Young Children do not listen to their parents- Understanding Oppositional Defiant Disorder

August 7, 2026August 7, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

A young lad or lass in his or her teens need to be paying attention to the school curriculum and playing with the mates but instead if a child of this age become a problem for the family and the school , there is bound to be a cause and consternation amongst the family, teachers and the well wishers of the child and the family.

We have recently been getting some cases of young children behaving oddly in the families . The young ones defy their parents even for small errands . They insist on not going to schools . These children refuse to listen to their parents. Some of them go even to the extent of fighting back with their parents.

The parents have to understand that children usually are defiant .They like to oppose their parents for many reasons. Obedience may not always be expected too. We all will like to have independent thinking , self decision making children if the decisions made by them meet our expectations. During their normal growth and development , individualism of human nature does exert itself at times when oppositional behavior against the order and the expected gets expressed even by the young.

The young children want to grow up and their desire to gain freedom from control gets intense, around the ages of two and three, and again in early adolescent years .

For any parent however an uncooperative, disobedient and aggressively hostile behavior of their ward becomes a serious issue when it is frequently , fiercely and arrogantly expressed by the child.

Opposition of any kind by the child becomes glaringly visible when it is compared with other children’s visible obedient and docile behavior .

This kind of defiance and disobedience gets very strainful and stressful for the parents and other members of the family. It affects the academic life of the child in addition to being counted as an unsocial child within and outside the family circles .

Looking for the the signs of Oppositional Defiant Disorder : It’s not easy for any parent to notice differentiation between normal defiance and the oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) from age related normal defiant behavior by their children . Symptoms of the disorder start appearing , in noticeable happenings on various occasions.

Child and parental conflict related problems are common in families.

Families have various levels of tolerance for the opposition by their children . In some, a disgruntlement to the rules produces major stress for the parents , while in more friendly , social and tolerant families , opposition by children and occurrences of bad behaviors by the kids are largely overlooked till such times as they cause relationship problems .

In children affected with ODD, a systematic pattern of , anger, aggression and the uncooperative, defiant, and aggressive behavior toward authority can be seen. Such opposition by the young ones regularly hampers the day to day functioning within the family . The children suffering get flayed tempers at times. These children become hot headed and short tempered.

They argue with adults. They take pleasure in fighting back against adult rules.They refuse even minor adult requests. They look for opportunities to deliberately annoy others.

The same defiance continues – at home, in school, in the neighborhood .

Such behavior is not necessarily the result of a conflict with a particular parent or teacher.

They begin with holding others responsible for their mistakes.They become grumbling kind and they often behave touchy, arrogant , resentful, spiteful and vindictive. Some children engage in mild physical aggression and fight back physically too . Their language becomes aggressive, abusive and obscene. A kind of power struggle within the family begins with these children.

Their struggle may be noticed in terms of food for choice, clothes to wear or simply in selecting a place to sit too. During infancy oppositional episodes must have occurred at the time of their feeding, eating, toilet training, and sleeping etc. , but went unnoticed because of motherly love and affection . Children with ODD regularly insist on postponing the work in home and at school and they find strange reasons to procrastinate.

They ignore parental directions and their teachers orders. They would often pretend to forget or fail to hear . They are often referred to for memory exercises but we have to understand that it is not the memory or hearing problem but the problem relates to obeying what was expected of them.

As the child grows up the issues such as keeping the room neat, taking baths, doing home work on time , not watching television for longer times, not interrupting while elders are talking or talking back, crop up.

In all such small small quarrels and fights , winning becomes the most important aspect of their struggle. At times a child with ODD will deliberately forego and rather lose cherished privileges, in order to prove a point and win the argument. The child will exhibit .continuous opposition within the home environment. He or she will act completely resistant and uncooperative in the class room . On a serious side the child continues with his or her defiance towards the established authority . The child may not be in a position to understand the difficulties or even get an inkling of his or her being in the wrong.

