Premarital counseling – What should the couple ask a psychologist counselor?

When Pooja  and Prakash  had been advised by their friends  to consult a family therapist , they had virtually not known , “what questions they should go and ask the counsellor”.Pooja and Prakash both have had a very private life . To them it was a very big task to go and meet a stranger and discuss  about their love and the  daily issues that had been causing the lovers’ tiff amongst newly engaged couple .Theirs had been an arranged affair. Pooja’s brother  and Prakash’s father worked in the same office . The meeting was arranged by the family after they learnt from Prakash’s father that they had been looking for a match for their son. Things materialised too fast and before   she could realise what had happened , they had been committed to each other. Pooja at times felt , she could have taken some more time to decide, and so did Prakash. They wanted that  they should know each other better before they plunge into the final nod of ,matrimony.

What should the couple ask a psychologist counselor  could be the dilemma   with every  who is in the process of tying the knots in the near future.   Some of the questions that a young couple may have in mind could   be  :

1. What should they ask the counselor separately as individuals and  as  a couple together once  have decided to tie the nuptials?
2. Does every couple need such counseling?or is it only their unique situation ?
3. But we have known each other for so long as lovers / friend’s ,why do we need ,counseling now?
4. Will the counseling be done in privacy or  will there be more couples will be involved in the process?
5. Will the counseling involve my /ours parents too?
6. How will the counseling help me/ us have a smooth/ rocking marital relationships?
7. How many sessions will be necessary?
8. What if counselling proves contradictory to the expectations?
9. Will we still love each after the counselling ?
10. Will the counselling bring it closer still?

  We look at some of the  answers in the lines below :

What is the right time for a Couple to Seek Premarital Counseling  and what the questions could relate to ?

• When both the partners are very young and have never been married. ( of course both have   to take decision to get  married only at the legal marriage age allowed by the law of the land )
• When the commitment for marriage cannot be taken with an open mind and the decision leads to fears and phobia in the individual’s mind.The counsellor could be able to remove the fears and phobia related to marriage decision.
•  When the decision involves many issues related to   religion, culture, family ,  economic, social background, income,, parenting, household responsibility, work, job, career ambitions,  physical intimacy, sex, companionship, privacy, loss of independence etc. Take your questions to the counsellor and addressed them together .
• When any of the near relatives, parents, siblings, have been through a bad marriage in the family. The counsellor should be able to clear your doubts and fears.
• When either or both partners have had a failed marriage before and have been through a trauma of legal divorce.It is very important here to seek counselling before you commit yourself to the new relationship.
• When the family pressures conflict with personal reasons and attitude.The counsellor will help you reconcile and look at the things differently.
•   When the individual have been a victim of childhood abuse or domestic violence.The professional counselling is needed to come out of the previous trauma so that you are able to lead a peaceful and much happier  life now after the wedding .
• When individual has other reasons that could create conflicting situations with either of the spouse or other near and dear ones.Take it up with the counsellor and resolve all issues.

  Let’s Understand a few facts: We as individual live in a predetermined, self imposed ,self selected privacy as we go about our daily living in families and in various roles of society. Yet within this privacy we do have the necessary social interaction and relationships.   Marital counseling can help the couple develop a relationship that has the inbuilt system of allowing space to both the spouses and yet bring about the required intimacy for enjoying the new relationship.  The couple should evolve like two full grown flowers that spread a common fragrance of love and affection and yet appear beautiful in their own individual identity.    Every couple knows that their Dedication to Marriage will build stronger relationships.  Their dedication towards each other will bring about a strong love for each other, a sense of humor, willingness to grow up together, necessary strength for working towards a common cause, shared and tolerance for each other’s religious and cultural beliefs, and commonality of life’s goals.  This dedication will be built upon love, affection, empathy, allowance, understanding, commitment, communication, friendship and of course yearning for companionship.  All these adjectives together make a beautiful garden known as the marriage. One such missing petal can cause the whole flowers fall apart hence the mental strength gained through premarital counseling will provide the necessary feed, , sunlight   and the nurturing to the romancing couple and of course the bring down the ever rising divorce rate the world over.