anxiety – FAMILY THERAPY INDIA

Is your uncontrolled anger damaging your relationship with your spouse ?

August 20, 2026August 20, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Nothing else can be as fatal for the marital relationship as your anger. An uncontrolled anger is like a slow poison to the strong threads of relations between husband and wife .The uncontrolled anger virtually eats into the very roots of love,trust and respectability of both the partners .

I have observed while counseling estranged or opposing spouses that couples would often express their anger and resentment towards each other and after a while they tend to cool down when educated about their misplacement of their emotions or expectations from each other.

However heavens may help in situations where one of the spouses happen to have an uncontrolable anger . Such expression of constant complaints and anger often leads to physical abuse ,emotional accusations against each other and ultimate separation.

Anger is not so bad if used momentarily and allowed to subside and defused once it has been expressed. The message that the angry person has been upset over certain issues or acts of either spouse can be conveyed and thereafter both would do better to come to the levels of finding ways to negotiate peace and make amends .

There comes a stage when the partners need to involve a professional family therapist who can help them look at their differences or different perceptions in new light to sort out the disputes .Such intervention is arranged with a view to evolve newer and better emotional understanding amongst the couple ,even though the previous hurt still remains at the background. But the seething anger has been overcome as the partners give each other opportunities to grow their new closeness and understanding.

But many a times the harmed partner particularly wife finds it difficult to let go of the past and forgive her husband. Her anger seethes like a wild fire that knows no direction ,hovering over the relationship and destroying everything that comes in its path .Such situation finds no retrieval and the couple sooner or later ends up parting ways through legal separation,or finding it difficult to stay together peacefully.

A partner with such an uncontrolled anger often brings to the fore the mistakes of the other partner,by shaming him or her at every available opportunities,refuses to listen to any explanation by the partner and believes no compromise can be big enough to solve the problems which have arisen in their relationship.

An understanding partner can help coverup many shortcomings ,mistakes and at times blunders of the other partner unless it happens to be a complete erosion of trust and faith.But in the event of such a situation too,the partners need to sit together by letting the anger go and understand how to proceed with their relationship further or even give it a break by inflicting the minimum damage to the family and partners themselves.

It is important that both husband and wife should pay attention to their anger control and if they find that their relationship is getting affected by such frequent bursts of anger. They should consult a counseling psychologist and family therapist .A trained professional counselor and family therapist would help them with relevant anger management therapies including perceptive breathing exercises .

Family therapist during meeting with unhappy, married couple

While there are enough advisors in every social circle to guide and help the estranged or fighting couples but such unprofessional approach unknowingly out of their ignorance can ignite more anger or mistrust towards each other often leading to frequent accusations. As far as possible couples should avoid such agony aunts for their own betterment .Repeated complaints, frequent bickerings and trying to put down the partner or staging a show down for your partner just because you are angry with him or her can on the contrary take the love out of relations,resulting into the damaged partner finding solace elsewhere .No partner in the right mind who values relationship would like to be in such an embarrassing situation .Anytime you feel angry with or at your partner ,give yourself sometime to think over if the confrontation can be through anger or matters can also be discussed without losing control and being firm in your tone and body language.

,If you have such uncontrolled anger /domestic violence situation You should come to us at Family Therapy India and we will help you resolve all issues of your marriage in more amicable manner .Find us @ http://www.familytherapyindia.com.

Email us @mansikpramarsh@gmail.com

Call: 09179383554,917314263087

–Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert .

How does work affect your marital health?

August 5, 2026August 5, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Yes it could be shocking to learn that the avocation we all take to make money and keep the life going , sometimes can be detrimental to a good marital relationship creating an unfathomable distance amongst the partners to the marriage vows .

Working that helps make money is essentially a prime requirement to a marriage preposition in modern times where both partners want to and must have their financial freedom ,realise their own dreams and wishes ,in addition to other social factors .

It is generally seen that and rightfully too ,post marriage each partner values his or her own professional identify which must have been achieved after much hard work and scholarship .

Nowadays personal careers and the progression therein are becoming important for both the individuals and none would like to give it up and compromise the professional growth .

