Is your uncontrolled anger damaging your relationship with your spouse ?

Nothing else can be as fatal for the marital relationship as your anger. An uncontrolled anger is like a slow poison to the strong threads of relations between husband and wife .The uncontrolled anger virtually eats into the very roots of love,trust and respectability of both the partners .

I have observed while counseling estranged or opposing spouses that couples would often express their anger and resentment towards each other and after a while they tend to cool down when educated about their misplacement of their emotions or expectations from each other.

However heavens may help in situations where one of the spouses happen to have an uncontrolable anger . Such expression of constant complaints and anger often leads to physical abuse ,emotional accusations against each other and ultimate separation.

Anger is not so bad if used momentarily and allowed to subside and defused once it has been expressed. The message that the angry person has been upset over certain issues or acts of either spouse can be conveyed and thereafter both would do better to come to the levels of finding ways to negotiate peace and make amends .

There comes a stage when the partners need to involve a professional family therapist who can help them look at their differences or different perceptions in new light to sort out the disputes .Such intervention is arranged with a view to evolve newer and better emotional understanding amongst the couple ,even though the previous hurt still remains at the background. But the seething anger has been overcome as the partners give each other opportunities to grow their new closeness and understanding.

But many a times the harmed partner particularly wife finds it difficult to let go of the past and forgive her husband. Her anger seethes like a wild fire that knows no direction ,hovering over the relationship and destroying everything that comes in its path .Such situation finds no retrieval and the couple sooner or later ends up parting ways through legal separation,or finding it difficult to stay together peacefully.

A partner with such an uncontrolled anger often brings to the fore the mistakes of the other partner,by shaming him or her at every available opportunities,refuses to listen to any explanation by the partner and believes no compromise can be big enough to solve the problems which have arisen in their relationship.

An understanding partner can help coverup many shortcomings ,mistakes and at times blunders of the erring partner unless it happens to be a complete erosion of trust and faith.But in the event of such a situation too,the partners need to sit together by letting the anger go and understand how to proceed with their relationship further or even give it a break by inflicting the minimum damage to the family and partners themselves.

It is important that both husband and wife should pay attention to their anger control and if they find that their relationship is getting affected by such frequent bursts of anger. They should consult a counseling psychologist and family therapist .A trained professional counselor and family therapist would help them with relevant anger management therapies including perceptive breathing exercises .

While there are enough advisors in every social circle to guide and help the estranged or fighting couples but such unprofessional approach unknowingly out of their ignorance can ignite more anger or mistrust towards each other often leading to frequent accusations. As far as possible couples should avoid such agony aunts for their own betterment .Repeated complaints, frequent bickerings and trying to put down the partner or staging a show down for your partner just because you are angry with him or her can on the contrary take the love out of relations,resulting into the damaged partner finding solace elsewhere .No partner in the right mind who values relationship would like to be in such an embarrassing situation .Anytime you feel angry with or at your partner ,give yourself sometime to think over if the confrontation can be through anger or matters can also be discussed without losing control and being firm in your tone and body language.

,If you have such  uncontrolled anger /domestic violence  situation You should come to us at Family Therapy India and we will help you resolve all issues of your marriage in more amicable manner .Find us @ http://www.familytherapyindia.com.

Email us @mansikpramarsh@gmail.com

Call: 09179383554,917314263087

Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert .

Premarital counseling – What should the couple ask a psychologist counselor?

35127-dating-couple-1200When Pooja  and Prakash  had been advised by their friends  to consult a family therapist , they had virtually not known , “what questions they should go and ask the counsellor”.Pooja and Prakash both have had a very private life . To them it was a very big task to go and meet a stranger and discuss  about their love and the  daily issues that had been causing the lovers’ tiff amongst newly engaged couple .Theirs had been an arranged affair. Pooja’s brother  and Prakash’s father worked in the same office . The meeting was arranged by the family after they learnt from Prakash’s father that they had been looking for a match for their son. Things materialised too fast and before   she could realise what had happened , they had been committed to each other. Pooja at times felt , she could have taken some more time to decide, and so did Prakash. They wanted that  they should know each other better before they plunge into the final nod of ,matrimony.

  1. What should they ask the counselor separately as individuals and  as  a couple together once  have decided to tie the nuptials?
  2. Does every couple need such counseling?or is it only their unique situation ?
  3. But we have known each other for so long as lovers / friend’s ,why do we need ,counseling now?
  4. Will the counseling be done in privacy or  will there be more couples will be involved in the process?
  5. Will the counseling involve my /ours parents too?
  6. How will the counseling help me/ us have a smooth/ rocking marital relationships?
  7. How many sessions will be necessary?
  8. What if counselling proves contradictory to the expectations?
  9. Will we still love each after the counselling ?
  10. Will the counselling bring it closer still?