Such children as said earlier look for the reasons of their troubles in others behavior and in the other circumstances. external circumstances. There is always an inherent scant respect for the the rules and discipline. The child enjoys challenging anyone who exhibits some kind of authority.

How can we help you: At Family Therapy India ,our special program for managing Oppositional Defiance Disorder is supported to help children and adults to overcome the symptoms associated with ODD by our regular daily counseling sessions/mental exercises/ preksha meditation and Kayotsarg. Hundreds have benefited, it is your /your child’s turn now.  Call 09179383554 or email: mansikpramarsh@gmail.com.

How does work affect your marital health?

August 5, 2026August 5, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Yes it could be shocking to learn that the avocation we all take to make money and keep the life going , sometimes can be detrimental to a good marital relationship creating an unfathomable distance amongst the partners to the marriage vows .

Working that helps make money is essentially a prime requirement to a marriage preposition in modern times where both partners want to and must have their financial freedom ,realise their own dreams and wishes ,in addition to other social factors .

It is generally seen that and rightfully too ,post marriage each partner values his or her own professional identify which must have been achieved after much hard work and scholarship .

Nowadays personal careers and the progression therein are becoming important for both the individuals and none would like to give it up and compromise the professional growth .

Take the case of this couple who had been in a very passionate relationship for number of years before getting married. They have been together in school and university and had carved out a career in the same field as well .

After a few years of their marriage the wife got the opportunity of going to US on an international assignment .However husband’s family and her spouse never wanted her to go alone abroad .

They wanted her to pass on the opportunity until her husband could find such an option for himself too .

Their disagreement resulted into a marital discord . They almost had decided to part ways till they approached this family therapist . The families eventually agreed that husband and wife can visit each other on and off during her assignment abroad .

But it may not be true for everyone .Working is generally good for mental and emotional well-being. It provides a sense of purpose, money , identity and a disciplined life style. But depending on where you work, what you do, and what resources and support systems you have, work can also undermine your mental ,emotional and physical health thus compromising the marital relationship.

Work factors that may compromise your marital health can be :

Stress :A real killer of mood and emotions ,can interrupt relationships and undermine self belief.
Many of serious chronic health issues e.g. insomnia , high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, and a number of other health issues are tied to .stress . A constant high-stress at the work place environment can still leave its mark on your state of mind and effect companionship.
Burnout : Burnout happens to a be silent creeper kind , is realised only when the body and the mind completely give up .Burnout many a times misdiagnosed as depression can be a real detrimental to a good relationship.
Status comparisons between the partners on account of positions ,sense of competitions if they happen to be in the same field ,recognition etc have been seen as cause of jealousy amongst partners .A doctor couple even after a long marriage ,(where both partners were eye specialists) had a very rough time till this family therapist made them realise their professional rivalry, being the cause of their regular marital discord .
Work environment insecurity: Although the work places nowadays have both men and women working there and a sense of bon homie prevails yet an insecure partner can feel threatened when not finding similar professional environment at his or her work place .An engineer working in a government organisation developed such an insecurity about his marital relationship because of his wife working amongst other male colleagues .

Working in different cities and a long distance marital relationship is also often threatened by fidelity insecurity . It is not necessary that infidelity takes place when living far away from a marriage house ; distressing doubts ,delusions or thoughts have often been seen amongst partners working together in the same city too .However partners do find a distance relationship offering greater difficulties .

What to do if your work is harming your marital Relationship?

Prioritise Self -care : Self-care is very important for our physical, mental, and emotional health. If both the partners aren’t taking care of yourself in simple ways, like getting enough sleep, eating healthfully, and exercising regularly, your work and the work at home may become more stressful. Learn how to practice self-care both at home and at work, such as eating the right kind of food containing adequate calories and proteins ,not skipping meals and medicine in addition to drinking enough water through the day.
Practice mind calming and stress management : By learning and practicing mind calming breathing and relaxing exercises you can manage your stress well .
Identify and set up boundaries : setting up boundaries at work both in terms of relationship ,personal life and time schedule can be little difficult but it will make your life much easier to live .This is necessary to set up boundaries of time schedule ,answering calls or attending to emails for those who work from home to ensure much needed time for personal life with family.
Establish two way communication street at home : it’s important to establish two ways communication both at work and home but more so at home with the family .Selective mutism and not talking gives an impression that you aren’t paying attention to what the partner ,the kids or the other members of family At the same time not allowing others to speak too can cause resentment.Hence establish emotional connects at home .
Seek professional help when needed : it always helps to talk with a professional family therapist ,to understand the issues involved,the conflicts causing situations both at home and work and seek good solutions .You can speak to us at http://www.familytherapyindia.com
Or http://www.mansikpramarsh.co
Of course we are always there to help .

