“I still don’t understand how he could control me so easily, like I was a puppet, and why I kept giving in every single time.” Tina said this much later, when she finally had the distance to see things clearly. At the time, she could feel something was wrong, but she did not have the words for it.
Eventually, she understood what it was.
Emotional abuse.

You might think abuse should be obvious and easy to point out, but emotional abuse rarely works that way. It does not show up loudly, and it does not leave visible damage that others can see. Instead, it builds slowly and quietly, affecting how you think, how you feel, and how you see yourself.
You notice something feels off.
You feel drained after simple interactions.
You start questioning your own reactions.
And yet, you stay.
Over time, emotional abuse begins to weaken your sense of self in ways that are easy to miss at first. You may get blamed for things you did not do, while your emotions are dismissed as overreactions. Your version of events gets questioned so often that you begin doubting your own memory. At some point, your focus shifts, and instead of asking why this is happening, you start asking what is wrong with you.
That shift changes everything.
The person causing harm often does not look harmful to others, which makes your experience even harder to validate. They may come across as calm, reasonable, or even caring in public. When you try to speak up, you might hear that you are too sensitive or that you are creating problems. After a while, you start believing it.
You stop trusting yourself.
You stop explaining yourself.
You start staying quiet.
Emotional abuse is not limited to romantic relationships, and that is something people often overlook. It can exist between parents and children, friends, colleagues, or extended family members. Power usually plays a role, even if it is not obvious at first. One person slowly takes control, and the other adjusts just to avoid conflict.
You begin to shrink parts of yourself to keep things steady.
Certain patterns tend to repeat in these situations. You may experience subtle threats that create fear and keep you from speaking freely. Constant criticism can make you feel like nothing you do is enough, even when you are trying your best. Your opinions may get dismissed so often that you eventually stop expressing them, not because you agree, but because you feel exhausted.
You may also feel unwanted while still being expected to stay. That creates a confusing dynamic where you are present but not valued. Isolation can follow, where you slowly drift away from friends or family, sometimes due to guilt or pressure. As your world becomes smaller, your dependence on the same person increases.
Blame plays a strong role here as well. You may find yourself apologizing often, even when you are unsure what you did wrong. Over time, this creates a deeper belief that you are responsible for the situation. You may even start feeling sympathy for the person hurting you.
That is where it gets dangerous.
You begin to believe you deserve this.
If you are in a situation like this, start by being honest with yourself about how you feel in the relationship. Ask yourself if you feel safe, respected, and heard consistently. Notice if you are constantly second-guessing your thoughts or walking on edge around the other person.
Do you feel like yourself anymore?
Or are you adjusting just to avoid conflict?
Talking about your experience can help, even if others do not fully understand at first. Reaching out to a therapist or counselor can give you clarity and help you see patterns more objectively. Setting boundaries matters, but following through on them matters even more.
You do not need permission to protect your mental and emotional well-being.
And keep this clear in your mind as you move forward. Someone being perceived as good by others does not mean they are good for you. Your experience is valid, even if it is not visible to the outside world, and that distinction matters more than you think.
If you find yourself in a situation like this, reaching out for support can make a real difference. At Family Therapy India, you can speak with professionals who understand these patterns and can help you work through the challenges in your relationship in a healthier, more constructive way.
Phone/Whatsapp: +91-9179383554



Somewhat similar story has been going on between Bhuvan and Anita .Their 16 years of marriage has come to a stand still with both virtually accusing each other of neglect and oppression .Anita blames Bhuvan of having neglected her for all their marriage period. She feels she could have done better if she had adopted a career so that she could get away from the demands of married life. Bhuvan on the other hand feels oppressed, saying, ” She has been a very demanding wife and does not allow me to breathe freely .I need space of my own now”. he continues, ” from the day we began dating each other she has been like this always”.
While dating prior to the commitment made to each other for a long term relationship, everything is seen by the lovers from behind the rosy shades of love and affection for each other. The emotions of possessiveness and yearning do not allow the lovers to think of and bring in the mundane communication of a daily grinds of life.
As a couple begins their journey into the long-term relationship of wedded bliss, their love for each other many a times may take a back seat and the love gets reduced to a few stolen kisses and quickies here and there. The couple forgets about nurturing and keeping the flame of love and desire for each other alive. Soon the infatuation of physical hunger wears off and then the focus shifts from the affection to the problems.
The stark realities of need for more money, career priorities and of culture, of religion, and of family may cause concerns and small squabbles. Before these squabbles get blown into major issues and a beautiful relationship begins to disintegrate. The couple needs to understand that every relationship is important in life and more so with the one with whom you have to spend your life time.
Communication in person and not on the social media , is the only tool and doorway to establish a better understanding. The couple, need to take up all those problems that are causing strangled relationship .It is always good to keep the bedroom stories confined to four walls of the personal bedrooms .But should the couple feel they are not able to communicate with each other without raising voices and angers , they should get the professional advise of the family therapist and relationship counselor. The airing of grievances in the family sitting room can aggravate the problems and cut down the love quotient. Isn’t it a fact that the love still exists, we just have to bring it to the fore again.

