his classmates, amplifying his feelings of embarrassment and rejection. Every time noise erupted in the classroom, Jatin was the first to be blamed, even when the real culprits were other students. Despite recognising his innocence later, the teacher rarely corrected the misunderstanding.

Swara’s parents were equally puzzled. Their once calm daughter had begun shouting back at them and her teachers, behavior they couldn’t comprehend. They viewed it as sulking and brought her to therapy, hoping for a quick fix.

These cases are not isolated. Many children and adolescents, like Joseph, Jatin, and Swara, are often labeled by parents and teachers as defiant, difficult, or problematic. They are frequently referred to psychologists or psychiatrists for behavior correction and treatment for Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), ADHD, or similar issues. Concerns about aggressive outbursts, disrespect, truancy, self-harm threats, and even suicide attempts often drive parents to seek professional help. However, what often goes unnoticed is the underlying stress, trauma, and unhealthy family dynamics that contribute to these outward behaviors.

Teachers typically report uncooperative behavior to parents, who, in turn, resort to punishments or admonishments when corrective efforts fail. When these measures prove ineffective, they turn to mental health professionals with one primary expectation: “Just fix my kid.” Unfortunately, this approach overlooks the crucial role that parental involvement and a supportive, positive environment at school can play in managing and improving these behaviors.

Therapy alone is often not enough. Adolescents with ADHD, Dissocial Behavior, or Adjustment Disorder are likely to regress if they return to a negative or unsupportive environment at home or school. Without addressing the root causes and making holistic changes, relapse is almost inevitable.

In Joseph’s case, a few changes at school, combined with the support of an understanding teacher, led to significant improvement. He went from being labeled a troublemaker to becoming a favorite student among his teachers. Similarly, Swara’s parents became actively involved in her therapy, learning to adjust their expectations and create a healthier family environment. As a result, Swara became more tolerant and communicative, leading to a harmonious household.

We’ve observed that a comprehensive approach involving the entire family, as well as collaboration with school teachers, is the most effective way to treat conditions like ODD, ADD, ADHD, and Dissocial Disorder. At Family Therapy India and Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation, we advocate for a top-down approach that includes active participation from both parents and teachers. This holistic method has proven to bring about positive, lasting changes in the behavior and emotional well-being of children and adolescents without resorting to medication.

It’s important to recognize that behavioral challenges in adolescents are rarely about defiance alone. They are often expressions of deeper struggles that require understanding, compassion, and a collective effort from families, schools, and therapists to create a nurturing environment for these young individuals to thrive.

Coping with Betrayal: A Family’s Journey Through Post-Infidelity Trauma

June 6, 2024 Ramneek Kapoor

Discovering that her husband had been engaged in an extramarital affair for the past three years with a colleague was a traumatic shock for Shilpa (name changed) and her two children. The revelation devastated her, leaving her stressed and deeply depressed. It felt as though a heavy stone had struck her head. She felt dizzy, foreseeing a challenging time ahead for her and her children. Her heart sank as she saw her twenty-year marriage crumble in an instant.

Shilpa and Arun (name changed) had been married for two decades. They have an 11-year-old son and a daughter who had just turned 18 the previous week. Until this revelation, their family life had been typical of a middle-class, educated household. They experienced occasional arguments and some disputes between husband and wife or mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. However, no one could have anticipated that infidelity would threaten their relationship at a stage when it was believed that their marriage had weathered all storms and smooth sailing was ahead.

The traumatic stress that enveloped the entire family after the revelation of Arun’s affair must be understood in a broader context. It’s a common misconception that such a situation affects only the couple and has minimal impact on other family members. This is far from the truth; the emotional scars run deep for all family members.

The traumatic shock of discovering infidelity brings about intense stress for the entire family. The impact of such a revelation can be as devastating as a natural disaster, mentally, socially, emotionally, and financially uprooting the family. Post-Infidelity Traumatic Stress Disorder (PITSD) needs to be assessed not only on the family as a unit but also on each individual member.

In Shilpa’s case, the effects of PITSD were profound and pervasive.

The Wife’s Struggle with Self-Esteem and Trust

Shilpa lost all confidence in herself and suffered from low self-esteem. She couldn’t comprehend her husband’s infidelity, which shattered the world she had built around him over twenty years. She frequently experienced somatic pains and sleeplessness. At times, her memory was affected, and she would forget minor details about herself. Although frequent visits to her psychiatrist and psychologist provided some relief, the persistent pain and the haunting question of “why” kept resurfacing. Recovery from PITSD seemed like a distant goal for her.

The Children’s Silent Suffering

The children also suffered from PITSD. The looming breakup of their parents’ marriage cast a shadow over their lives. Their son, unable to side with either parent, retreated into silence. He spoke in low tones and used very few words to express his needs. This resulted in neglect of his studies and self-care. However, the situation brought the siblings closer together, offering each other the comfort and support their parents could no longer provide.