Take the case of this couple who had been in a very passionate relationship for number of years before getting married. They have been together in school and university and had carved out a career in the same field as well .

After a few years of their marriage the wife got the opportunity of going to US on an international assignment .However husband’s family and her spouse never wanted her to go alone abroad .

They wanted her to pass on the opportunity until her husband could find such an option for himself too .

Their disagreement resulted into a marital discord . They almost had decided to part ways till they approached this family therapist . The families eventually agreed that husband and wife can visit each other on and off during her assignment abroad .

But it may not be true for everyone .Working is generally good for mental and emotional well-being. It provides a sense of purpose, money , identity and a disciplined life style. But depending on where you work, what you do, and what resources and support systems you have, work can also undermine your mental ,emotional and physical health thus compromising the marital relationship.

Work factors that may compromise your marital health can be :

Stress :A real killer of mood and emotions ,can interrupt relationships and undermine self belief.
Many of serious chronic health issues e.g. insomnia , high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, and a number of other health issues are tied to .stress . A constant high-stress at the work place environment can still leave its mark on your state of mind and effect companionship.
Burnout : Burnout happens to a be silent creeper kind , is realised only when the body and the mind completely give up .Burnout many a times misdiagnosed as depression can be a real detrimental to a good relationship.
Status comparisons between the partners on account of positions ,sense of competitions if they happen to be in the same field ,recognition etc have been seen as cause of jealousy amongst partners .A doctor couple even after a long marriage ,(where both partners were eye specialists) had a very rough time till this family therapist made them realise their professional rivalry, being the cause of their regular marital discord .
Work environment insecurity: Although the work places nowadays have both men and women working there and a sense of bon homie prevails yet an insecure partner can feel threatened when not finding similar professional environment at his or her work place .An engineer working in a government organisation developed such an insecurity about his marital relationship because of his wife working amongst other male colleagues .

Working in different cities and a long distance marital relationship is also often threatened by fidelity insecurity . It is not necessary that infidelity takes place when living far away from a marriage house ; distressing doubts ,delusions or thoughts have often been seen amongst partners working together in the same city too .However partners do find a distance relationship offering greater difficulties .

What to do if your work is harming your marital Relationship?

Prioritise Self -care : Self-care is very important for our physical, mental, and emotional health. If both the partners aren’t taking care of yourself in simple ways, like getting enough sleep, eating healthfully, and exercising regularly, your work and the work at home may become more stressful. Learn how to practice self-care both at home and at work, such as eating the right kind of food containing adequate calories and proteins ,not skipping meals and medicine in addition to drinking enough water through the day.
Practice mind calming and stress management : By learning and practicing mind calming breathing and relaxing exercises you can manage your stress well .
Identify and set up boundaries : setting up boundaries at work both in terms of relationship ,personal life and time schedule can be little difficult but it will make your life much easier to live .This is necessary to set up boundaries of time schedule ,answering calls or attending to emails for those who work from home to ensure much needed time for personal life with family.
Establish two way communication street at home : it’s important to establish two ways communication both at work and home but more so at home with the family .Selective mutism and not talking gives an impression that you aren’t paying attention to what the partner ,the kids or the other members of family At the same time not allowing others to speak too can cause resentment.Hence establish emotional connects at home .
Seek professional help when needed : it always helps to talk with a professional family therapist ,to understand the issues involved,the conflicts causing situations both at home and work and seek good solutions .You can speak to us at http://www.familytherapyindia.com
Or http://www.mansikpramarsh.co
Of course we are always there to help .

Have you been very angry lately and find it difficult to control?

June 16, 2026June 17, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Veena a company general manager swerved her car swiftly from hitting the road divider on the highway on way back home from the office, as the driver of another car overtook without any warning or flashing the indicator. In a reflex action Veena lowered side window glass and threw expletives on the driver of the other car. She could see a lady driver in the other car too appearing to be in a hurry to reach home after the office . “It could have been the end of my life today”, thought Veena,who was in a hurry to reach home much before her husband would make it .

