family fights – FAMILY THERAPY INDIA

Everything you wanted to know about couple therapy..

June 16, 2026June 16, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Family therapist during meeting with a couple

In a country where approaching a psychiatrist/psychologist brings with it all kinds of taboos, fears and the unknown stigmas, reaching out to a family therapist by a couple simply can be a big uphill task. Most often the couple would prefer suffering in silence in their day to day disagreement and dispute rather than approach a professional family therapist. Approaching a therapist is often looked at as a step to lodging complaint against the partner. Couples shy off from reaching for the professional help because they do not want to disclose the problems they are having in their marriage to the family for one simple reason,”What would the people say “.

Let’s understand when do you need to approach a therapist and what process would couple therapy involve.

When you feel your communication with the spouse ends up into irritation and leads to the stomping of feet and rushing out of even a normal discussion quite regularly, the time to reflect is now.

When you feel your love has vanished and your acceptance of each other has been going down day by day, you need to be in touch with a family counselor.

When you carry strong resentment towards your partner on any account ,you should know,it is time to explore a session with a good family therapist.

When you feel you or your spouse has been losing interest in all kinds of spousal activities ,it is time to get a professional help to explore, understand, reflect and reconcile the challenges to your marriage .

Professional help can be available from an approved professionally qualified family therapist and not the usual agony aunts writing columns or providing readymade prescription to all problems.A good qualified professional family therapist necessarily should hold recognised postgraduate qualifications in family therapy in addition to a post graduate degree in psychology. The therapist should have a good standing in dealing with family therapy and counseling.

When you decide to eventually consult such a therapist you can be assured of total privacy and confidentiality of any discussion with the therapist.The professional code of privacy and confidentiality is absolutely sacrosanct for every therapist ,belying the fears “,What will people say”.

Let us now understand ,what would the therapy involve.

Usually the first session begins with the introductory process wherein the therapist is keen to understand as to what kind of issues,problems and disputes have been occurring in your family life and /or marriage.

The session involves knowing about your family history, the systems and the units of inner family circles within the family ,the communication system in your family and the power systems of the family.

The therapist is keen to understand the reasons for your contacting him/her i.e. the problems you are facing as a couple.How long has the problem been occurring and whether you have been consulting any other counselor earlier,if so what has been the impact of such counseling.

The therapist in this session evaluates the relationship the couple shares only on peripheral level as the depth of understanding and the misunderstanding would be assessed only in subsequent sessions and that too with a complete unbiased mind .It is not the task of the therapist to judge you,nor does the therapist acts as a complaint centre. The major task of the therapist is to understand the underlying emotional upheaval prevailing within the relationship of couple ,or amongst all other members of the family .

Though the families of the spouses or / and the spouses obviously look towards the family therapist as the complaint lodging centre ,but that definitely is an absolute misunderstanding of the process of family counseling .The therapist lends an unbiased ear and attention to every dispute,difference of opinion and misplaced emotions. The therapist is not a judge but a facilitator for bringing about better understanding of the misplaced emotions and feelings amongst the family members . It generally happens that the therapist is looked at as the mediator of the disputes by the family members,but mediation definitely has never been the scope of any family or couple counseling.

The therapist would also try to learn from you ,your career graph if working or in own business,the money position,the spending habits,financial interests if any and of course about the extended family members’ financial interests if any in connection with your finances.

Then again sometimes either of the spouses who has contacted the therapist,expects by default that the therapist would align with her or him ,but a true professional therapist approaches the counseling without any kind of preset mindset.The main task of the family therapist is to understand the tensions ,stresses and hindrances prevailing within the marital /family relationships and evolve better perception of the problems prevailing between the marital partners and other family members.

The couple issues could relate to any of the following:

Relationship of either spouse with in laws and other family members.
Household responsibility and commitments of members in honouring their responsibility.

Daily chores and spousal attitude towards sharing the chores.

Relationship of the spouses within and outside marital boundaries .

Marital compatibility of thoughts and emotions.
Sexual adjustments and acceptance.
Sexual orientation and attitudes towards partners.

Parenting plans ,children and parenting issues.

Communication pattern between the couple and the problems being faced in the communication.

Setting up priorities for the marriage and providing needed priority,time and space to each other in the marriage.

Modern couples also look for personal space in marriage as otherwise the relationship often gets suffocated with too much closeness .

Having understood all that has been delineated above, the therapist has to understand personalities of both the spouses ,the acceptance level or non acceptance levels of each others habits ,attitudes,opinions and daily functioning.

In fact a good therapist will help the couple evolve a new outlook and perception of their respective relationship provided ,the partners have the patience to continue with the sessions conducted over a long period of time varying from three to six months .the session may be conducted once or twice a week depending on the convenience and availability of both the spouses.