  We look at some of the  answers in the lines below :

What is the right time for a Couple to Seek Premarital Counseling  and what the questions could relate to ?

  • When both the partners are very young and have never been married. ( of course both have   to take decision to get  married only at the legal marriage age allowed by the law of the land )
  • When the commitment for marriage cannot be taken with an open mind and the decision leads to fears and phobia in the individual’s mind.The counsellor could be able to remove the fears and phobia related to marriage decision.
  •  When the decision involves many issues related to   religion, culture, family ,  economic, social background, income,, parenting, household responsibility, work, job, career ambitions,  physical intimacy, sex, companionship, privacy, loss of independence etc. Take your questions to the counsellor and addressed them together .
  • When any of the near relatives, parents, siblings, have been through a bad marriage in the family. The counsellor should be able to clear your doubts and fears.
  • When either or both partners have had a failed marriage before and have been through a trauma of legal divorce.It is very important here to seek counselling before you commit yourself to the new relationship.
  • When the family pressures conflict with personal reasons and attitude.The counsellor will help you reconcile and look at the things differently.
  •   When the individual have been a victim of childhood abuse or domestic violence.The professional counselling is needed to come out of the previous trauma so that you are able to lead a peaceful and much happier  life now after the wedding .
  • When individual has other reasons that could create conflicting situations with either of the spouse or other near and dear ones.Take it up with the counsellor and resolve all issues.

maxresdefault (1)  Let’s Understand a few facts: We as individual live in a predetermined, self imposed ,self selected privacy as we go about our daily living in families and in various roles of society. Yet within this privacy we do have the necessary social interaction and relationships.   Marital counseling can help the couple develop a relationship that has the inbuilt system of allowing space to both the spouses and yet bring about the required intimacy for enjoying the new relationship.  The couple should evolve like two full grown flowers that spread a common fragrance of love and affection and yet appear beautiful in their own individual identity.    Every couple knows that their Dedication to Marriage will build stronger relationships.  Their dedication towards each other will bring about a strong love for each other, a sense of humor, willingness to grow up together, necessary strength for working towards a common cause, shared and tolerance for each other’s religious and cultural beliefs, and commonality of life’s goals.  This dedication will be built upon love, affection, empathy, allowance, understanding, commitment, communication, friendship and of course yearning for companionship.  All these adjectives together make a beautiful garden known as the marriage. One such missing petal can cause the whole flowers fall apart hence the mental strength gained through premarital counseling will provide the necessary feed, , sunlight   and the nurturing to the romancing couple and of course the bring down the ever rising divorce rate the world over.

wsi-imageoptim-family-smaller

Premarital Counseling

images (3)

Suzy and Amit have been going steady for quite sometime now.Their families were happy that both of them had eventually decided to get married. Suzy was happy too as she celebrated the announcement of her engagement to Amit to all her friends by throwing a grand party. Amit too had attended it but he did not seem to be very happy with the decision. He wanted some more time to decide but had to say yes on account of family insistence.Suzy was quite taken aback by his reluctance.Suzy’s mother suggested they should consult a family therapist.

Nalini had finally found the love of her life when Abhishek had proposed to her . She was however zittery of sharing her life with someone for all times to come .She wanted that both she and her fiance Abhishek should consult a marriage counsellor to understand what lay in their life after wedding.

The decision to get married is a very happy moment but at the same time individuals (irrespective of the fact whether they are male or female) get very apprehensive of sharing their freedom, space, individuality and even responsibility of handing over the managing of their lives to someone else. Falling in love and getting engaged to someone you have fancied as life partner is very fascinating. The post engagement is a thrilling and a very delightful time. It is a time when dating, dreaming and fanciful planning takes place between the couples. Most of the couples come close and become emotionally fond of each other. The physicality of intimacy, close proximity and the idea of having fallen in love are very intoxicating. This period is the time to know each other and thereby cementing ties for a happy life long relationship. The couples in addition to falling in love should preferably take out some time together to get a positive premarital counseling. Such a premarital counseling will help the couples uncover and resolve many issues that could become too late after having been married.

Let us see what the premarital counseling means to newly engaged couple:

graphic_couple

Premarital Counseling – a future Relationship Therapy: As blissful couples go through their engagement, looking at their own ring and adoring the engagement. They get busy preparing their wedding trousseau , finalizing wedding plans. There are enough people to take care of the details of the accessories. The couple should take out some time for the most important thing of all – their relationship at present and their relationship that is being built up through the sacred marriage. In earlier times of joint family systems, an older sister, sister in law, other seniors in the family like a grandmother, or an older aunt, some close family friend took over the counseling of the bride to be or the groom to be. But the independent single family system has deprived such a privilege to modern couples. Social thinkers and family psychologists recommend that each couple who has opted to get married and tie the knot should go through at least one session of premarital counseling. Couples may have specific needs in premarital counseling and therapy, such as following particular religious faith and culture, maintaining traditions of their family issues and the questions of sharing their personal world, privacy or possessions with another person and likewise, so there could be many questions lurking about the future life.

