Is your uncontrolled anger damaging your relationship with your spouse ?

Nothing else can be as fatal for the marital relationship as your anger. An uncontrolled anger is like a slow poison to the strong threads of relations between husband and wife .The uncontrolled anger virtually eats into the very roots of love,trust and respectability of both the partners .

I have observed while counseling estranged or opposing spouses that couples would often express their anger and resentment towards each other and after a while they tend to cool down when educated about their misplacement of their emotions or expectations from each other.

However heavens may help in situations where one of the spouses happen to have an uncontrolable anger . Such expression of constant complaints and anger often leads to physical abuse ,emotional accusations against each other and ultimate separation.

Anger is not so bad if used momentarily and allowed to subside and defused once it has been expressed. The message that the angry person has been upset over certain issues or acts of either spouse can be conveyed and thereafter both would do better to come to the levels of finding ways to negotiate peace and make amends .

There comes a stage when the partners need to involve a professional family therapist who can help them look at their differences or different perceptions in new light to sort out the disputes .Such intervention is arranged with a view to evolve newer and better emotional understanding amongst the couple ,even though the previous hurt still remains at the background. But the seething anger has been overcome as the partners give each other opportunities to grow their new closeness and understanding.

But many a times the harmed partner particularly wife finds it difficult to let go of the past and forgive her husband. Her anger seethes like a wild fire that knows no direction ,hovering over the relationship and destroying everything that comes in its path .Such situation finds no retrieval and the couple sooner or later ends up parting ways through legal separation,or finding it difficult to stay together peacefully.

A partner with such an uncontrolled anger often brings to the fore the mistakes of the other partner,by shaming him or her at every available opportunities,refuses to listen to any explanation by the partner and believes no compromise can be big enough to solve the problems which have arisen in their relationship.

An understanding partner can help coverup many shortcomings ,mistakes and at times blunders of the erring partner unless it happens to be a complete erosion of trust and faith.But in the event of such a situation too,the partners need to sit together by letting the anger go and understand how to proceed with their relationship further or even give it a break by inflicting the minimum damage to the family and partners themselves.

It is important that both husband and wife should pay attention to their anger control and if they find that their relationship is getting affected by such frequent bursts of anger. They should consult a counseling psychologist and family therapist .A trained professional counselor and family therapist would help them with relevant anger management therapies including perceptive breathing exercises .

While there are enough advisors in every social circle to guide and help the estranged or fighting couples but such unprofessional approach unknowingly out of their ignorance can ignite more anger or mistrust towards each other often leading to frequent accusations. As far as possible couples should avoid such agony aunts for their own betterment .Repeated complaints, frequent bickerings and trying to put down the partner or staging a show down for your partner just because you are angry with him or her can on the contrary take the love out of relations,resulting into the damaged partner finding solace elsewhere .No partner in the right mind who values relationship would like to be in such an embarrassing situation .Anytime you feel angry with or at your partner ,give yourself sometime to think over if the confrontation can be through anger or matters can also be discussed without losing control and being firm in your tone and body language.

,If you have such  uncontrolled anger /domestic violence  situation You should come to us at Family Therapy India and we will help you resolve all issues of your marriage in more amicable manner .Find us @ http://www.familytherapyindia.com.

Email us @mansikpramarsh@gmail.com

Call: 09179383554,917314263087

Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert .

Are you a happy couple or an unhappy one but you are in love.Pick up some Tips for Building a life lasting Relationship

photo-1523975989600-f61068b1a4b3Ankur and Meeta have been married for  a number  of years now . They seem to have been having serious thoughts on their relationship already. The couple have been  staying with and without each other quite frequently in all these four years . One small tiff and the bags get packed . Meeta gets back to her mother’s house, or if she does not go out then it’s Ankur who would shift to the separate bedroom at the first floor of the house.  The accusations and blames keep them apart for a few months, till one of them apologizes.They come together and the honeymoon begins again .  Ankur’s mother has by now adjusted to their frequent bouts, as it has become a routine affair. Meeta wants Ankur should be dynamic in today’s competitive world and drop his laid back attitude .She would like him to move fast in his career ,and match the dynamism,she feels she is equipped with.For Ankur,the priorities are his family,his ailing mother who needs him and hence he feels satisfied with his progress.

couplesSomewhat similar  story has been going on between Bhuvan and Anita .Their 16 years of marriage has come to a stand still with both virtually accusing each other of neglect and  oppression .Anita blames Bhuvan of having neglected her  for  all their   marriage period. She feels she could have done better if she had adopted a career so that she could get away from the demands of married life. Bhuvan on the other hand feels oppressed, saying, ” She has been a very demanding wife and does not allow me to breathe freely .I need space of my own now”. he continues, ” from the day we began dating each other she has been like this always”.