Understanding the Real Causes Behind Oppositional Behaviours in Adolescents

July 19, 2026July 19, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Note: The names and stories in this article are fictional and used to illustrate common scenarios faced by adolescents.

Joseph, a twelve-year-old boy, never quite understood why he was constantly at odds with those around him. Whenever he tried to express himself at home or school, his words were often misinterpreted as defiance. His father would rebuke him, and his mother would end up in tears, often blaming Joseph for the conflict. At school, he was labeled the troublemaker, isolated by teachers and peers alike.

Jatin, a thirteen-year-old, faced a similar fate. His teacher singled him out as the class disruptor, forcing him to sit away from his classmates, amplifying his feelings of embarrassment and rejection. Every time noise erupted in the classroom, Jatin was the first to be blamed, even when the real culprits were other students. Despite recognising his innocence later, the teacher rarely corrected the misunderstanding.

Swara’s parents were equally puzzled. Their once calm daughter had begun shouting back at them and her teachers, behavior they couldn’t comprehend. They viewed it as sulking and brought her to therapy, hoping for a quick fix.

These cases are not isolated. Many children and adolescents, like Joseph, Jatin, and Swara, are often labeled by parents and teachers as defiant, difficult, or problematic. They are frequently referred to psychologists or psychiatrists for behavior correction and treatment for Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), ADHD, or similar issues. Concerns about aggressive outbursts, disrespect, truancy, self-harm threats, and even suicide attempts often drive parents to seek professional help. However, what often goes unnoticed is the underlying stress, trauma, and unhealthy family dynamics that contribute to these outward behaviors.

Teachers typically report uncooperative behavior to parents, who, in turn, resort to punishments or admonishments when corrective efforts fail. When these measures prove ineffective, they turn to mental health professionals with one primary expectation: “Just fix my kid.” Unfortunately, this approach overlooks the crucial role that parental involvement and a supportive, positive environment at school can play in managing and improving these behaviors.

Therapy alone is often not enough. Adolescents with ADHD, Dissocial Behavior, or Adjustment Disorder are likely to regress if they return to a negative or unsupportive environment at home or school. Without addressing the root causes and making holistic changes, relapse is almost inevitable.

In Joseph’s case, a few changes at school, combined with the support of an understanding teacher, led to significant improvement. He went from being labeled a troublemaker to becoming a favorite student among his teachers. Similarly, Swara’s parents became actively involved in her therapy, learning to adjust their expectations and create a healthier family environment. As a result, Swara became more tolerant and communicative, leading to a harmonious household.

We’ve observed that a comprehensive approach involving the entire family, as well as collaboration with school teachers, is the most effective way to treat conditions like ODD, ADD, ADHD, and Dissocial Disorder. At Family Therapy India and Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation, we advocate for a top-down approach that includes active participation from both parents and teachers. This holistic method has proven to bring about positive, lasting changes in the behavior and emotional well-being of children and adolescents without resorting to medication.

It’s important to recognize that behavioral challenges in adolescents are rarely about defiance alone. They are often expressions of deeper struggles that require understanding, compassion, and a collective effort from families, schools, and therapists to create a nurturing environment for these young individuals to thrive.

Helping your little champ build it up

July 18, 2026July 18, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Setting your kid up for success

In a race for tiny tots a mother is encouraging her child to run and finish almost half a mile track .The pride on her face and her child lights up flashing smiles all around establishing a bond of trust and confidence in both of them.