51372915-happy-couple-in-love-dating

What is premarital counselling? premarital counseling is advice and counseling imparted to a young couple (man and woman) who are about to get married shortly. The counseling usually is imparted to the couple together. But many a times individual counseling is also undertaken to assist the individuals in removing many of the myths, fears, misconceptions which could lead to conflicts in marriage later, if not handled at the individual level. The premarital counseling is facilitated by a qualified psychologist who has had the experience of dealing with marital and family problems for a long time. The premarital counseling renders

  1. Help to the couples to identify those areas of conflict that could become problematic later on in their lives.
  1. Assist couples in developing understanding for the changed roles in their lives and the expected mutual adjustments expected from now on in their lives.
  2. Equip them with the skills to enjoy and pilot their way through a meaningful marriage successfully.
  3. To develop as responsible fun loving companions for each other and to the other family members.
  • A professional counselor addressing the pre-marital counseling to the couple will make use of many kinds of assessment criterion to help the couple understand the rosy as well as bleak areas which could either make the marriage enjoyable journey or fill it up with potential complications. The psychologist will address some of the common areas given below at the time of premarital counseling:
  • Male –female Sexuality and its implications /expectations in a married life.
  • Interests and Activities of a married couple and as individual entities
  • Role Expectations for both the partners
  • Personal Adjustment /accommodation for a successful marriage.
  • Interpersonal Communication and interfamily adjustments
  • Culture, Morality, Ethics, Religion And Philosophy
  • Marriage Expectations and the changed life thereafter
  • Family Issues and mutual responsibility
  • Finances- income- individual-shared
  • Personal growth, family growth, Children ,and Parenting

wsi-imageoptim-family

Let’s begin knowing each other

IMG_20151108_125327 (2)Mr. Ramneek Kapoor Postgraduate Dip.in Counselling and Family Therapy,M.A.Clinical Psychology, ,M.A.Science of Living Preksha Meditation &Yoga,M.A.Eng,M.B.A,P.G.D.M.S.M.
  • A well known   family therapist, relationship counselor, clinical psychologist  and counseling psychologist.Dr. Kapoor is an expert in clinical analysis of the marital emotional issues,Family therapy, Relationship therapy, Marital therapy ,relationship  counseling ,  psychotherapies , Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Solution Focused based short term therapy, Group therapy, , counseling for Suicidal Patients,  depression, anxiety, stress and anger Management techniques and Relaxation techniques to mention a few.He has been actively involved in helping  families, elderly couples, married couples, dating couples   with their  mental health and well being . He has been  acknowledged as the best mentor family therapist of young  children , school kids, adolescents  and young college going youth, married couples ,elderly people suffering from mental, psychological and emotional issues in their lives. He is presently working as “Family Therapist, Relationship Counselor ,Clinical and Counseling Psychologist” in Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation, Indore (M.P.) dealing in  family therapy ,  relationship psychology, clinical psychology , child psychology, Neuro-psychology.
img-20121005-00058-e1415269392398Ms Alka Kapoor M.A.Clinical Psychology Psychologist and Family Therapist hold an experience of 4 decades in the areas of family therapy and Relationship Counseling.Hundreds have been benefited by her gentle counseling.
  • Mrs. Alka kapoor   a rank holder in M.A.Clinical Psychology from Punjab University Chandigarh   is  Director, Family Therapist Mentor Psychologist  of Alka Mansik Pramarsh  Foundation,   Indore. She is expert   family therapist, relationship counselor,clinical psychologist with professional Excellence in Guidance & Counseling field.  Her counseling is   based on the principle of Guidance & Counseling with a gentle touch. She is an expert  dietitian and a  trainer in Yogic Science. She has more than 25 years experience in counseling and guiding people. Thousands of counselees have been benefited by her advise and counseling.
  • She is registered as a professional psychologist from RCI. She  is  a trained expert  in the field of   marriage therapy  psychology, counselling, assessment, psychological therapeutics, organizational behavior and skills development.
Family therapy and Relationship Counseling is an exploratory journey  into the possibilities of bringing back the  pleasures of the love,companionship and heavenly bliss.

images (1).jpgwsi-imageoptim-family-smaller

Though initially it may begin with personal pains but the best things occur once we undertake it.Do get in touch today.

email:mansikpramarsh@gmail.com ,Phone:9189383554, 7224896739,07314263087