psychological abuse – FAMILY THERAPY INDIA

Have you been very angry lately and find it difficult to control?

June 16, 2026June 17, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Veena a company general manager swerved her car swiftly from hitting the road divider on the highway on way back home from the office, as the driver of another car overtook without any warning or flashing the indicator. In a reflex action Veena lowered side window glass and threw expletives on the driver of the other car. She could see a lady driver in the other car too appearing to be in a hurry to reach home after the office . “It could have been the end of my life today”, thought Veena,who was in a hurry to reach home much before her husband would make it .

“Possibly the lady driving other car too has an enraged husband waiting at home . That’s why the lady appeared to be in a hurry or it is likely that she has a sick child waiting at home”, justified Veena to herself . She found the other car drivers behind her honking , who had been equally disturbed by her abrupt change of direction to the right of the road . She breathed a few more swearing as she eased her car on the road again. Such a scene has become quite common in almost all towns where people appear to be in a mad rush with the surge of anger seething under their breaths. Veena could cool anger by feeling empathy for lady driver of the other car. But how many of us can actually feel such an empathy for the one who has been the cause of our anger .

We seldom develop charitable opinion towards any one whom we feel has tried to hurt us or has been the cause of physical,emotional or mental harm to us.We would often first flare up and may be much later try to justify our anger towards the person. Veena could come out of angry stance much faster without causing any kind of damage to physical or emotional self as she had immediately associated the other person’s doing with more charitable view point. But for a minute let’s just think that Veena had responded instead with a rage and seething anger to the situation .In such an event she could have felt hypertension, anger, emotional hurt and a sense of insecurity of the road rage in her mind already occupied with many other issues of otherwise busy life at home and in her office. Veena’s open mindedness and her attitude of reflecting and then reacting actually saved her from many could have been negatives .

We have been talking of , “How to understand and handle depression” and also, “How to manage our emotions” .In order to do that we have to first learn that the word depression is not a situation of single event, it is in truth accumulation of many other events taking place in our psyche and physical self . The depression when analysed from such point of view reveals that, restlessness, irritation, anger, negative thinking, negative emotions, worry, melancholy ,feeling of isolation , lack of passion, absence of self worth and even absence of sympathy/empathy all put together become the manifestation of depression. Should we not then really focus on taking care of each of these components and rectify/control/ /or cure them individually /cumulatively to get rid of depression from our mind.

While talking of anger we realize that this particular mood is the most difficult one for all of us to manage and control.Even in anger the rage is the most damaging kind of reaction where the mind loses its power of reason and logic on account of its intransigence nature. The rage makes us most vulnerable to not only damage the perpetrator but also ourselves. Some of us might feel that if the perpetrator has damaged us then we must take it out on him and then we feel relieved . Well to each his own viewpoint but the fact remains that ,”anger is never without a reason but seldom a good one”.

But going back to Veena’s state of mind, her anger definitely arose from the sense of danger to her physical self and to that of her property(her car). But if she had not controlled herself , there would have been a chain reactions of her rage . Her foul mood would have persisted even after she had reached home would have found its victim in her children and her husband. Her emotional turmoil however soon died down as soon as she developed a more charitable and logical attitude towards the driver of other car.

The lesson learnt, “As far as possible whenever a situation for rage builds up pause for a second and logically analyse the situation. This itself will bring down the intensity of the anger and subsequent rising of the tempers”.

Let us analyse one more situation. Maharishi family has come out for a dinner with another family friend of theirs to a high class restaurant known for its elegant ambiance. As soon as the waiter had placed soup dishes on the table , Mrs Maharishi’s younger child insisted on serving the soup into her dish herself. The young baby could hardly handle the hot dish and she found herself spilling the soup all over on the table.

Mrs Maharishi burst out in anger and hit the baby hard on her back . The loud yelling of the baby startled a passing by waiter. The tray he was carrying had slipped out of his hands pouring the dish down on the customers sitting on the nearby table. Loud arguments followed in the restaurant . Eventually embarrassed Maharishi family walked out of the restaurant in a huff with their guest walking out without eating .