Though initially every session appears to be an exercise in raising grievances by the couple against each the other . The therapist’s intervention helps the partners read positive and negative cues of each others emotions in the right perspective and the couple soon moves from the warring zone to the negotiation levels. The negotiation is often done by the aggrieved partner to secure future as assurances and promises .The understanding levels though still remain far fetched and many more sessions will be needed to gradually establish a trusting common bond ,wherein an acceptance of each other is re-established amongst the family.

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Have you been very angry lately and find it difficult to control?

June 16, 2026June 17, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Veena a company general manager swerved her car swiftly from hitting the road divider on the highway on way back home from the office, as the driver of another car overtook without any warning or flashing the indicator. In a reflex action Veena lowered side window glass and threw expletives on the driver of the other car. She could see a lady driver in the other car too appearing to be in a hurry to reach home after the office . “It could have been the end of my life today”, thought Veena,who was in a hurry to reach home much before her husband would make it .

“Possibly the lady driving other car too has an enraged husband waiting at home . That’s why the lady appeared to be in a hurry or it is likely that she has a sick child waiting at home”, justified Veena to herself . She found the other car drivers behind her honking , who had been equally disturbed by her abrupt change of direction to the right of the road . She breathed a few more swearing as she eased her car on the road again. Such a scene has become quite common in almost all towns where people appear to be in a mad rush with the surge of anger seething under their breaths. Veena could cool anger by feeling empathy for lady driver of the other car. But how many of us can actually feel such an empathy for the one who has been the cause of our anger .

We seldom develop charitable opinion towards any one whom we feel has tried to hurt us or has been the cause of physical,emotional or mental harm to us.We would often first flare up and may be much later try to justify our anger towards the person. Veena could come out of angry stance much faster without causing any kind of damage to physical or emotional self as she had immediately associated the other person’s doing with more charitable view point. But for a minute let’s just think that Veena had responded instead with a rage and seething anger to the situation .In such an event she could have felt hypertension, anger, emotional hurt and a sense of insecurity of the road rage in her mind already occupied with many other issues of otherwise busy life at home and in her office. Veena’s open mindedness and her attitude of reflecting and then reacting actually saved her from many could have been negatives .

We have been talking of , “How to understand and handle depression” and also, “How to manage our emotions” .In order to do that we have to first learn that the word depression is not a situation of single event, it is in truth accumulation of many other events taking place in our psyche and physical self . The depression when analysed from such point of view reveals that, restlessness, irritation, anger, negative thinking, negative emotions, worry, melancholy ,feeling of isolation , lack of passion, absence of self worth and even absence of sympathy/empathy all put together become the manifestation of depression. Should we not then really focus on taking care of each of these components and rectify/control/ /or cure them individually /cumulatively to get rid of depression from our mind.

While talking of anger we realize that this particular mood is the most difficult one for all of us to manage and control.Even in anger the rage is the most damaging kind of reaction where the mind loses its power of reason and logic on account of its intransigence nature. The rage makes us most vulnerable to not only damage the perpetrator but also ourselves. Some of us might feel that if the perpetrator has damaged us then we must take it out on him and then we feel relieved . Well to each his own viewpoint but the fact remains that ,”anger is never without a reason but seldom a good one”.

But going back to Veena’s state of mind, her anger definitely arose from the sense of danger to her physical self and to that of her property(her car). But if she had not controlled herself , there would have been a chain reactions of her rage . Her foul mood would have persisted even after she had reached home would have found its victim in her children and her husband. Her emotional turmoil however soon died down as soon as she developed a more charitable and logical attitude towards the driver of other car.

The lesson learnt, “As far as possible whenever a situation for rage builds up pause for a second and logically analyse the situation. This itself will bring down the intensity of the anger and subsequent rising of the tempers”.

Let us analyse one more situation. Maharishi family has come out for a dinner with another family friend of theirs to a high class restaurant known for its elegant ambiance. As soon as the waiter had placed soup dishes on the table , Mrs Maharishi’s younger child insisted on serving the soup into her dish herself. The young baby could hardly handle the hot dish and she found herself spilling the soup all over on the table.

Mrs Maharishi burst out in anger and hit the baby hard on her back . The loud yelling of the baby startled a passing by waiter. The tray he was carrying had slipped out of his hands pouring the dish down on the customers sitting on the nearby table. Loud arguments followed in the restaurant . Eventually embarrassed Maharishi family walked out of the restaurant in a huff with their guest walking out without eating .

Many a times it would so happen that the anger comes to us in a sequence of various events and by the time we realize what has happened we end up losing control of the situation completely .This anger as we saw in the restaurant begins with one small event later on building up on the subsequent emotional reactions of angry outbursts.We just saw that anger had been building up on the earlier anger and the entire atmosphere had been converted into the inflamed oven of angry moods in the restaurant. The anger that had been just started with a small event got so intense after it found its subsequent hijacking devoid of any reason or logic .When we are engrossed into the angry atmosphere we just lose our sense of being and get carried away. This kind of anger had been built up not by the threat to the physical self but to the perceptive respectability, and disciplined family image of the Maharishi family . Mrs Maharishi felt insulted by the behavior of her child in the presence of her guests .She had hit the child rather than at that time she should have been taking control of the situation and calmed down the child.