A mother running along her child in a race.

Similarly another mother beams with pride when her daughter walks upto the stage to receive a certificate of excellence in her school declamation contest .

Such a bond between the parent and the child makes life easier for the child . A mother is always there when a child is stuck up and doesn’t know “How to handle the situation”.

A mother gets stressed and suffers equally when she finds her child struggling .She can feel the pangs as she looks at her child suffering. A mother can sense her borns anxiety due to natural bonding and empathy .

She wishes she could help her child when her born is struggling, She feels for her child and takes the task over from child . Most of the mothers do it .

However it can also mean curbing a child’s sense of freedom if a mother takes on everything in her hand .It is not necessary for a mother to make her child dependent on her for everything.

A mother’s support ,training and encouragement is an absolute necessity to help her children learn the first basics of human communication and interaction . There are small, steady ways to support them without feeling like a mother has to fix everything.

5 common worries when your child learns and thinks differently — Building towers for her little champ.

A mother lives through the urge to protect her little one when she watches her child learning the small steps — and her heart runs faster while reaching out to protect and help the little one .
But as the little one starts growing to exert and express a new sense of autonomy and identity ,it’s the time when the problem begins .

The mother realises her ward is growing when he or she adamantly declares “I’m not going to school today”, at the last minute when mother is anxious to drop him or her at the Montessori /school or at the bus stop when she wants the child to hurry up .So that she can herself get ready to leave for her work.

Mother and child doing homework together.

Or when the child doesn’t want to sit for doing the homework with mother but insists on doing different things .The mother’s anxiety reaches its peak when she notices her child avoiding the task on account of various issues .
At this stage every mother faces two basic emotions , “is my child doing fine? can I help the child more ?or Am I doing enough for his or her growth ?”.
If any of this feels familiar, you are not the only mother and certainly not alone. It is something that every mother faces every day and struggles .

A mother can help her child develop better confidence by not taking over every activity of the child but by being available on hand and encouraging the child to try all new activities and difficult things independently but being close around him just in case the child needs help.

Remember: You can make him learn things only if you keep check on your emotions while allowing him to practice everything in your presence .Stay close to the child without taking over the activity from the child .
Allow the child learn and think differently, and you will see everyday challenges building up skill and confidence in your child .

These little steps can help every mother and her child

1. Break the harder learning into smaller easier learnable steps.

2. Extend your support and Help without taking over.Let the child know you are there .

3. Praise the effort and assure the child he can do it .

4. Keep your calm when the child feels stressed and wait for him to restart it again .

5. Don’t push to bring him out of the feelings.

6. Do not unnecessary try to divert allow time to think for himself.

6. Let the child ask for help and not shy away . Intervention at the right time keeps the pressure away .

Remember that the growth happens over time and step by step .Both mother and child learn things together to make them happen .

Everything you wanted to know about couple therapy..

June 16, 2026June 16, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Family therapist during meeting with a couple

In a country where approaching a psychiatrist/psychologist brings with it all kinds of taboos, fears and the unknown stigmas, reaching out to a family therapist by a couple simply can be a big uphill task. Most often the couple would prefer suffering in silence in their day to day disagreement and dispute rather than approach a professional family therapist. Approaching a therapist is often looked at as a step to lodging complaint against the partner. Couples shy off from reaching for the professional help because they do not want to disclose the problems they are having in their marriage to the family for one simple reason,”What would the people say “.

Let’s understand when do you need to approach a therapist and what process would couple therapy involve.

When you feel your communication with the spouse ends up into irritation and leads to the stomping of feet and rushing out of even a normal discussion quite regularly, the time to reflect is now.

When you feel your love has vanished and your acceptance of each other has been going down day by day, you need to be in touch with a family counselor.

When you carry strong resentment towards your partner on any account ,you should know,it is time to explore a session with a good family therapist.

When you feel you or your spouse has been losing interest in all kinds of spousal activities ,it is time to get a professional help to explore, understand, reflect and reconcile the challenges to your marriage .