But does it happen only after marriage. Not necessarily . Ashy and Neelu end up quarreling  on every date even though they would be making up soon. The new  issue would come at the next date .  For them ,it is wonderful feeling to be in love and date each other. The couple meets for awhile and then pine for each other till they meet at the next date.

images (6)While dating prior to the commitment made to each other for a long term relationship, everything is seen by the lovers  from behind the rosy shades of love and affection for each other. The emotions of possessiveness and yearning do not   allow the lovers to think of and bring in the mundane communication of a daily grinds of life.

It is definitely fine for short term love / date experiments .But being in a long-term relationship isn’t merely pining for the lover’s physical proximity and  intimacy alone. Being in long term relationships will involve managing and taking care of many other lives in addition to the lives of the lovers. And it is not an easy task.  Both people need to accommodate themselves to new family atmosphere and new relationships in their lives ( which come into their lives as an inheritance of marrying each other)  . May be a few years later  they will have to raise their own children  to make their family a complete unit.

The lovers need to  then communicate over many other issues in addition to the romance and love in marriage. The issues that gain priority over love may pertain to jobs and careers, money and household expense, household work and taking care of the babies, social, cultural and religious affairs, parenting and in many cases taking care of the aged and old in the families.

coupleAs a couple begins their journey into the long-term relationship of wedded bliss, their love for each other many a times may take a back seat and the love gets reduced to a few stolen kisses and quickies here and there. The couple forgets about nurturing and keeping the flame of love and desire for each other alive. Soon the infatuation of physical hunger wears off and then the focus shifts from the affection to the problems.

photo-1526736054478-78a346854f1bThe stark realities of need for more money, career priorities and of culture, of religion, and of family may cause concerns and small squabbles. Before these squabbles get blown into major issues and a beautiful relationship begins to disintegrate. The couple needs to understand that every relationship is important in life and more so with the one with whom you have to spend your life time.

Needless to say, that every difference and misunderstanding should be treated as worth working for and saving, once the infatuation begins to fade.

photo-1484660073876-32a014c54b24Communication in person and not on the social media , is the only tool and doorway to establish a better understanding. The couple, need to take  up all those problems that are causing strangled relationship .It is always good to keep the bedroom stories confined to  four walls of the personal  bedrooms .But should the couple  feel  they are  not able to communicate with each other without raising voices and angers , they should get the professional advise of the family  therapist and relationship  counselor.  The  airing of grievances in the family sitting room can aggravate the problems and cut down the love quotient. Isn’t it a fact that the love still exists, we just have to bring it to the fore again.

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Premarital counseling – What should the couple ask a psychologist counselor?

35127-dating-couple-1200When Pooja  and Prakash  had been advised by their friends  to consult a family therapist , they had virtually not known , “what questions they should go and ask the counsellor”.Pooja and Prakash both have had a very private life . To them it was a very big task to go and meet a stranger and discuss  about their love and the  daily issues that had been causing the lovers’ tiff amongst newly engaged couple .Theirs had been an arranged affair. Pooja’s brother  and Prakash’s father worked in the same office . The meeting was arranged by the family after they learnt from Prakash’s father that they had been looking for a match for their son. Things materialised too fast and before   she could realise what had happened , they had been committed to each other. Pooja at times felt , she could have taken some more time to decide, and so did Prakash. They wanted that  they should know each other better before they plunge into the final nod of ,matrimony.

  1. What should they ask the counselor separately as individuals and  as  a couple together once  have decided to tie the nuptials?
  2. Does every couple need such counseling?or is it only their unique situation ?
  3. But we have known each other for so long as lovers / friend’s ,why do we need ,counseling now?
  4. Will the counseling be done in privacy or  will there be more couples will be involved in the process?
  5. Will the counseling involve my /ours parents too?
  6. How will the counseling help me/ us have a smooth/ rocking marital relationships?
  7. How many sessions will be necessary?
  8. What if counselling proves contradictory to the expectations?
  9. Will we still love each after the counselling ?
  10. Will the counselling bring it closer still?

  We look at some of the  answers in the lines below :

What is the right time for a Couple to Seek Premarital Counseling  and what the questions could relate to ?