Many a times it would so happen that the anger comes to us in a sequence of various events and by the time we realize what has happened we end up losing control of the situation completely .This anger as we saw in the restaurant begins with one small event later on building up on the subsequent emotional reactions of angry outbursts.We just saw that anger had been building up on the earlier anger and the entire atmosphere had been converted into the inflamed oven of angry moods in the restaurant. The anger that had been just started with a small event got so intense after it found its subsequent hijacking devoid of any reason or logic .When we are engrossed into the angry atmosphere we just lose our sense of being and get carried away. This kind of anger had been built up not by the threat to the physical self but to the perceptive respectability, and disciplined family image of the Maharishi family . Mrs Maharishi felt insulted by the behavior of her child in the presence of her guests .She had hit the child rather than at that time she should have been taking control of the situation and calmed down the child.

Lesson learnt :Do Not immediately flare up and react instantly, more so when you have others around you.Take cognisance of the situation, Breathe awhile and let the anger subside within you, . You can always reflect later .Otherwise always remember that anger builds up on anger and sends an uncontrolled rush of emotional upheaval throughout the body damaging all reason and cognitive guidance of the mental faculty .

Let’s reflect on how to calm down in such situations .One way to handle anger is to allow a deviation of the mind like in Veena’s case where she had thought of empathy for the person causing the anger. Such deviation allows the mind cool down and develop a power of understanding within itself . Such power is very helpful in calming the mind always.

But in the other situation like that of Maharishi family the right way would have been to divert the attention of everyone from the scene but the intensity of the anger had been very high and hence the cognitive capabilities had been hijacked for everyone. Should we really allow that. Think how a little scolding can work better as compared to the only way of losing control of the situation and the mind completely.

Manoj and his wife had been having argument for over a week now over some trivial matter. His wife noticed that every time the argument had begun Manoj would simply slip out of the house and return much later after her temper had died down. She followed him in their next bout of angry expletives .Manoj had gone to the temple nearby and he sat amongst the bed of flowers in the green lawns of the temple. She sat next to him as he moved aside to offer her more space. All that was causing trouble in them had been forgotten .They both decided to come to the same place next time an argument would start among them.Manoj told her that he would always allow himself a cooling down period every time he lost his temper , by coming to the calm and serene garden. Such distraction really works wonders on the mind and makes it one with the atmosphere .

Lesson learnt : Move out to the place of your liking when you get angry. The place can be the garden nearby, a place of worship, a coffee shop, a favourite restaurant, a small drive around the corner .There you can reflect calmly on the atmosphere around rather than pursuing the train of anger from which you have just execused yourself .

Such actions appear very ridiculous in nature but they work very powerfully on our mind and bring down the rising temperatures in no time.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist , Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert .

Family Always Comes First

Healing Dysfunctional Family Relationships

June 8, 2026June 8, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Families are often envisioned as the cornerstone of love, support, and growth. However, the reality is far more nuanced, with many families grappling with the complexities of dysfunction, unresolved conflicts, and intergenerational trauma. In this blog post, we will deep-dive into the profound impacts of dysfunctional family dynamics, exploring real-life examples and therapeutic insights to understand the journey towards healing and restoring familial harmony.

The Ripple Effects of Dysfunction:

Meet Kritika and Vijay (names changed), whose experiences epitomize the enduring repercussions of dysfunctional family environments. Their stories resonate deeply with countless individuals who have experienced familial dysfunction. Kritika and Vijay, having weathered tumultuous family dynamics in their formative years, continue to grapple with the emotional scars, even a decade into their marriage. Their unresolved traumas have cast a long shadow over their parenting journey, as their children inherit the legacy of unresolved conflict and emotional turmoil.

Dr. Kritika, a pseudonym for a real individual, provides a poignant example of the intergenerational transmission of dysfunction. Raised amidst the daily tumult of her parents’ disputes, she and her siblings bore witness to a triangular drama that played out with agonizing regularity. Lines were drawn, allegiances shifted, and familial bonds strained under the weight of unresolved grievances .