“Possibly the lady driving other car too has an enraged husband waiting at home . That’s why the lady appeared to be in a hurry or it is likely that she has a sick child waiting at home”, justified Veena to herself . She found the other car drivers behind her honking , who had been equally disturbed by her abrupt change of direction to the right of the road . She breathed a few more swearing as she eased her car on the road again. Such a scene has become quite common in almost all towns where people appear to be in a mad rush with the surge of anger seething under their breaths. Veena could cool anger by feeling empathy for lady driver of the other car. But how many of us can actually feel such an empathy for the one who has been the cause of our anger .

We seldom develop charitable opinion towards any one whom we feel has tried to hurt us or has been the cause of physical,emotional or mental harm to us.We would often first flare up and may be much later try to justify our anger towards the person. Veena could come out of angry stance much faster without causing any kind of damage to physical or emotional self as she had immediately associated the other person’s doing with more charitable view point. But for a minute let’s just think that Veena had responded instead with a rage and seething anger to the situation .In such an event she could have felt hypertension, anger, emotional hurt and a sense of insecurity of the road rage in her mind already occupied with many other issues of otherwise busy life at home and in her office. Veena’s open mindedness and her attitude of reflecting and then reacting actually saved her from many could have been negatives .

We have been talking of , “How to understand and handle depression” and also, “How to manage our emotions” .In order to do that we have to first learn that the word depression is not a situation of single event, it is in truth accumulation of many other events taking place in our psyche and physical self . The depression when analysed from such point of view reveals that, restlessness, irritation, anger, negative thinking, negative emotions, worry, melancholy ,feeling of isolation , lack of passion, absence of self worth and even absence of sympathy/empathy all put together become the manifestation of depression. Should we not then really focus on taking care of each of these components and rectify/control/ /or cure them individually /cumulatively to get rid of depression from our mind.

While talking of anger we realize that this particular mood is the most difficult one for all of us to manage and control.Even in anger the rage is the most damaging kind of reaction where the mind loses its power of reason and logic on account of its intransigence nature. The rage makes us most vulnerable to not only damage the perpetrator but also ourselves. Some of us might feel that if the perpetrator has damaged us then we must take it out on him and then we feel relieved . Well to each his own viewpoint but the fact remains that ,”anger is never without a reason but seldom a good one”.

But going back to Veena’s state of mind, her anger definitely arose from the sense of danger to her physical self and to that of her property(her car). But if she had not controlled herself , there would have been a chain reactions of her rage . Her foul mood would have persisted even after she had reached home would have found its victim in her children and her husband. Her emotional turmoil however soon died down as soon as she developed a more charitable and logical attitude towards the driver of other car.

The lesson learnt, “As far as possible whenever a situation for rage builds up pause for a second and logically analyse the situation. This itself will bring down the intensity of the anger and subsequent rising of the tempers”.

Let us analyse one more situation. Maharishi family has come out for a dinner with another family friend of theirs to a high class restaurant known for its elegant ambiance. As soon as the waiter had placed soup dishes on the table , Mrs Maharishi’s younger child insisted on serving the soup into her dish herself. The young baby could hardly handle the hot dish and she found herself spilling the soup all over on the table.

Mrs Maharishi burst out in anger and hit the baby hard on her back . The loud yelling of the baby startled a passing by waiter. The tray he was carrying had slipped out of his hands pouring the dish down on the customers sitting on the nearby table. Loud arguments followed in the restaurant . Eventually embarrassed Maharishi family walked out of the restaurant in a huff with their guest walking out without eating .

Many a times it would so happen that the anger comes to us in a sequence of various events and by the time we realize what has happened we end up losing control of the situation completely .This anger as we saw in the restaurant begins with one small event later on building up on the subsequent emotional reactions of angry outbursts.We just saw that anger had been building up on the earlier anger and the entire atmosphere had been converted into the inflamed oven of angry moods in the restaurant. The anger that had been just started with a small event got so intense after it found its subsequent hijacking devoid of any reason or logic .When we are engrossed into the angry atmosphere we just lose our sense of being and get carried away. This kind of anger had been built up not by the threat to the physical self but to the perceptive respectability, and disciplined family image of the Maharishi family . Mrs Maharishi felt insulted by the behavior of her child in the presence of her guests .She had hit the child rather than at that time she should have been taking control of the situation and calmed down the child.