The Daughter’s Emotional Turmoil

The daughter struggled to cope with the situation. She believed that if she had paid more attention to the family dynamics over the years, the affair could have been avoided. She was engulfed in self-remorse. Any discussion about the affair triggered severe depression, and she would start crying uncontrollably. Her father, whom she had seen as an infallible hero, had let her down profoundly. She ended up fighting with both her parents multiple times a day, refusing to listen to any explanations from her father. She developed an eating disorder, and her physician diagnosed her with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). PITSD doesn’t affect just one individual; it disrupts the entire family system. As family therapists, it’s crucial to focus on the couple as a single unit, but in such cases, it’s evident that the sub-systems within the family also need as much attention and intervention as the main couple.

The Strain on the Unfaithful Spouse

The revelation of infidelity is traumatic for the unfaithful spouse too. Arun felt miserable, knowing his children were aware of his actions. He faced constant guilt and the wrath of his partner. A defiant attitude had been manageable while dealing with his spouse alone, but the reaction from his adult daughter and adolescent son was too intense to ignore. Consequently, his business suffered, he experienced nightmares, and visits to the family therapist became frequent.

Addressing Post-Infidelity Traumatic Stress Disorder (PITSD)

PITSD is a condition that needs to be taken seriously. The profound impact on all family members requires a comprehensive approach to healing. Here are some essential steps for addressing PITSD within a family:

Acknowledgment and Acceptance: The first step is to acknowledge the pain and accept that healing will take time. Both the unfaithful spouse and the betrayed partner need to recognize the trauma caused by the infidelity.
Therapy for All Members: Individual therapy for each family member and family therapy sessions can help address the emotional wounds. A professional therapist can guide the family through the healing process, providing tools to cope with the trauma.
Open Communication: Encouraging open communication within the family is crucial. Each member should feel safe to express their feelings and thoughts without fear of judgment. This can help in rebuilding trust and understanding.
Support Networks: Leaning on support networks, such as friends, extended family, or support groups for those affected by infidelity, can provide additional emotional support and practical advice.
Self-Care and Coping Mechanisms: Each family member should be encouraged to engage in self-care practices and develop healthy coping mechanisms. This can include physical activities, hobbies, or mindfulness exercises that promote emotional well-being.
Setting Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries can help in managing interactions and reducing conflicts. It’s important for each family member to understand and respect these boundaries to create a safe environment for healing.
Rebuilding Trust: Rebuilding trust is a slow process that requires consistent effort. The unfaithful spouse must demonstrate genuine remorse and commitment to change, while the betrayed partner needs time and space to heal and eventually rebuild trust.
Focus on the Children: Special attention should be given to the children’s emotional needs. They may require additional support from school counselors or child psychologists to help them process their feelings and cope with the changes in their family dynamics.

Infidelity is a painful and challenging experience, but with the right support and strategies, families can navigate through the trauma and emerge stronger. Understanding the profound impact of Post-Infidelity Traumatic Stress Disorder and addressing it with empathy and care is essential for the healing process. Each member of the family deserves attention and support to rebuild their lives and move forward.

Selecting the Perfect Family Therapist for You

May 8, 2024 Ramneek Kapoor

It’s commendable that you’ve made the decision to seek help from a professional family therapist after much consideration and encouragement. This is an important step towards addressing the issues within your family dynamics. To ensure that this endeavor is fruitful, it’s essential to choose the right therapist who can understand your situation, provide insights, and assist both partners in making informed decisions with confidentiality.

Choosing a family therapist is not merely about finding a professional to listen to your concerns; it’s about selecting a compassionate and knowledgeable guide who can navigate through the complexities of familial relationships.

Take Seema’s experience, for example. She faced marital challenges but was hastily taken to a psychiatrist/psychotherapist by her family, overlooking the underlying relationship issues. This rushed decision led to wasted time and resources, as well as unwarranted stigma attached to Seema.

To avoid such pitfalls, consider the following guidelines:

Research Online: Begin your search by exploring family therapists in your area or those who are available for sessions online. Pay attention to ratings and reviews from verified clients.
Seek Recommendations: While discussing personal matters with friends might be challenging, remember that family therapy encompasses a broad spectrum of issues affecting various family members. Some friends or family might have valuable recommendations based on their experiences. Keep in mind the importance of confidentiality, but also remember that all therapy sessions are strictly confidential.
Review Client Feedback: Read comments and recommendations from previous clients to gauge therapist satisfaction levels. Trust your instincts when evaluating feedback.
Consider Therapist Gender: Choose a therapist whose gender you feel comfortable with. Some clinics offer both male and female therapists, and some even provide couple therapy with both partners.
Differentiate Between Family Therapists and Psychologists: Ensure that the therapist has specific qualifications and credentials in family therapy, in addition to a psychology degree. Family therapists specialize in relationship dynamics within families, while psychologists focus more on individual psychological issues.
Schedule Appointments: Don’t procrastinate reaching out to therapists. Make phone calls to discuss your needs briefly and schedule appointments for in-person visits. While online counseling is an option, face-to-face sessions may be preferable, especially if multiple family members will be involved.