The ripple effects of dysfunctional family dynamics extend far beyond the immediate participants, permeating the lives of subsequent generations. Individuals like Sejal, Sonia, Kamolika, Anand, and Sumit, though fictional in name, embody the collective struggles of those who have endured traumatic family events. From PTSD and anxiety to deep-seated mistrust and unresolved phobias, the psychological toll of dysfunctional family dynamics reverberates through every facet of their lives. Moreover, their own children and spouses find themselves unwitting participants in a cycle of dysfunction, perpetuating the cycle unless intervention occurs.

Understanding Triangulation:

Central to our understanding of dysfunctional family dynamics is the concept of triangulation. What begins as innocuous interactions can quickly devolve into accusations, misunderstandings, and unresolved emotions, with family members unwittingly assuming roles as perpetrators, victims, or mediators. Left unchecked, these patterns of dysfunction can become entrenched, eroding familial bonds and hindering individual growth.

Yet, amidst the turmoil, there is hope. Through innovative therapeutic approaches, families can take on healing and reconciliation, managing past trauma to embrace a future defined by mutual understanding and support.

The Path to Healing:

At our organization, we offer a framework for addressing the underlying issues that contribute to familial dysfunction, empowering you to break free from the shackles of intergenerational trauma. Central to this process is the cultivation of empathy and understanding, both within the family unit and in the broader community.

By creating a safe space for open dialogue and honest communication, we begin the healing process, allowing individuals to confront their past traumas and head towards a brighter future. Through individual and group therapy sessions, families learn to navigate conflict constructively.

For individuals like Kritika and Vijay, the journey towards healing is challenging, but ultimately important. By confronting their past traumas and embracing a future defined by mutual respect and understanding, they lay the foundation for a closer bond.

Conclusion

Through therapeutic support, families heal and reconcile, overcoming past trauma for mutual understanding. Together, we can break the cycle of dysfunction.

Worried woman sitting at a kitchen table with phone and papers

The Quiet Damage of Emotional Abuse

April 19, 2026April 19, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

“I still don’t understand how he could control me so easily, like I was a puppet, and why I kept giving in every single time.” Tina said this much later, when she finally had the distance to see things clearly. At the time, she could feel something was wrong, but she did not have the words for it.

Eventually, she understood what it was.

Emotional abuse.

Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

You might think abuse should be obvious and easy to point out, but emotional abuse rarely works that way. It does not show up loudly, and it does not leave visible damage that others can see. Instead, it builds slowly and quietly, affecting how you think, how you feel, and how you see yourself.

You notice something feels off.
You feel drained after simple interactions.
You start questioning your own reactions.

And yet, you stay.

Over time, emotional abuse begins to weaken your sense of self in ways that are easy to miss at first. You may get blamed for things you did not do, while your emotions are dismissed as overreactions. Your version of events gets questioned so often that you begin doubting your own memory. At some point, your focus shifts, and instead of asking why this is happening, you start asking what is wrong with you.

That shift changes everything.

The person causing harm often does not look harmful to others, which makes your experience even harder to validate. They may come across as calm, reasonable, or even caring in public. When you try to speak up, you might hear that you are too sensitive or that you are creating problems. After a while, you start believing it.

You stop trusting yourself.
You stop explaining yourself.
You start staying quiet.

Emotional abuse is not limited to romantic relationships, and that is something people often overlook. It can exist between parents and children, friends, colleagues, or extended family members. Power usually plays a role, even if it is not obvious at first. One person slowly takes control, and the other adjusts just to avoid conflict.

You begin to shrink parts of yourself to keep things steady.

Certain patterns tend to repeat in these situations. You may experience subtle threats that create fear and keep you from speaking freely. Constant criticism can make you feel like nothing you do is enough, even when you are trying your best. Your opinions may get dismissed so often that you eventually stop expressing them, not because you agree, but because you feel exhausted.

You may also feel unwanted while still being expected to stay. That creates a confusing dynamic where you are present but not valued. Isolation can follow, where you slowly drift away from friends or family, sometimes due to guilt or pressure. As your world becomes smaller, your dependence on the same person increases.

