mental health – FAMILY THERAPY INDIA

Is your uncontrolled anger damaging your relationship with your spouse ?

August 20, 2026August 20, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Nothing else can be as fatal for the marital relationship as your anger. An uncontrolled anger is like a slow poison to the strong threads of relations between husband and wife .The uncontrolled anger virtually eats into the very roots of love,trust and respectability of both the partners .

I have observed while counseling estranged or opposing spouses that couples would often express their anger and resentment towards each other and after a while they tend to cool down when educated about their misplacement of their emotions or expectations from each other.

However heavens may help in situations where one of the spouses happen to have an uncontrolable anger . Such expression of constant complaints and anger often leads to physical abuse ,emotional accusations against each other and ultimate separation.

Anger is not so bad if used momentarily and allowed to subside and defused once it has been expressed. The message that the angry person has been upset over certain issues or acts of either spouse can be conveyed and thereafter both would do better to come to the levels of finding ways to negotiate peace and make amends .

There comes a stage when the partners need to involve a professional family therapist who can help them look at their differences or different perceptions in new light to sort out the disputes .Such intervention is arranged with a view to evolve newer and better emotional understanding amongst the couple ,even though the previous hurt still remains at the background. But the seething anger has been overcome as the partners give each other opportunities to grow their new closeness and understanding.

But many a times the harmed partner particularly wife finds it difficult to let go of the past and forgive her husband. Her anger seethes like a wild fire that knows no direction ,hovering over the relationship and destroying everything that comes in its path .Such situation finds no retrieval and the couple sooner or later ends up parting ways through legal separation,or finding it difficult to stay together peacefully.

A partner with such an uncontrolled anger often brings to the fore the mistakes of the other partner,by shaming him or her at every available opportunities,refuses to listen to any explanation by the partner and believes no compromise can be big enough to solve the problems which have arisen in their relationship.

An understanding partner can help coverup many shortcomings ,mistakes and at times blunders of the other partner unless it happens to be a complete erosion of trust and faith.But in the event of such a situation too,the partners need to sit together by letting the anger go and understand how to proceed with their relationship further or even give it a break by inflicting the minimum damage to the family and partners themselves.

It is important that both husband and wife should pay attention to their anger control and if they find that their relationship is getting affected by such frequent bursts of anger. They should consult a counseling psychologist and family therapist .A trained professional counselor and family therapist would help them with relevant anger management therapies including perceptive breathing exercises .

Family therapist during meeting with unhappy, married couple

While there are enough advisors in every social circle to guide and help the estranged or fighting couples but such unprofessional approach unknowingly out of their ignorance can ignite more anger or mistrust towards each other often leading to frequent accusations. As far as possible couples should avoid such agony aunts for their own betterment .Repeated complaints, frequent bickerings and trying to put down the partner or staging a show down for your partner just because you are angry with him or her can on the contrary take the love out of relations,resulting into the damaged partner finding solace elsewhere .No partner in the right mind who values relationship would like to be in such an embarrassing situation .Anytime you feel angry with or at your partner ,give yourself sometime to think over if the confrontation can be through anger or matters can also be discussed without losing control and being firm in your tone and body language.

,If you have such uncontrolled anger /domestic violence situation You should come to us at Family Therapy India and we will help you resolve all issues of your marriage in more amicable manner .Find us @ http://www.familytherapyindia.com.

Email us @mansikpramarsh@gmail.com

Call: 09179383554,917314263087

–Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert .

Young Children do not listen to their parents- Understanding Oppositional Defiant Disorder

August 7, 2026August 7, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

A young lad or lass in his or her teens need to be paying attention to the school curriculum and playing with the mates but instead if a child of this age become a problem for the family and the school , there is bound to be a cause and consternation amongst the family, teachers and the well wishers of the child and the family.

We have recently been getting some cases of young children behaving oddly in the families . The young ones defy their parents even for small errands . They insist on not going to schools . These children refuse to listen to their parents. Some of them go even to the extent of fighting back with their parents.

The parents have to understand that children usually are defiant .They like to oppose their parents for many reasons. Obedience may not always be expected too. We all will like to have independent thinking , self decision making children if the decisions made by them meet our expectations. During their normal growth and development , individualism of human nature does exert itself at times when oppositional behavior against the order and the expected gets expressed even by the young.

The young children want to grow up and their desire to gain freedom from control gets intense, around the ages of two and three, and again in early adolescent years .