Lesson learnt :Do Not immediately flare up and react instantly, more so when you have others around you.Take cognisance of the situation, Breathe awhile and let the anger subside within you, . You can always reflect later .Otherwise always remember that anger builds up on anger and sends an uncontrolled rush of emotional upheaval throughout the body damaging all reason and cognitive guidance of the mental faculty .

Let’s reflect on how to calm down in such situations .One way to handle anger is to allow a deviation of the mind like in Veena’s case where she had thought of empathy for the person causing the anger. Such deviation allows the mind cool down and develop a power of understanding within itself . Such power is very helpful in calming the mind always.

But in the other situation like that of Maharishi family the right way would have been to divert the attention of everyone from the scene but the intensity of the anger had been very high and hence the cognitive capabilities had been hijacked for everyone. Should we really allow that. Think how a little scolding can work better as compared to the only way of losing control of the situation and the mind completely.

Manoj and his wife had been having argument for over a week now over some trivial matter. His wife noticed that every time the argument had begun Manoj would simply slip out of the house and return much later after her temper had died down. She followed him in their next bout of angry expletives .Manoj had gone to the temple nearby and he sat amongst the bed of flowers in the green lawns of the temple. She sat next to him as he moved aside to offer her more space. All that was causing trouble in them had been forgotten .They both decided to come to the same place next time an argument would start among them.Manoj told her that he would always allow himself a cooling down period every time he lost his temper , by coming to the calm and serene garden. Such distraction really works wonders on the mind and makes it one with the atmosphere .

Lesson learnt : Move out to the place of your liking when you get angry. The place can be the garden nearby, a place of worship, a coffee shop, a favourite restaurant, a small drive around the corner .There you can reflect calmly on the atmosphere around rather than pursuing the train of anger from which you have just execused yourself .

Such actions appear very ridiculous in nature but they work very powerfully on our mind and bring down the rising temperatures in no time.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist , Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert .

Family Always Comes First

Unseen Depression in Couples Can Stall Counselling Progress

July 13, 2025August 22, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Note: The names in this article are fictional but the cases are real life situations .

When Deepti contacted me recently, she was naturally concerned about her husband, Sameer. She says for quite a period of time, she noticed a change in him, behaviourally. He frequently went off; easily got irritated and generally wasn’t the man she knew. She was convinced that he was suffering from depression but Sameer had unwillingly shied away from saying so, or seeking any form of help. After much persuasion, she finally brought him in for that counseling session. I also suggested that she accompany him to the counseling session. Couples counseling tends to reveal hidden dynamics.

After several sessions it became apparent that it wasn’t about Sameer’s depression but rather Deepti was struggling with it as well, though she hadn’t seemed to understand it at first. Both were denial-bound to their emotional health; each wrongly convinced that the other was the one needing help. That is what I have seen repeatedly in couples: it’s a lot easier to blame the partner than to see oneself in the mirror.

Denial and Deflection in Relationships
I think one of the most common dynamics I see with couples is this “It’s not me, it’s you” mindset in terms of problems around emotions. People just don’t like to admit that something is wrong with them—especially when the word depression comes into play. There is just such a stigma around mental health that admitting you might be depressed is close to admitting defeat, or weakness. So instead, couples tend to attribute all the issues to their partner.

Deepti’s case is quite apt in this context. “Sameer always says that the problems in our marriage occur because of me, and he goes out and tells people that if I am not depressed, then these problems will not exist. But honestly, I think it’s him who is depressed. He’s always the one complaining and on any occasion that does not go his way, I am the one he’s been lashing out at.”.

This is a really tough situation because while Sameer was so busy pointing out how she is supposedly depressed, Deepti was dealing with hers. Nobody could see how their emotional states were feeding off each other and becoming this cycle that affected them both. It’s pretty common, really – partners are so concentrated on the other person’s behavior that they overlook their own mental health.