Blame plays a strong role here as well. You may find yourself apologizing often, even when you are unsure what you did wrong. Over time, this creates a deeper belief that you are responsible for the situation. You may even start feeling sympathy for the person hurting you.

That is where it gets dangerous.

You begin to believe you deserve this.

If you are in a situation like this, start by being honest with yourself about how you feel in the relationship. Ask yourself if you feel safe, respected, and heard consistently. Notice if you are constantly second-guessing your thoughts or walking on edge around the other person.

Do you feel like yourself anymore?
Or are you adjusting just to avoid conflict?

Talking about your experience can help, even if others do not fully understand at first. Reaching out to a therapist or counselor can give you clarity and help you see patterns more objectively. Setting boundaries matters, but following through on them matters even more.

You do not need permission to protect your mental and emotional well-being.

And keep this clear in your mind as you move forward. Someone being perceived as good by others does not mean they are good for you. Your experience is valid, even if it is not visible to the outside world, and that distinction matters more than you think.

If you find yourself in a situation like this, reaching out for support can make a real difference. At Family Therapy India, you can speak with professionals who understand these patterns and can help you work through the challenges in your relationship in a healthier, more constructive way.

Phone/Whatsapp: +91-9179383554

Unseen Depression in Couples Can Stall Counselling Progress

July 13, 2025July 13, 2025 Ramneek Kapoor

Note: The names in this article are fictional, but the cases are real‑life situations.

When Deepti contacted me recently, she was worried about her husband, Sameer. For quite some time she had noticed changes in his behaviour. He was often irritable and generally not the man she knew. She believed he was depressed, but Sameer avoided admitting it or seeking help. After much persuasion she finally brought him in for a counselling session, and I suggested she sit in as well. Couples counselling often reveals hidden dynamics.

After several sessions it became clear the issue was not only Sameer’s depression; Deepti was struggling too, although she hadn’t realised it. Both were in denial about their emotional health, each convinced the other was the one who needed help. I see this often: it’s easier to blame a partner than look in the mirror.

Denial and deflection in relationships

A common pattern is the “It’s not me, it’s you” mindset around emotions. People dislike admitting something is wrong—especially when the word depression appears. The stigma makes admitting depression feel like defeat, so partners shift all blame to each other.

Deepti’s words show this clearly:

“Sameer says our problems exist because of me, and he tells people if I weren’t depressed we’d be fine. But honestly, I think he’s the one who’s depressed. He’s always complaining, and whenever things don’t go his way, he lashes out at me.”

While Sameer focused on Deepti’s supposed depression, she was battling her own. Neither saw how their emotional states fed off each other. It’s common: partners fixate on the other’s behaviour and ignore their own mental health.

Emotional alienation and its cost

Marriage and argument go hand in hand. Differences of opinion are normal. Trouble starts when every disagreement turns into a full‑blown fight and no one can build a bridge. Depression magnifies conflicts, making everyday issues seem larger and more upsetting than they are. Minor clashes feel like assaults on someone already vulnerable, and couples retreat into isolation.

For Deepti and Sameer, depression ran deep. Sameer’s mood swings and blame‑shifting grew from his own struggles. Deepti felt constantly on the defensive and withdrew. Both wore emotional blinders; neither saw how their feelings fed the problem.

Depression and marital conflict

Depression in relationships doesn’t always appear as expected. One partner may feel the other is hostile when that isn’t true. A small irritation suddenly becomes a crisis. With depression involved, everything feels heavier.

What looked like a simple concern—Sameer’s mental‑health dilemma—revealed that both partners were depressed and that their relationship nurtured it. He became irritable and emotionally shut down, while Deepti felt frustrated and isolated—classic signs of emotional exhaustion.

Sameer believed everything would improve if Deepti weren’t depressed; Deepti believed the same about Sameer’s negativity. Neither realised their shared emotional state lay at the heart of the problem.

Many see depression as something that happens to “other people” or as a personal failure, so couples deny it and point to each other’s actions. Yet mental health in relationships is rarely individual; it’s rooted in how partners relate. If one struggles, the other feels the effects—even if they deny it.