For any parent however an uncooperative, disobedient and aggressively hostile behavior of their ward becomes a serious issue when it is frequently , fiercely and arrogantly expressed by the child.

Opposition of any kind by the child becomes glaringly visible when it is compared with other children’s visible obedient and docile behavior .

This kind of defiance and disobedience gets very strainful and stressful for the parents and other members of the family. It affects the academic life of the child in addition to being counted as an unsocial child within and outside the family circles .

Looking for the the signs of Oppositional Defiant Disorder : It’s not easy for any parent to notice differentiation between normal defiance and the oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) from age related normal defiant behavior by their children . Symptoms of the disorder start appearing , in noticeable happenings on various occasions.

Child and parental conflict related problems are common in families.

Families have various levels of tolerance for the opposition by their children . In some, a disgruntlement to the rules produces major stress for the parents , while in more friendly , social and tolerant families , opposition by children and occurrences of bad behaviors by the kids are largely overlooked till such times as they cause relationship problems .

In children affected with ODD, a systematic pattern of , anger, aggression and the uncooperative, defiant, and aggressive behavior toward authority can be seen. Such opposition by the young ones regularly hampers the day to day functioning within the family . The children suffering get flayed tempers at times. These children become hot headed and short tempered.

They argue with adults. They take pleasure in fighting back against adult rules.They refuse even minor adult requests. They look for opportunities to deliberately annoy others.

The same defiance continues – at home, in school, in the neighborhood .

Such behavior is not necessarily the result of a conflict with a particular parent or teacher.

They begin with holding others responsible for their mistakes.They become grumbling kind and they often behave touchy, arrogant , resentful, spiteful and vindictive. Some children engage in mild physical aggression and fight back physically too . Their language becomes aggressive, abusive and obscene. A kind of power struggle within the family begins with these children.

Their struggle may be noticed in terms of food for choice, clothes to wear or simply in selecting a place to sit too. During infancy oppositional episodes must have occurred at the time of their feeding, eating, toilet training, and sleeping etc. , but went unnoticed because of motherly love and affection . Children with ODD regularly insist on postponing the work in home and at school and they find strange reasons to procrastinate.

They ignore parental directions and their teachers orders. They would often pretend to forget or fail to hear . They are often referred to for memory exercises but we have to understand that it is not the memory or hearing problem but the problem relates to obeying what was expected of them.

As the child grows up the issues such as keeping the room neat, taking baths, doing home work on time , not watching television for longer times, not interrupting while elders are talking or talking back, crop up.

In all such small small quarrels and fights , winning becomes the most important aspect of their struggle. At times a child with ODD will deliberately forego and rather lose cherished privileges, in order to prove a point and win the argument. The child will exhibit .continuous opposition within the home environment. He or she will act completely resistant and uncooperative in the class room . On a serious side the child continues with his or her defiance towards the established authority . The child may not be in a position to understand the difficulties or even get an inkling of his or her being in the wrong.

Such children as said earlier look for the reasons of their troubles in others behavior and in the other circumstances. external circumstances. There is always an inherent scant respect for the the rules and discipline. The child enjoys challenging anyone who exhibits some kind of authority.

How can we help you: At Family Therapy India ,our special program for managing Oppositional Defiance Disorder is supported to help children and adults to overcome the symptoms associated with ODD by our regular daily counseling sessions/mental exercises/ preksha meditation and Kayotsarg. Hundreds have benefited, it is your /your child’s turn now.  Call 09179383554 or email: mansikpramarsh@gmail.com.

Have you been very angry lately and find it difficult to control?

June 16, 2026June 17, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Veena a company general manager swerved her car swiftly from hitting the road divider on the highway on way back home from the office, as the driver of another car overtook without any warning or flashing the indicator. In a reflex action Veena lowered side window glass and threw expletives on the driver of the other car. She could see a lady driver in the other car too appearing to be in a hurry to reach home after the office . “It could have been the end of my life today”, thought Veena,who was in a hurry to reach home much before her husband would make it .

“Possibly the lady driving other car too has an enraged husband waiting at home . That’s why the lady appeared to be in a hurry or it is likely that she has a sick child waiting at home”, justified Veena to herself . She found the other car drivers behind her honking , who had been equally disturbed by her abrupt change of direction to the right of the road . She breathed a few more swearing as she eased her car on the road again. Such a scene has become quite common in almost all towns where people appear to be in a mad rush with the surge of anger seething under their breaths. Veena could cool anger by feeling empathy for lady driver of the other car. But how many of us can actually feel such an empathy for the one who has been the cause of our anger .

