mental health – FAMILY THERAPY INDIA

Is your uncontrolled anger damaging your relationship with your spouse ?

September 28, 2020December 9, 2020 Ramneek Kapoor

Nothing else can be as fatal for the marital relationship as your anger. An uncontrolled anger is like a slow poison to the strong threads of relations between husband and wife .The uncontrolled anger virtually eats into the very roots of love,trust and respectability of both the partners .

I have observed while counseling estranged or opposing spouses that couples would often express their anger and resentment towards each other and after a while they tend to cool down when educated about their misplacement of their emotions or expectations from each other.

However heavens may help in situations where one of the spouses happen to have an uncontrolable anger . Such expression of constant complaints and anger often leads to physical abuse ,emotional accusations against each other and ultimate separation.

Anger is not so bad if used momentarily and allowed to subside and defused once it has been expressed. The message that the angry person has been upset over certain issues or acts of either spouse can be conveyed and thereafter both would do better to come to the levels of finding ways to negotiate peace and make amends .

There comes a stage when the partners need to involve a professional family therapist who can help them look at their differences or different perceptions in new light to sort out the disputes .Such intervention is arranged with a view to evolve newer and better emotional understanding amongst the couple ,even though the previous hurt still remains at the background. But the seething anger has been overcome as the partners give each other opportunities to grow their new closeness and understanding.

But many a times the harmed partner particularly wife finds it difficult to let go of the past and forgive her husband. Her anger seethes like a wild fire that knows no direction ,hovering over the relationship and destroying everything that comes in its path .Such situation finds no retrieval and the couple sooner or later ends up parting ways through legal separation,or finding it difficult to stay together peacefully.

A partner with such an uncontrolled anger often brings to the fore the mistakes of the other partner,by shaming him or her at every available opportunities,refuses to listen to any explanation by the partner and believes no compromise can be big enough to solve the problems which have arisen in their relationship.

An understanding partner can help coverup many shortcomings ,mistakes and at times blunders of the other partner unless it happens to be a complete erosion of trust and faith.But in the event of such a situation too,the partners need to sit together by letting the anger go and understand how to proceed with their relationship further or even give it a break by inflicting the minimum damage to the family and partners themselves.

It is important that both husband and wife should pay attention to their anger control and if they find that their relationship is getting affected by such frequent bursts of anger. They should consult a counseling psychologist and family therapist .A trained professional counselor and family therapist would help them with relevant anger management therapies including perceptive breathing exercises .

Family therapist during meeting with unhappy, married couple

While there are enough advisors in every social circle to guide and help the estranged or fighting couples but such unprofessional approach unknowingly out of their ignorance can ignite more anger or mistrust towards each other often leading to frequent accusations. As far as possible couples should avoid such agony aunts for their own betterment .Repeated complaints, frequent bickerings and trying to put down the partner or staging a show down for your partner just because you are angry with him or her can on the contrary take the love out of relations,resulting into the damaged partner finding solace elsewhere .No partner in the right mind who values relationship would like to be in such an embarrassing situation .Anytime you feel angry with or at your partner ,give yourself sometime to think over if the confrontation can be through anger or matters can also be discussed without losing control and being firm in your tone and body language.

,If you have such uncontrolled anger /domestic violence situation You should come to us at Family Therapy India and we will help you resolve all issues of your marriage in more amicable manner .Find us @ http://www.familytherapyindia.com.

Email us @mansikpramarsh@gmail.com

Call: 09179383554,917314263087

–Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert .

Energising your Relationships

March 14, 2019March 14, 2019 Ramneek Kapoor

I love to go to a garden nearby to look at the plants growing and to savor their fragrant breeze full of oxygen and greens. And let me tell you I do love to speak to the plants in the morning as they open up their lovely flowers to the rising Sun and rebuild their energy which they gather from the sunlight .At home we do not have a lawn where we could grow these plants (we live in an apartment) . But on the top of the building where we have managed to rent a terrace we do have a few pots with plants. These plants have very tenderly been reared by my daughter with great care and love. I have seen the fresh flowers of white, red and yellow colors bloom to the plants virtually growing from little buds to the full blown beautiful flowers. Whenever I go the terrace I water them, talk to them and make sure they feel loved and taken care of by me and feel happy about this. I feel my conversing with my plants exactly is the reason these plants have grown from tiny saplings to the full grown plants adorning their smile into these flowers.
Similar to these little saplings and plants all kinds of relationships need constant communication, love, tender care, nurturing and sunshine of trust and admiration. If any of the same is missing our relationships tend to get withered away just as all those seedlings died which had not been attended to by me.
We would often take our relationships for granted once we have formed them. We allow the novelty and the freshness of each other’s company wear of, thinking, “now that we have each other where the hell can the person go”. It is easy to do that as you get busy with the daily grinds of life. But like the delicate plants that were given extra care by me to grow, each relationship too needs to be handled with full involvement and care.
In a relationship or in a friendship, we need to regularly spread the showers of mutual understanding, of admiration the nurture and love. Not all relationships may require you to go out of your way to attend to them. A periodic touch of getting to know about each person as to how he or she is living life ensures we do not feel cut off and likewise the other person too feels in touch. In the current age of internet and social media though people are always available online, yet the lack of personal touch and physical presence of good listeners is felt by one and all. People living under the same roof and sleeping in the common bedroom become strangers as they remain occupied in their own virtual world of WhatsApp.Facebook,instagram,twitter and other online social media apps.
I have many a times met such husbands and wives who do not have either time or an empathetic ear for each other to give at least a hearing to the partners when they need to talk. Being there with an empathetic attitude and listening with patience to the other’s point of view can go a long way in solving many compatibility issues the couples face in their marital life.
I am currently meeting and counseling quite a few numbers of families, where all family members have agreed to spend at least two evenings in a week on working days and every alternate weekend in a month together on family outing or family dinner and they have shown wonderful results in their understanding of each other. The faces of the family members more especially the younger members beam smiles as big as the rose in the picture above after they find their parents spending a quality time with them in such a positive manner.

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Just as we need to take care of the plants, saplings and flowers an protect them from all kinds of weeds, strong winds, too much of sunshine, the same way we need to tend to the relationship by giving our empathetic, loving , and understanding physical presence and listening ears to all family members.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.

Family will survive all storms with a little patience and perseverance

What should you do if your marriage partner is having an affair ?

February 11, 2019February 11, 2019 Ramneek Kapoor

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Every marital relationship is based on mutual trust and understanding. If ever such a question as mentioned in the headline above arises, your immediate response obviously would be, “I would definitely divorce him/her”, and that being an overstatement, you might get agitated and say, “I shall confront him/her and then ask him either to leave the person or leave me”. It is obvious we cannot tolerate cheating of any kind in our life more so if it comes from a marital partner. Hence the response from many without second thought would be, “I will kick him/her out “.

But what will be your reaction, if I ask you to reconcile with your partner in spite of all the betrayal inflicted.

Some of you will say,”He is talking out of his hat,” but trust me there are many others who would want to reconcile despite being betrayed. They’re willing to forgive and believe they can mend the marriage and bring around their partner to see the reason and come back to the marital fold.

It is true that most of us just cannot accept the idea of forgiving a cheating spouse, but you never know how you’ll react to that situation until it happens to you,

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It becomes an altogether a different story when you’re faced with the decision of ending a marital relationship and the consequences thereafter you have actually ended many years long held marriage . You have spent a good part of your life setting up the marital home and then all of a sudden the fairy tale dream turns into a nightmare. It can really be shattering for both partners involved and more so I’d say if you have had kids in this marriage.

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Some of the things that could affect the decision making to either hold on to marriage or move out of the relationship could be —living life without a father for the kids, living life without the kids, living life with lesser money, moving into parental home or moving into a smaller house, a different or lower standard of living, the possibility of looking for a new marriage partner again, and the prospects of your accepting the new life/new partner in your life. In totality it involves tearing up your years of brick by brick built home. Yes cheating is definitely unacceptable as it has undermined your value as a marriage partner and more so as a self respecting individual. But for many people it can be worth it to try to reconcile and rebuild from there. The decision to divorce is a punishment at both ends. It punishes the perpetrator and the victim both ie., The partner who has cheated gets that nightmare too.

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If you have already made up your mind and you are in the process of divorce proceedings, we will advise you to at least give it a good second thought and pay attention to the possibility of reconciliation through the family counseling. If you decide to save your marriage and reconcile your marital relationship, you may want to follow some of the following important steps: advice:

-Do not just spy on your spouse: just expression of doubts can trigger distrust in marriage and if you have asked someone to follow your partner this spells into total betrayal. You have to learn to be a leader of your marriage and not a follower. Your integrity is the key word to your being the leader in your marriage.

-Just hang on to your marriage. The affair your spouse has been indulging into could be a passing fad and may end soon. It had been observed that most of post marriage affairs end up in 9 to 12 months time. Though you do not want to live this torture for so long but it could be worth it to save your marriage for your children.

-Your kindness can become the key factor. You do not have to treat your spouse with disdain, hatred or anger. You can be more accepting, more accessing, more sympathetic and more tolerant towards your spouse during this period. The kind attitude shown by you will bring about a feeling of guilt, repentance sooner than later and act on the conscious of your spouse.