Seema and Jatin: a layer of complexity

Every couple’s story is unique. Seema and Jatin (names changed) were young doctors starting their careers and life together.

One day Seema threatened suicide because Jatin chatted with female colleagues. It stunned him. He hadn’t thought of them romantically, and no amount of explanation eased Seema’s suspicions.

That single incident became a pattern. Seema’s insecurity and emotional instability drained Jatin. He pulled back from friends and family to avoid the drama at home. He told me:

“Seema has idealised suicide since college. We’ve been together seven years, and she throws tantrums only with me. She’ll break up over the smallest things, stay silent for days, then act normal. It’s exhausting, and I have no one to talk to—she seems fine around others.”

The emotional disconnect was huge. Jatin felt he was drowning; Seema didn’t know how to express her needs without terrifying him.

The effect of unmet emotional needs

Depression often grows from unmet emotional needs. Feeling unheard or unloved can spiral into inadequacy and depression. Seema needed Jatin’s attention so intensely that when she didn’t receive it as expected, her balance collapsed.

Jatin tried to hold everything together yet felt hostage to Seema’s demands. Their lack of emotional bonding fed both depressions, and neither saw a way out.

Breaking the cycle

How can couples like Deepti and Sameer or Seema and Jatin break free? They must acknowledge that depression isn’t just an individual illness; it’s shaped by the relationship dynamic. Each partner needs to see how the other’s emotional state affects their own.

Individual therapy helps one person’s conflicts, but couples therapy is vital because it shows how the relationship contributes to the problem. With shared effort, partners can address the emotional disconnect that fuels depression and change it constructively.

The power of mutual support

Marriage is a partnership. Each partner must care about the other’s emotional well‑being; no one can fix everything alone. Mutual support lifts depression and strengthens the bond. Deepti and Sameer improved only when they both accepted their depression and searched for ways to heal together.

Seeking help together

If you or your spouse is depressed, both of you need treatment. Depression is treatable, but it requires effort from each partner. Couples therapy can help you overcome emotional hurdles and rebuild your relationship.

Two are stronger than one. United, couples can find their way back. This isn’t about blame; it’s about knowing you’re in it together. Marriage is a journey, and depression can strain even strong relationships, but it doesn’t have to define them. Acknowledge its role, seek help, and face the road ahead as a team.

We offer family, relationship, and marriage counselling for families, men, women, and couples—whether you have children, are newly married, are considering separation, are divorcing, or are facing any relationship difficulty. We help partners understand each other’s mental and emotional states, improve communication, and overcome obstacles blocking their happiness.

Get in touch with us today or write to us at mansikpramarsh@gmail.com.

Coping with Betrayal: A Family’s Journey Through Post-Infidelity Trauma

June 6, 2024 Ramneek Kapoor

Discovering that her husband had been engaged in an extramarital affair for the past three years with a colleague was a traumatic shock for Shilpa (name changed) and her two children. The revelation devastated her, leaving her stressed and deeply depressed. It felt as though a heavy stone had struck her head. She felt dizzy, foreseeing a challenging time ahead for her and her children. Her heart sank as she saw her twenty-year marriage crumble in an instant.

Shilpa and Arun (name changed) had been married for two decades. They have an 11-year-old son and a daughter who had just turned 18 the previous week. Until this revelation, their family life had been typical of a middle-class, educated household. They experienced occasional arguments and some disputes between husband and wife or mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. However, no one could have anticipated that infidelity would threaten their relationship at a stage when it was believed that their marriage had weathered all storms and smooth sailing was ahead.

The traumatic stress that enveloped the entire family after the revelation of Arun’s affair must be understood in a broader context. It’s a common misconception that such a situation affects only the couple and has minimal impact on other family members. This is far from the truth; the emotional scars run deep for all family members.

The traumatic shock of discovering infidelity brings about intense stress for the entire family. The impact of such a revelation can be as devastating as a natural disaster, mentally, socially, emotionally, and financially uprooting the family. Post-Infidelity Traumatic Stress Disorder (PITSD) needs to be assessed not only on the family as a unit but also on each individual member.