We seldom develop charitable opinion towards any one whom we feel has tried to hurt us or has been the cause of physical,emotional or mental harm to us.We would often first flare up and may be much later try to justify our anger towards the person. Veena could come out of angry stance much faster without causing any kind of damage to physical or emotional self as she had immediately associated the other person’s doing with more charitable view point. But for a minute let’s just think that Veena had responded instead with a rage and seething anger to the situation .In such an event she could have felt hypertension, anger, emotional hurt and a sense of insecurity of the road rage in her mind already occupied with many other issues of otherwise busy life at home and in her office. Veena’s open mindedness and her attitude of reflecting and then reacting actually saved her from many could have been negatives .

We have been talking of , “How to understand and handle depression” and also, “How to manage our emotions” .In order to do that we have to first learn that the word depression is not a situation of single event, it is in truth accumulation of many other events taking place in our psyche and physical self . The depression when analysed from such point of view reveals that, restlessness, irritation, anger, negative thinking, negative emotions, worry, melancholy ,feeling of isolation , lack of passion, absence of self worth and even absence of sympathy/empathy all put together become the manifestation of depression. Should we not then really focus on taking care of each of these components and rectify/control/ /or cure them individually /cumulatively to get rid of depression from our mind.

While talking of anger we realize that this particular mood is the most difficult one for all of us to manage and control.Even in anger the rage is the most damaging kind of reaction where the mind loses its power of reason and logic on account of its intransigence nature. The rage makes us most vulnerable to not only damage the perpetrator but also ourselves. Some of us might feel that if the perpetrator has damaged us then we must take it out on him and then we feel relieved . Well to each his own viewpoint but the fact remains that ,”anger is never without a reason but seldom a good one”.

But going back to Veena’s state of mind, her anger definitely arose from the sense of danger to her physical self and to that of her property(her car). But if she had not controlled herself , there would have been a chain reactions of her rage . Her foul mood would have persisted even after she had reached home would have found its victim in her children and her husband. Her emotional turmoil however soon died down as soon as she developed a more charitable and logical attitude towards the driver of other car.

The lesson learnt, “As far as possible whenever a situation for rage builds up pause for a second and logically analyse the situation. This itself will bring down the intensity of the anger and subsequent rising of the tempers”.

Let us analyse one more situation. Maharishi family has come out for a dinner with another family friend of theirs to a high class restaurant known for its elegant ambiance. As soon as the waiter had placed soup dishes on the table , Mrs Maharishi’s younger child insisted on serving the soup into her dish herself. The young baby could hardly handle the hot dish and she found herself spilling the soup all over on the table.

Mrs Maharishi burst out in anger and hit the baby hard on her back . The loud yelling of the baby startled a passing by waiter. The tray he was carrying had slipped out of his hands pouring the dish down on the customers sitting on the nearby table. Loud arguments followed in the restaurant . Eventually embarrassed Maharishi family walked out of the restaurant in a huff with their guest walking out without eating .

Many a times it would so happen that the anger comes to us in a sequence of various events and by the time we realize what has happened we end up losing control of the situation completely .This anger as we saw in the restaurant begins with one small event later on building up on the subsequent emotional reactions of angry outbursts.We just saw that anger had been building up on the earlier anger and the entire atmosphere had been converted into the inflamed oven of angry moods in the restaurant. The anger that had been just started with a small event got so intense after it found its subsequent hijacking devoid of any reason or logic .When we are engrossed into the angry atmosphere we just lose our sense of being and get carried away. This kind of anger had been built up not by the threat to the physical self but to the perceptive respectability, and disciplined family image of the Maharishi family . Mrs Maharishi felt insulted by the behavior of her child in the presence of her guests .She had hit the child rather than at that time she should have been taking control of the situation and calmed down the child.

Lesson learnt :Do Not immediately flare up and react instantly, more so when you have others around you.Take cognisance of the situation, Breathe awhile and let the anger subside within you, . You can always reflect later .Otherwise always remember that anger builds up on anger and sends an uncontrolled rush of emotional upheaval throughout the body damaging all reason and cognitive guidance of the mental faculty .

Let’s reflect on how to calm down in such situations .One way to handle anger is to allow a deviation of the mind like in Veena’s case where she had thought of empathy for the person causing the anger. Such deviation allows the mind cool down and develop a power of understanding within itself . Such power is very helpful in calming the mind always.