Emotional Alienation and Its Cost
Let’s be honest: marriage and argument go hand in hand. It’s just normal for you and your mate to have differing opinions and even get into a squabble every now and then. The problem begins, though, if every disagreement escalates into a full-blown confrontation and neither partner seems to find a way over or around the other. More often than not, depression simply maximizes such situations-making some everyday issues appear more important and more infuriating than they really are.

It makes even a very minor conflict assault on the emotionally vulnerable individual. What may be minor clashes can emerge as major points of friction. Instead of directly confronting such issues, couples are prone to a cycle of internalization: they feel they do not understand each other and are left feeling isolated.

Here, the depression in Deepti and Sameer was deep running. It was not merely an individual problem but also very strongly associated with their relationship dynamics. Their blames, odd moods of Sameer, and his tendency to shift all the blame on his wife were also due to his problems. Deepti felt she was always on the defensive side; hence, she got further distanced. Kind of both of them wearing emotional blinders and couldn’t see into the problem that how your feelings were feeding into the problem.

Depression and Marital Conflict
Here’s the thing about depression in relationships: it doesn’t always surface the way we think it might. One person starts to feel their partner is being hostile or antagonistic, even when that’s not true. What was once a minor irritation suddenly becomes a big deal. When depression is part of the equation, everything feels heavier.

For Deepti and Sameer, what seemed like the most straightforward concern—sameer’s mental health dilemma in fact opened up a revelation that both were dealing with depression and how their relationship has become a breeding ground for it. I became irritable and appeared to shut down emotionally; this was the sign of a man who had given up, while Deepti began to get frustrated and feel isolated, adding to her list of signs which are pretty much those of emotional exhaustion.

But like most couples, they could not look beyond the surface. Sameer thought that everything would have been okay if Deepti hadn’t been so depressed. Deepti thought that everything would have been okay if Sameer hadn’t been so negative all the time. Neither realized that their mutual emotional state was what formed the crux of the problem.
The greatest stigma associated with the subject of depression in a marriage is that people often view it as happening to “other people” or something one has failed at. This is one reason couples are very quick to deny that it’s happening to them. Instead, they tend to point to the actions of their partner, hoping that if the other person changes, everything will get back to normal.

But that’s not exactly how it works. Mental health, especially in relationships, rarely is an individual issue. It goes down to how we relate with each other at its core. Usually, when one partner of the couple has the problem, the other will feel the after-effects as well, though they refuse to acknowledge them.

Seema and Jatin: A Layer of Complexity
I have worked with thousands of couples where depression is involved in their relations and each one is unique. For instance, I can take Seema and Jatin as an example whose names have been changed. Seema and Jatin were a young couple of doctors. They had just started to work and settle in their lives both at work and at home.

One day Seema threatened to commit suicide over something Jatin considered trivial-his giving attention to female colleagues. It came completely out nowhere for him. He hadn’t even considered his coworkers in that way and, no matter how much he tried to explain, Seema couldn’t shake her suspicions.

What started off as a one-time incident turned into a trend. Seema’s insecurities and emotional instability were beginning to give Jatin a lot of headache, where he started distancing himself from friends and family, not wanting to be bothered with the drama at home. What hit me more, though, is how Jatin described it all.

“Seema has been idealizing suicide since college. We have been with each other for seven years now, and she does throw tantrums, only with me. She’d break up with me for the smallest things, not even talk to me for days, and then everything would be back to normal. It is emotionally draining, but I never had anyone to talk to because she seems totally fine around other people.”

It was a tremendous emotional disconnect. Jatin felt drowning in the relationship and was paralyzed by Seema’s emotional outburst. He did not know how he could possibly help her, and neither did she know how to express her needs without scaring him away.

The Effect of Unmet Emotional Needs
In many relations, depression has arisen due to neglected emotional needs. When the unheard or under-loved one fears and gets negated, it sometimes spirals into feelings of inadequacy thus bolstering depression. Seema’s case is one such classic example. Her desire to be liked by Jatin was such that if she didn’t get it the way she had expected, her emotional system would take a toss.

Another side of the picture was that Jatin was trying to hold everything together but often felt held hostage by Seema’s demands and needs. The lack of emotional bonding fed both depressions, and neither could see an end in sight.