In Shilpa’s case, the effects of PITSD were profound and pervasive.

The Wife’s Struggle with Self-Esteem and Trust

Shilpa lost all confidence in herself and suffered from low self-esteem. She couldn’t comprehend her husband’s infidelity, which shattered the world she had built around him over twenty years. She frequently experienced somatic pains and sleeplessness. At times, her memory was affected, and she would forget minor details about herself. Although frequent visits to her psychiatrist and psychologist provided some relief, the persistent pain and the haunting question of “why” kept resurfacing. Recovery from PITSD seemed like a distant goal for her.

The Children’s Silent Suffering

The children also suffered from PITSD. The looming breakup of their parents’ marriage cast a shadow over their lives. Their son, unable to side with either parent, retreated into silence. He spoke in low tones and used very few words to express his needs. This resulted in neglect of his studies and self-care. However, the situation brought the siblings closer together, offering each other the comfort and support their parents could no longer provide.

The Daughter’s Emotional Turmoil

The daughter struggled to cope with the situation. She believed that if she had paid more attention to the family dynamics over the years, the affair could have been avoided. She was engulfed in self-remorse. Any discussion about the affair triggered severe depression, and she would start crying uncontrollably. Her father, whom she had seen as an infallible hero, had let her down profoundly. She ended up fighting with both her parents multiple times a day, refusing to listen to any explanations from her father. She developed an eating disorder, and her physician diagnosed her with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). PITSD doesn’t affect just one individual; it disrupts the entire family system. As family therapists, it’s crucial to focus on the couple as a single unit, but in such cases, it’s evident that the sub-systems within the family also need as much attention and intervention as the main couple.

The Strain on the Unfaithful Spouse

The revelation of infidelity is traumatic for the unfaithful spouse too. Arun felt miserable, knowing his children were aware of his actions. He faced constant guilt and the wrath of his partner. A defiant attitude had been manageable while dealing with his spouse alone, but the reaction from his adult daughter and adolescent son was too intense to ignore. Consequently, his business suffered, he experienced nightmares, and visits to the family therapist became frequent.

Addressing Post-Infidelity Traumatic Stress Disorder (PITSD)

PITSD is a condition that needs to be taken seriously. The profound impact on all family members requires a comprehensive approach to healing. Here are some essential steps for addressing PITSD within a family:

Acknowledgment and Acceptance: The first step is to acknowledge the pain and accept that healing will take time. Both the unfaithful spouse and the betrayed partner need to recognize the trauma caused by the infidelity.
Therapy for All Members: Individual therapy for each family member and family therapy sessions can help address the emotional wounds. A professional therapist can guide the family through the healing process, providing tools to cope with the trauma.
Open Communication: Encouraging open communication within the family is crucial. Each member should feel safe to express their feelings and thoughts without fear of judgment. This can help in rebuilding trust and understanding.
Support Networks: Leaning on support networks, such as friends, extended family, or support groups for those affected by infidelity, can provide additional emotional support and practical advice.
Self-Care and Coping Mechanisms: Each family member should be encouraged to engage in self-care practices and develop healthy coping mechanisms. This can include physical activities, hobbies, or mindfulness exercises that promote emotional well-being.
Setting Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries can help in managing interactions and reducing conflicts. It’s important for each family member to understand and respect these boundaries to create a safe environment for healing.
Rebuilding Trust: Rebuilding trust is a slow process that requires consistent effort. The unfaithful spouse must demonstrate genuine remorse and commitment to change, while the betrayed partner needs time and space to heal and eventually rebuild trust.
Focus on the Children: Special attention should be given to the children’s emotional needs. They may require additional support from school counselors or child psychologists to help them process their feelings and cope with the changes in their family dynamics.

Infidelity is a painful and challenging experience, but with the right support and strategies, families can navigate through the trauma and emerge stronger. Understanding the profound impact of Post-Infidelity Traumatic Stress Disorder and addressing it with empathy and care is essential for the healing process. Each member of the family deserves attention and support to rebuild their lives and move forward.