But in the other situation like that of Maharishi family the right way would have been to divert the attention of everyone from the scene but the intensity of the anger had been very high and hence the cognitive capabilities had been hijacked for everyone. Should we really allow that. Think how a little scolding can work better as compared to the only way of losing control of the situation and the mind completely.

Manoj and his wife had been having argument for over a week now over some trivial matter. His wife noticed that every time the argument had begun Manoj would simply slip out of the house and return much later after her temper had died down. She followed him in their next bout of angry expletives .Manoj had gone to the temple nearby and he sat amongst the bed of flowers in the green lawns of the temple. She sat next to him as he moved aside to offer her more space. All that was causing trouble in them had been forgotten .They both decided to come to the same place next time an argument would start among them.Manoj told her that he would always allow himself a cooling down period every time he lost his temper , by coming to the calm and serene garden. Such distraction really works wonders on the mind and makes it one with the atmosphere .

Lesson learnt : Move out to the place of your liking when you get angry. The place can be the garden nearby, a place of worship, a coffee shop, a favourite restaurant, a small drive around the corner .There you can reflect calmly on the atmosphere around rather than pursuing the train of anger from which you have just execused yourself .

Such actions appear very ridiculous in nature but they work very powerfully on our mind and bring down the rising temperatures in no time.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist , Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert .

Family Always Comes First

Worried woman sitting at a kitchen table with phone and papers

The Quiet Damage of Emotional Abuse

April 19, 2026April 19, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

“I still don’t understand how he could control me so easily, like I was a puppet, and why I kept giving in every single time.” Tina said this much later, when she finally had the distance to see things clearly. At the time, she could feel something was wrong, but she did not have the words for it.

Eventually, she understood what it was.

Emotional abuse.

Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

You might think abuse should be obvious and easy to point out, but emotional abuse rarely works that way. It does not show up loudly, and it does not leave visible damage that others can see. Instead, it builds slowly and quietly, affecting how you think, how you feel, and how you see yourself.

You notice something feels off.
You feel drained after simple interactions.
You start questioning your own reactions.

And yet, you stay.

Over time, emotional abuse begins to weaken your sense of self in ways that are easy to miss at first. You may get blamed for things you did not do, while your emotions are dismissed as overreactions. Your version of events gets questioned so often that you begin doubting your own memory. At some point, your focus shifts, and instead of asking why this is happening, you start asking what is wrong with you.

That shift changes everything.

The person causing harm often does not look harmful to others, which makes your experience even harder to validate. They may come across as calm, reasonable, or even caring in public. When you try to speak up, you might hear that you are too sensitive or that you are creating problems. After a while, you start believing it.

You stop trusting yourself.
You stop explaining yourself.
You start staying quiet.

Emotional abuse is not limited to romantic relationships, and that is something people often overlook. It can exist between parents and children, friends, colleagues, or extended family members. Power usually plays a role, even if it is not obvious at first. One person slowly takes control, and the other adjusts just to avoid conflict.

You begin to shrink parts of yourself to keep things steady.

Certain patterns tend to repeat in these situations. You may experience subtle threats that create fear and keep you from speaking freely. Constant criticism can make you feel like nothing you do is enough, even when you are trying your best. Your opinions may get dismissed so often that you eventually stop expressing them, not because you agree, but because you feel exhausted.

You may also feel unwanted while still being expected to stay. That creates a confusing dynamic where you are present but not valued. Isolation can follow, where you slowly drift away from friends or family, sometimes due to guilt or pressure. As your world becomes smaller, your dependence on the same person increases.

Blame plays a strong role here as well. You may find yourself apologizing often, even when you are unsure what you did wrong. Over time, this creates a deeper belief that you are responsible for the situation. You may even start feeling sympathy for the person hurting you.

That is where it gets dangerous.

You begin to believe you deserve this.

If you are in a situation like this, start by being honest with yourself about how you feel in the relationship. Ask yourself if you feel safe, respected, and heard consistently. Notice if you are constantly second-guessing your thoughts or walking on edge around the other person.

Do you feel like yourself anymore?
Or are you adjusting just to avoid conflict?

Talking about your experience can help, even if others do not fully understand at first. Reaching out to a therapist or counselor can give you clarity and help you see patterns more objectively. Setting boundaries matters, but following through on them matters even more.

You do not need permission to protect your mental and emotional well-being.

And keep this clear in your mind as you move forward. Someone being perceived as good by others does not mean they are good for you. Your experience is valid, even if it is not visible to the outside world, and that distinction matters more than you think.