Professional help can be available from an approved professionally qualified family therapist and not the usual agony aunts writing columns or providing readymade prescription to all problems.A good qualified professional family therapist necessarily should hold recognised postgraduate qualifications in family therapy in addition to a post graduate degree in psychology. The therapist should have a good standing in dealing with family therapy and counseling.

When you decide to eventually consult such a therapist you can be assured of total privacy and confidentiality of any discussion with the therapist.The professional code of privacy and confidentiality is absolutely sacrosanct for every therapist ,belying the fears “,What will people say”.

Let us now understand ,what would the therapy involve.

Usually the first session begins with the introductory process wherein the therapist is keen to understand as to what kind of issues,problems and disputes have been occurring in your family life and /or marriage.

The session involves knowing about your family history, the systems and the units of inner family circles within the family ,the communication system in your family and the power systems of the family.

The therapist is keen to understand the reasons for your contacting him/her i.e. the problems you are facing as a couple.How long has the problem been occurring and whether you have been consulting any other counselor earlier,if so what has been the impact of such counseling.

The therapist in this session evaluates the relationship the couple shares only on peripheral level as the depth of understanding and the misunderstanding would be assessed only in subsequent sessions and that too with a complete unbiased mind .It is not the task of the therapist to judge you,nor does the therapist acts as a complaint centre. The major task of the therapist is to understand the underlying emotional upheaval prevailing within the relationship of couple ,or amongst all other members of the family .

Though the families of the spouses or / and the spouses obviously look towards the family therapist as the complaint lodging centre ,but that definitely is an absolute misunderstanding of the process of family counseling .The therapist lends an unbiased ear and attention to every dispute,difference of opinion and misplaced emotions. The therapist is not a judge but a facilitator for bringing about better understanding of the misplaced emotions and feelings amongst the family members . It generally happens that the therapist is looked at as the mediator of the disputes by the family members,but mediation definitely has never been the scope of any family or couple counseling.

The therapist would also try to learn from you ,your career graph if working or in own business,the money position,the spending habits,financial interests if any and of course about the extended family members’ financial interests if any in connection with your finances.

Then again sometimes either of the spouses who has contacted the therapist,expects by default that the therapist would align with her or him ,but a true professional therapist approaches the counseling without any kind of preset mindset.The main task of the family therapist is to understand the tensions ,stresses and hindrances prevailing within the marital /family relationships and evolve better perception of the problems prevailing between the marital partners and other family members.

The couple issues could relate to any of the following:

Relationship of either spouse with in laws and other family members.
Household responsibility and commitments of members in honouring their responsibility.

Daily chores and spousal attitude towards sharing the chores.

Relationship of the spouses within and outside marital boundaries .

Marital compatibility of thoughts and emotions.
Sexual adjustments and acceptance.
Sexual orientation and attitudes towards partners.

Parenting plans ,children and parenting issues.

Communication pattern between the couple and the problems being faced in the communication.

Setting up priorities for the marriage and providing needed priority,time and space to each other in the marriage.

Modern couples also look for personal space in marriage as otherwise the relationship often gets suffocated with too much closeness .

Having understood all that has been delineated above, the therapist has to understand personalities of both the spouses ,the acceptance level or non acceptance levels of each others habits ,attitudes,opinions and daily functioning.

In fact a good therapist will help the couple evolve a new outlook and perception of their respective relationship provided ,the partners have the patience to continue with the sessions conducted over a long period of time varying from three to six months .the session may be conducted once or twice a week depending on the convenience and availability of both the spouses.

Though initially every session appears to be an exercise in raising grievances by the couple against each the other . The therapist’s intervention helps the partners read positive and negative cues of each others emotions in the right perspective and the couple soon moves from the warring zone to the negotiation levels. The negotiation is often done by the aggrieved partner to secure future as assurances and promises .The understanding levels though still remain far fetched and many more sessions will be needed to gradually establish a trusting common bond ,wherein an acceptance of each other is re-established amongst the family.

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