By following these steps, you’re on track to finding a family therapist who can provide the support and guidance needed to navigate your family dynamics effectively.

Why Couples Get Stressed and Look at Partners as -“Not So OK Spouse”- Hope It’s Not Happening to Your Family

April 21, 2024 Ramneek Kapoor

Rhea (name changed) had been wondering where had she gone wrong in her decision to make her marriage a dream marriage that she had always dreamt about.

She had wanted her marriage to be a mean to her happiness and love. She wanted to share a home full of marital bliss with her life partner Sam. Those two had always been looked upon as if they were a kind of made for each other couple during the six month long courtship. It wasn’t long since everyone at their reception ceremony had praised their complementing and completing each other .

Yet something went wrong immediately after they had returned from their honeymoon. She to utter dismay felt that she was not able to cope up with the demands being made on her by the family members of Sam. She was feeling bad that she had not come up to the expectations of her mother in law. Her husband would often find her guilty of having upset his mother. Her mother in law would insult her, in the kitchen and would not allow her to cook anything.

If she had really been trained to be a housewife only things would have been different. She has been a professional programmer in an I.T. company and her husband who worked alongside her in the same organisation knew it very well. Then why this sudden demand of attending to household work .She would get into the bed room to discuss the post wedding trauma with her husband who often refused to discuss anything about his mother’s stand.

Jatin’s (name changed) wife had left home to be with her mother for a week, has not returned now for many months as she decided to get out of the marriage because Jatin has not been taking her out to their regular pub joint after marriage as had been promised by him before they got married.

Ruby and Rohit (names changed) had a long history of having been in love with each other from their childhood days and their courtship continued for more than twenty years before they decided to tie their knot. But after marriage everything turned tipsy turvy when Ruby found out that Rohit had been two timing even when he was into relationship with her .

Some of these young people may appear to be living next to us or people could be within us. But young marriages are not the only ones having jolts and jitters. Couples in their fifties and sixties years of age too have been having tough time in current situations as they either moot separation or move forward to a divorce.

Said Sudhir (name changed) “Our journey towards a blessed relationship of matrimony happened 19 years ago. We have two sons (17 and 12) . Recently I saw my wife talking to someone on social media Thereafter it has been a journey full of hardships and everyday fights. My marriage and its subsequent outcome had far-reaching effects on both my emotional and physical heath, as well as my self esteem and personal identity. I have decided to end this tortuous relationship.

Marriage is changing and evolving. Its meaning in all strata of society, be it young, old, middle aged couples ,any income group is not the same any more .

We have had and we continue getting couples from any age group ,financial and milieu as you have read in some of the cases mentioned above .

A life long commitment to matrimonial relationship is a turning into a burden for some of the young couples .And some of the elderly couples feel it has been a difficult journey . They want to bring it to an end .But the decision to separate , from your partner with whom you have been planning to turn your dreams into a reality and walk hand in hand with each other ;to separate marital life to finally making the decision to proceed with a divorce and to coping with the stress and heartache is not so easy either ..

This is where we at Family Therapy India can help couples like above and many others who are facing turmoils into their relationships .

Our Family Therapy ,Relationship and marriage counselling sessions can help you change your life for the better.

You can learn how your personal choices are affecting your life, and that your happiness is up to you. You can’t always change your circumstances, or the situations you face in your life, but you can change how you act or react to those circumstances. It is up to you to decide what your future will look like, and to create your own happily ever after. Our family therapy ,Relationship and marriage counselling can help you find yourself, and let go of the feelings of anger, frustration, betrayal, and despair that are holding you back. It can teach you how to set goals and move toward a positive and successful future within your marriage, You can learn how to make permanent, lasting changes that benefit both of you and of course other members of your family.

Our Emotions Focussed Therapy and Counselling can help you regulate your emotions and learn the process of the best decision making on personal, financial, and practical aspects of your life that will develop better understanding for you and your partner to reaffirm your relationship.

We offer Family therapy , relationship and marriage Counselling sessions for families ,men, women and couples who are living with children, recently married, thinking of separation, getting a divorce, or experiencing relationship difficulties .We strongly believe in helping all those couples who are facing difficulties within their relationship at any age to understand each other’s mental and emotional state . We help them to set their communication better and overcome obstacles that are preventing them from achieving the happiness they deserve.

Get in touch with us today or write to us mansikpramarsh@gmail.com