  • When both the partners are very young and have never been married. ( of course both have   to take decision to get  married only at the legal marriage age allowed by the law of the land )
  • When the commitment for marriage cannot be taken with an open mind and the decision leads to fears and phobia in the individual’s mind.The counsellor could be able to remove the fears and phobia related to marriage decision.
  •  When the decision involves many issues related to   religion, culture, family ,  economic, social background, income,, parenting, household responsibility, work, job, career ambitions,  physical intimacy, sex, companionship, privacy, loss of independence etc. Take your questions to the counsellor and addressed them together .
  • When any of the near relatives, parents, siblings, have been through a bad marriage in the family. The counsellor should be able to clear your doubts and fears.
  • When either or both partners have had a failed marriage before and have been through a trauma of legal divorce.It is very important here to seek counselling before you commit yourself to the new relationship.
  • When the family pressures conflict with personal reasons and attitude.The counsellor will help you reconcile and look at the things differently.
  •   When the individual have been a victim of childhood abuse or domestic violence.The professional counselling is needed to come out of the previous trauma so that you are able to lead a peaceful and much happier  life now after the wedding .
  • When individual has other reasons that could create conflicting situations with either of the spouse or other near and dear ones.Take it up with the counsellor and resolve all issues.

maxresdefault (1)  Let’s Understand a few facts: We as individual live in a predetermined, self imposed ,self selected privacy as we go about our daily living in families and in various roles of society. Yet within this privacy we do have the necessary social interaction and relationships.   Marital counseling can help the couple develop a relationship that has the inbuilt system of allowing space to both the spouses and yet bring about the required intimacy for enjoying the new relationship.  The couple should evolve like two full grown flowers that spread a common fragrance of love and affection and yet appear beautiful in their own individual identity.    Every couple knows that their Dedication to Marriage will build stronger relationships.  Their dedication towards each other will bring about a strong love for each other, a sense of humor, willingness to grow up together, necessary strength for working towards a common cause, shared and tolerance for each other’s religious and cultural beliefs, and commonality of life’s goals.  This dedication will be built upon love, affection, empathy, allowance, understanding, commitment, communication, friendship and of course yearning for companionship.  All these adjectives together make a beautiful garden known as the marriage. One such missing petal can cause the whole flowers fall apart hence the mental strength gained through premarital counseling will provide the necessary feed, , sunlight   and the nurturing to the romancing couple and of course the bring down the ever rising divorce rate the world over.

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Let’s begin knowing each other

IMG_20151108_125327 (2)Mr. Ramneek Kapoor Postgraduate Dip.in Counselling and Family Therapy,M.A.Clinical Psychology, ,M.A.Science of Living Preksha Meditation &Yoga,M.A.Eng,M.B.A,P.G.D.M.S.M.
  • A well known   family therapist, relationship counselor, clinical psychologist  and counseling psychologist.Dr. Kapoor is an expert in clinical analysis of the marital emotional issues,Family therapy, Relationship therapy, Marital therapy ,relationship  counseling ,  psychotherapies , Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Solution Focused based short term therapy, Group therapy, , counseling for Suicidal Patients,  depression, anxiety, stress and anger Management techniques and Relaxation techniques to mention a few.He has been actively involved in helping  families, elderly couples, married couples, dating couples   with their  mental health and well being . He has been  acknowledged as the best mentor family therapist of young  children , school kids, adolescents  and young college going youth, married couples ,elderly people suffering from mental, psychological and emotional issues in their lives. He is presently working as “Family Therapist, Relationship Counselor ,Clinical and Counseling Psychologist” in Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation, Indore (M.P.) dealing in  family therapy ,  relationship psychology, clinical psychology , child psychology, Neuro-psychology.
img-20121005-00058-e1415269392398Ms Alka Kapoor M.A.Clinical Psychology Psychologist and Family Therapist hold an experience of 4 decades in the areas of family therapy and Relationship Counseling.Hundreds have been benefited by her gentle counseling.
  • Mrs. Alka kapoor   a rank holder in M.A.Clinical Psychology from Punjab University Chandigarh   is  Director, Family Therapist Mentor Psychologist  of Alka Mansik Pramarsh  Foundation,   Indore. She is expert   family therapist, relationship counselor,clinical psychologist with professional Excellence in Guidance & Counseling field.  Her counseling is   based on the principle of Guidance & Counseling with a gentle touch. She is an expert  dietitian and a  trainer in Yogic Science. She has more than 25 years experience in counseling and guiding people. Thousands of counselees have been benefited by her advise and counseling.
  • She is registered as a professional psychologist from RCI. She  is  a trained expert  in the field of   marriage therapy  psychology, counselling, assessment, psychological therapeutics, organizational behavior and skills development.
Family therapy and Relationship Counseling is an exploratory journey  into the possibilities of bringing back the  pleasures of the love,companionship and heavenly bliss.

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Though initially it may begin with personal pains but the best things occur once we undertake it.Do get in touch today.

email:mansikpramarsh@gmail.com ,Phone:9189383554, 7224896739,07314263087