If you find yourself in a situation like this, reaching out for support can make a real difference. At Family Therapy India, you can speak with professionals who understand these patterns and can help you work through the challenges in your relationship in a healthier, more constructive way.

Phone/Whatsapp: +91-9179383554

Man and woman back-to-back with a fraying rope and text reading "THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US".

Are You Losing Yourself in Your Relationship? Spot the Signs of Codependency

March 31, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Manoj (name changed) started feeling drained just a few months into his marriage.

His wife, a doctor, had quit her job and slowly began depending on him for everything. Not just financially, but emotionally, mentally, even for the smallest day-to-day decisions.

She would call him repeatedly while he was at work. If he didn’t pick up, she expected him to drop everything and respond.

Now imagine being in his place.
How long before you start feeling suffocated?

Sasha (name changed) came in for therapy because of anxiety. But every time she was asked something, she looked at her partner to answer for her.

Even her own voice didn’t feel like hers anymore.

Here’s the thing.

Depending on someone you love? That’s normal.

But when that dependence starts taking over your ability to function on your own, it stops being healthy and starts becoming something else.

It turns into a kind of emotional addiction.

You start abandoning your own needs just to keep the other person okay.
Or you expect someone else to constantly regulate your emotions and decisions.

Either way, someone loses themselves.

So what exactly is codependency?

It’s when one person relies heavily on another
or both people rely on each other

for emotional support, validation, decision-making, even self-worth.

And this doesn’t just show up in romantic relationships.

You’ll see it everywhere:

Parent and child
Friends
Coworkers
Partners
Even teacher-student dynamics

A parent-child version can get especially intense.

Some parents struggle to let their child grow, move out, or build an independent life.

And the child?
They often feel stuck between guilt and growth.

Is this just emotional support… or something deeper?

Humans are wired to depend on each other.

You don’t live life in isolation. You learn, adapt, and grow through people.

But pause and ask yourself this:

Can you function on your own?
Or does the idea of making decisions alone make you anxious?

Because when dependence starts interfering with your ability to think, decide, and act independently, it usually connects to deeper mental health struggles like:

Anxiety
Depression
Addiction
Low self-esteem
Chronic stress
Personality patterns like BPD or narcissism

Codependency in small amounts? Fine.

But when it starts replacing your sense of self, it chips away at your identity and your relationships.

Trust weakens.
Resentment builds.
And you start feeling stuck.

Where does codependency even come from?

Most of it traces back to childhood.

Not in an obvious way. But in subtle patterns you picked up early.

Think about this:

Did you grow up feeling judged or criticized often?
Did you feel ignored or emotionally unseen?
Did someone leave, creating a fear of abandonment?
Were your caregivers inconsistent, warm one day and distant the next?
Were your parents overly controlling?
Did you experience any form of trauma?
Did you grow up around untreated mental health issues?

When you grow up like this, you learn one thing fast:

Your needs are secondary.

And that belief quietly follows you into adult relationships.

How do you know if you’re codependent?

Look at your patterns honestly.

You struggle with self-worth
You constantly need validation
Saying “no” feels uncomfortable
You feel responsible for fixing other people
You chase perfection to feel accepted
You either try to control others or give them control over you

Now think about your relationships.

Do you:

Ask for permission for basic things?
Feel like you’re walking on eggshells?
Try to “fix” or rescue someone?
Take responsibility for their actions?
Sacrifice your comfort regularly?
Feel like you’ve lost who you are?

That’s what codependency starts to look like in real life.

A few situations that might hit close to home

A woman stays in an emotionally abusive relationship, hoping love will change her partner
A graduate turns down a dream opportunity just to stay close to a parent
An adult child moves back home and stops taking responsibility, while the parents enable it

None of these people are “weak.”

They’re stuck in patterns they learned long ago.

Can this be fixed?

Yes. But only if you’re willing to look at yourself honestly.

If ignored, codependency can deepen:

Anxiety
Depression
Emptiness
Loneliness

You might start feeling like you don’t even know who you are outside of your relationships.

That’s the real cost.

What actually helps?

Therapy plays a big role here.

CBT helps you break unhealthy thought patterns
Couples therapy improves communication and independence
Family therapy helps unpack long-standing dynamics

But beyond therapy, here’s something to sit with:

Can you be okay on your own?
Can you make decisions without needing reassurance?
Can you sit with discomfort without rushing to fix or please?

That’s where the real shift begins.

Codependency is learned. Which means it can be unlearned too.

And when that starts happening, your relationships stop feeling like survival…
and start feeling like choice.