-Use your seductive charms to your advantages.Do Not just grieve over what has happened and neglect yourself. On the contrary now is the time to use your seductive powers and your sexualities to charm the person like the proverbial music played by a snake charmer. Do not withdraw yourself into a shell; rather be more outgoing and more inviting to your spouse.

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Soon you will notice the competition dying down and the vagrant partner returning back to marital fold. Even if it doesn’t happen soon do not give up, extend the rope a little more by your killing charms and soon the effect will take place.

Once the victory is yours, do not celebrate with a war cry. Maintain your dignity self respect and do not have a showdown with your spouse.You don’t want a spouse back with a dented confidence.Act natural and let the spouse gradually become so over a period of time.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.

Family will survive all storms with a little patience and perseverance.

Perceptive Meditation and Mindfulness

January 4, 2019 Ramneek Kapoor

“Perceptive Meditation enables you live in and with your breath taking your mind away from your anxiety stress and worries of life .It empowers you to live in the moment with complete mindfulness of your soul ,body and mind “. Ramneek Kapoor.

What is Perceptive Meditation and What is Mindfulness ?

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“Perceptive Meditation is the intense involvement of body and mind into deep meditation on the psychic centres being fully aware of the moment and the breathe present in every living moment in its total intensity”

Mindfulness refers to the process of focussing complete attention to the present moment of life and living life in its every moment with complete awareness .This enables acceptance of life’s every moment in its totality and being aware of life in a non judgemental manner .In a way Perceptive Meditation and Mindfulness both work in the same direction for the same purpose.

How do Perceptive Meditation and Mindfulness help when Practiced together

Both are practiced with the mind fully present in the here and now
Perceptive meditation through the process of Srir Preksha {Perceptive Meditation on various parts of human body each focussed separately } helps the protagonist meditate on the various parts of the body to experience both the negative and the positive without reacting or expressing any likes or the dislikes, love or hatred for any part , making the journey of the mind through the pleasant or the unpleasant thoughts sans reactions and thus developing a feeling of equanimity in all kinds of circumstances. Mindfulness is similar way of experiences of the pleasant and unpleasant being fully aware and feeling unthreatened .
Perceptive meditation develops better connect to the self and in the process bringing better acceptance of the internals with the externals, and of the other humans in the world around with complete mindfulness
The process of practising deep meditation in total mindfulness of the psychic centres brings about a complete peace of mind, a better physical , mental and emotional health in the individual and empowers with the cosmic energy.
The process of kayotsarga ie, the progressive mindful journey on all the body parts and psychic centres to dissociate the psychic centres and body parts consciously from the mind brings about a total; celestial self-awareness
The process of Lesya Preksha (mindful perception of the celestial colourful lights )on the psychic centers brings about a total peace of mind, better mental and emotional health and develops acceptance of all kinds of ups and downs in life without extreme reactions , thus empowering the mind for better tolerance and understanding .
Mindful perceptive meditation of the psychic centres helps separate the thoughts from the emotions distinguishing imagined from the reality.
Mindful perceptions of the psychic centres teaches to the practitioner that everything is temporal and that everything changes; that same way emotions, thoughts and feelings are also short-lived and temporary like the weather.Nothing remains permanent .
Perceptive meditation with total mindfulness brings about better balance of mind and emotional stability.
Mindful Perceptive Meditation brings about serenity ,calmness and peacefulness.
The mindful perceptive meditation makes the practitioner aware of the negative and the positive both and trains to focus the mind on positives .

Perceptive Meditation, Mindfulness and Psychotherapy

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Mindful Perceptive Meditation on Psychic Centres is a very powerful, evidence-based meditation tool for enhancing emotional ,psychological and mental health.

It has very successfully been used as an effective intervention in a wide range of clinical disorders, including bodily distress disorder,psychosomatic pains, chronic stress disorder, anxiety disorders, depression, PTSD, OCD, substance abuse, and other neurotic and psychotic disorders bringing relief to the affected .

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.

Family will survive all storms with a little patience and perseverance

Perceptive Meditation and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy-medicine free cure for depression anxiety and stress

December 21, 2018December 21, 2018 Ramneek Kapoor

WHAT IS PERCEPTIVE MEDITATION AND WHAT IS COGNITIVE BEHAVIOUR THERAPY (CBT)?

Perceptive meditation is a technique of meditation on the psychic centers of human body by which changes can be brought to the emotions,feelings,perception,attitudes, behaviors, and the total thinking process of the man. Perception on the psychic centres refer to the process of focussing and meditating on these centres of consciousness with complete absorption of mind and body and getting them connected to the endocrine glands situated on the psychic centres . The chemicals secretions this way are rectified by turning the secretion from negative to positives. Such Perceptive Meditation energises the conscious, the subconscious and the unconscious thereby benefiting the body and the mind on three different levels :

pc all.jpg PSYCHIC CENTRES

Perceptive Meditation on the physical psychic centres rejuvenates, re- energises and revitalises the immune system of the body and the blood circulation to all vital points of reduces the impact of the negative secretions if any in the system.