Depression in Relationships:
So, how do couples like Deepti and Sameer or Seema and Jatin break out of this cycle? It begins with an acknowledgment that depression is not an individual disease but is highly influenced by the dynamic of the relationship. Both must take a step back to see how the other’s emotional state is influencing theirs.

In most cases, individual therapy can address emotional conflict experienced by one person, but couples therapy is most important because it makes it easier for both of them to see how their relationship has contributed to the problem. Through common effort and understanding, couples can start to understand why they are emotionally disconnected which feeds depression and change that constructively in a better way.

Working with another person- The Power of Mutual Support
At the end, marriage is a partnership. Both should be concerned with each other’s emotional well-being. One cannot point fingers or expect to fix everything on his or her own. Mutual support works in lifting depression and strengthening the relationship.

It was only when Deepti and Sameer both understood that they were suffering from depression that they became constructive towards each other’s relationship by not blaming each other but finding ways to heal each other.

Together Seeking Help
If you or your spouse suffer from depression, treatment for both is in order. Depression is treatable, but it requires work from each partner. Couples therapy could be very helpful in helping each other get over their emotional letdown as a couple and lay new concrete foundations in the relationship.

Depression could be what no one expected to be possible, but two is stronger than one, and with their combined strength, couples will easily find their way back to each other. This is not about a question of the assignment of blame; it is a question of knowing one is in this together.
Marriage is a journey and, just like any other journey has its share of problems. Depression can strain even the best relationships, but it doesn’t have to define them. Acknowledge the role it plays in your dynamic and seek help. Together with your partner, navigate the emotional hurdles ahead of you. Remember-you’re a team, and together you can conquer anything.

How Do We Manage Anxiety in Children.

October 3, 2021October 3, 2021 Ramneek Kapoor

We often think that our children have better resilience to their anxiety and they become normal once we have either given them positive strokes,bought them a chocolate,a gift or diverted their attention by permitting them to play video games . But it needs to be understood that anxiety doesn’t happen to the kids like the way we experience it happening to us adults. Anxiety in children can trigger, in panic attacks,in their tantrums ,in their sudden rush of energy or it may occur in the untimely defiant behaviour.We as parents just push it aside by ascribing it to their misbehaving or being in the company of wrong friends .However children may react differently depending on the immediate situation ,past incidents or future anticipations.

As psychologists counselors and family therapists we have to deal with couples , parents and other family members of our clients who always appear to be suffering from anxiety, In most such cases their children too suffer from similar anxiety or otherwise children from families where there is a good coordination amongst parents struggle with anxiety too .

Some parents would pretend and hide their issues of anxiety and other concerns from their children . Even when kids are understanding the parents would try to act as if everything was fine .These parents would do everything they deem fit or within their reach to calm their wards and reset their nervous system through various practices of calming . Children can pick up anxiety from their parents through the verbal communication, through the body language of their parents,through their mood disorders or the kids themselves can react to any genreal event in the family and develop a full or partial panic attack.

We have seen many a parents fighting and undermining each other when they come to us. They fail to realise that when they behave so their children too suffer mental agony and a fear of being abandoned by either or both of their parents. Children feel abused when their parents fight .They feel cheated by their parents.Children want to live in a typical family life environment irrespective of the riches or poverty.Any thought of living without a parent causes them much mental pain and that triggers anxiety.To them, their family is their safety nest. Their family enables them to play, to study, to make friends .It helps them grow. It is the reason of their being here in the world. To them family is the only reality ,rest all is just make believe.Any iota of doubt on family’s continuity causes deep anxiety.

Parents should remember that their children would always pick up the stress and trauma that their parents experience and exhibit. The parents may think that their children are safe and that children have not been exposed to any kind of stress , physical,sexual, or emotional or personality abuse . They may believe that they are offering their children a great childhood compared to parents’ own childhood or other experiences that parents had to suffer. But actual truth is far from this .Children can become anxious for many reasons triggered by the parents obvious circumstances or not so obvious happenings within the family .Some of these reasons could be the actual and some could be as perceived by the children. To us adults many of those reasons might not be major , but to a child they become quite significant in triggering insecurities and anxiety thereof. Should the parents happen to be separated or divorced the self blaming mind of the children would always be devastated by the memories of the times when the family was together. They would not understand the sudden blow of isolation and the non availability of the parental umbrella .They struggle to be emotionally available to the single parent they now live with and at the same time add on a make believe relationship with the parent they have been separated from which they continue to believe was on their account.A two edged anxiety of this kind breaks them . It shreds the very fiber of their mental balance.

Children are often left heart broken if there happens to be a fight in their family.They tend to believe that all tension is on account of their being a cause of distress to their parents. Often they are left with a broken trust .They feel guilty with their self confidence devastated by the memories of parents shouting at each other.They are afraid of the sudden isolation caused by such disputes amongst their parents.

We always assume that our children are understanding. They adjust to the life as they grow . That they have stronger plasticity. This could be applicable in some way but it is not the complete truth .They are not as strongly fortified against anxiety as we tend to believe. Children do build up their defence mechanisms but these defence mechanisms may prove more damaging to their growing personality during adolescence and later on in their grown up relationships. We often come across young persons and old people alike who suffer from the traumas of their growing up years in anxiety .

We give hereunder some of the symptoms that we have witnessed in children while counseling the families .

1) Dissociation: Children have exhibited dissociation by completely cutting themselves off mentally from what is happening in their families.They form their own make believe world to hide the pain .Though parents may believe that the child is being creative ,when the child speaks to and play with imaginary characters .Riya 6 years is one such case .Her parents donot see each other eye to eye .Their constant bickering causes much anxiety to the child. The child is seen talking to her doll most of the times and refuses to part with the doll when she goes to school or goes to bed. Her parents eventually brought her to the counselor when her teacher noticed the child talking to the doll she had brought into her school bag to the classroom.

Monty’s (9 years) parents had been advised by the psychologist that their child suffers from ADHD because that’s the only way he can get their attention and evoke sympathy from them.His parents both working, hardly find time to spend with their child .Their occasional outbursts cause him such a deep distress . He exhibits his anxiety by getting irritated, by indulging into hyperactivity , impulsiveness and inattentive behavior.

Depression was diagnosed in Deepa ( 10 years ) as a mood disorder because the chronic emotional outbursts indulged in by her grandmother and mother in their interactions caused much disturbance to the child.

2)Gastrointestinal : Meenu’s (5 years ) anxiety has been cropping up in her difficult behavior to ease up herself. She holds up her anxiety in her abdominal area.Inspite of her feeling pressure on the stomach she would refuse to sit on the pot to clear her stomach. She suffers from constipation.Her bowel training has been conducted a few times .But whenever she needs to clean her bowels , she holds on to her stool and often soils her clothes.A better approach would be to ensure the child is offered a better protective environment at home free from tension and stress. We noticed she catches on to her parents’ anxiety and expresses her own in the manner described.

3) Obsessive seeking of Validation : Divya (11 years ) exhibits lack of self confidence.She most of the times struggles to express herself confidently. She would often speak in almost inaudible tone She needs to be reassured that others are paying attention to her and she must speak louder with confidence. She always needs validation from her mother.

Children themselves may not be aware of their anxiety but parents and the teachers need to read the symptoms and signs that speak of anxiety in the children.

If you can be aware that a life experience has created anxiety in their lives, you can bring attention to it and help them cope with that anxiety. You must take your child to a psychologist for evaluation and necessary counseling wherever needed .The psychologist may have to counsel the parents too.

Just being aware that your child can suffer from your chronic circumstances and catch on to anxiety should be taken as an initial step to prevention.Take them to a psychologist whenever or if they exhibit symptoms of anxiety. Whenever possible speak to them about their fears ,concerns and phobias whether implied or implicit .Children should be trained and encouraged by both parents to discuss ,open up and ask questions from parents should there be any stressful occassion in the family. This will help them to understand that there can be differences of opinions,arguments and even conflicts within the family but that you will always protect them and be with them to take care of them.

Family is Everything even for your children .Make them feel safe and protected.

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