Perceptive Meditation on the psychic centres and the endocrinology glands harmonises the efficient functioning of the emotion system of the mind. Such efficient functioning of the endocrine and the nervous system removes all negative thoughts and emotions and generate positive perception of the environment, of the self and of the problems in the day to day life. Thus eradicating depression, stress, anxiety, psychosomatic, neurotic and psychotic disorders without the use of medication and drugs.

Perceptive Meditation trains the mind to clean itself of the stress, the anxiety and get rid of the negative influences like depression, the low self esteem, the suicidal tendency and ideation, of many other serious mental disorders.

COGNITIVE BEHAVIOUR THERAPY

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Let us understand what exactly is the Cognitive Behavior? Cognitive behavior refers to the behavior of the man that can be perceptive and understood. As per the Cambridge Dictionary cognitive means, “connected with thinking or conscious mental processes, relating to or involving the processes of thinking and reasoning. This obviously means that in simple language cognition refers to the process of thinking or of reflecting. Cognitive Behavior Therapy then should be looked as a Therapy that help people improve upon or rectify their thinking that occurs when experiencing emotional distress. The distress so felt affects the emotional state of mind and the behavior .During times of emotional upheavals and distress the mind loses touch with the cognition and becomes negative .The emotions so generated then perceive at all situations, people and events in a negative manner,causing distress all around. The thoughts under such negative emotional state of mind too continue to be negative, and so do the feelings and behavioral response to the external world often leading to melancholy, sadness, feeling of being alone, suicide ideation, psychosomatic bodily distress, eating disorders, obsessions, anxiety, extreme stress .

How does perceptive meditation help : Perceptive Meditation at this stage acts as the positive transformation factor on the inner consciousness of the human psychic centres bringing about a total change into the perception, cognition, thinking and emotions . It converts the negative emotions into the positive emotions .Perceptive Meditation controls the flow of negative energy and generate the positive energy . The negative chemicals produced by the endocrinology glands of the body are stopped and positive chemicals begin flowing, giving rise to the positive perception about the self , emotions feelings, thoughts and subsequent behaviour.Perceptive Meditation Therapy is a meditational self-perceptive, endocrinology based physio-psychotherapy to cure disorders related to emotional, physical, mental and psychological illnesses of the individuals. It is a scientifically proven powerful perceptive meditation therapy to root out the psychological, mental, emotional, social and physical disorders. The identification and elimination of the real causes of physical diseases, mental imbalances and emotional distortions through the gentle perceptive meditation on the psychic centres brings out a new awakened individual person with perfect mental, physical, emotional and social balance leading to a better society.

How does CBT Help : CBT helps in exploration of the source/ events/ experiences ,the origins of the negative thoughts and beliefs e.g. childhood, relationships, workplace bullying or a traumatic event that led to negative thinking , beliefs and caused the emotional, cognitive and behavioural distress to the affected individual. The counsellor then through exploring the evidence that disputes them and help to develop more positive outlook towards those events /emotions .The exploration and identification of the causes of distress ultimately with the help of talk therapy and other mind assuaging tools bring out positive acceptance of the self and positive behaviours .

WHAT CAN PERCEPTIVE MEDITATION AND CBT HELP WITH ?

We mentioned above that both CBT and Perceptive Mediation basically help with the formation of the more positive acceptance of self ,and thus curing the affected of depression, anxiety, stress, low self esteem or relationship problems.

There is evidence to show that Perceptive Meditation and CBT when used together under the guidance of our expert has produced spectacular results bringing people back from disorders such as Depression, Anxiety, Stress, Insomnia, Anger, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Eating Disorders including anorexia and bulimia, low self-esteem, childhood trauma and personality disorders.

WHAT DOES PERCEPTIVE MEDITATION AND CBT JOINT THERAPY INVOLVE?

Perceptive Meditation and CBT joint therapy involve attending 50-minute sessions 3 times a week.

In these sessions you undertake perceptive meditation on the psychic centres and endocrinology glands curing them of all negative effects and in addition goal focused positive mind building exercise therapy, with written and spoken tasks to get rid of depression,anxiety stress,fears ,negativity and form positive self perception.

All sessions are conducted in collaborative manner without the use of medicines.The subtle behaviour change happen without causing any mental trauma or stress to the client. The new cognitive ability so developed is long lasting empowering and helps the client with new more positive perception about the self, the world, and others, and enhance emotional well-being.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.