Lesson learnt :Do Not immediately flare up and react instantly, more so when you have others around you.Take cognisance of the situation, Breathe awhile and let the anger subside within you, . You can always reflect later .Otherwise always remember that anger builds up on anger and sends an uncontrolled rush of emotional upheaval throughout the body damaging all reason and cognitive guidance of the mental faculty .

Let’s reflect on how to calm down in such situations .One way to handle anger is to allow a deviation of the mind like in Veena’s case where she had thought of empathy for the person causing the anger. Such deviation allows the mind cool down and develop a power of understanding within itself . Such power is very helpful in calming the mind always.

But in the other situation like that of Maharishi family the right way would have been to divert the attention of everyone from the scene but the intensity of the anger had been very high and hence the cognitive capabilities had been hijacked for everyone. Should we really allow that. Think how a little scolding can work better as compared to the only way of losing control of the situation and the mind completely.

Manoj and his wife had been having argument for over a week now over some trivial matter. His wife noticed that every time the argument had begun Manoj would simply slip out of the house and return much later after her temper had died down. She followed him in their next bout of angry expletives .Manoj had gone to the temple nearby and he sat amongst the bed of flowers in the green lawns of the temple. She sat next to him as he moved aside to offer her more space. All that was causing trouble in them had been forgotten .They both decided to come to the same place next time an argument would start among them.Manoj told her that he would always allow himself a cooling down period every time he lost his temper , by coming to the calm and serene garden. Such distraction really works wonders on the mind and makes it one with the atmosphere .

Lesson learnt : Move out to the place of your liking when you get angry. The place can be the garden nearby, a place of worship, a coffee shop, a favourite restaurant, a small drive around the corner .There you can reflect calmly on the atmosphere around rather than pursuing the train of anger from which you have just execused yourself .

Such actions appear very ridiculous in nature but they work very powerfully on our mind and bring down the rising temperatures in no time.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist , Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert .

Family Always Comes First

Healing Dysfunctional Family Relationships

June 8, 2026June 8, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Families are often envisioned as the cornerstone of love, support, and growth. However, the reality is far more nuanced, with many families grappling with the complexities of dysfunction, unresolved conflicts, and intergenerational trauma. In this blog post, we will deep-dive into the profound impacts of dysfunctional family dynamics, exploring real-life examples and therapeutic insights to understand the journey towards healing and restoring familial harmony.

The Ripple Effects of Dysfunction:

Meet Kritika and Vijay (names changed), whose experiences epitomize the enduring repercussions of dysfunctional family environments. Their stories resonate deeply with countless individuals who have experienced familial dysfunction. Kritika and Vijay, having weathered tumultuous family dynamics in their formative years, continue to grapple with the emotional scars, even a decade into their marriage. Their unresolved traumas have cast a long shadow over their parenting journey, as their children inherit the legacy of unresolved conflict and emotional turmoil.

Dr. Kritika, a pseudonym for a real individual, provides a poignant example of the intergenerational transmission of dysfunction. Raised amidst the daily tumult of her parents’ disputes, she and her siblings bore witness to a triangular drama that played out with agonizing regularity. Lines were drawn, allegiances shifted, and familial bonds strained under the weight of unresolved grievances .

The ripple effects of dysfunctional family dynamics extend far beyond the immediate participants, permeating the lives of subsequent generations. Individuals like Sejal, Sonia, Kamolika, Anand, and Sumit, though fictional in name, embody the collective struggles of those who have endured traumatic family events. From PTSD and anxiety to deep-seated mistrust and unresolved phobias, the psychological toll of dysfunctional family dynamics reverberates through every facet of their lives. Moreover, their own children and spouses find themselves unwitting participants in a cycle of dysfunction, perpetuating the cycle unless intervention occurs.

Understanding Triangulation:

Central to our understanding of dysfunctional family dynamics is the concept of triangulation. What begins as innocuous interactions can quickly devolve into accusations, misunderstandings, and unresolved emotions, with family members unwittingly assuming roles as perpetrators, victims, or mediators. Left unchecked, these patterns of dysfunction can become entrenched, eroding familial bonds and hindering individual growth.

Yet, amidst the turmoil, there is hope. Through innovative therapeutic approaches, families can take on healing and reconciliation, managing past trauma to embrace a future defined by mutual understanding and support.

The Path to Healing:

At our organization, we offer a framework for addressing the underlying issues that contribute to familial dysfunction, empowering you to break free from the shackles of intergenerational trauma. Central to this process is the cultivation of empathy and understanding, both within the family unit and in the broader community.

By creating a safe space for open dialogue and honest communication, we begin the healing process, allowing individuals to confront their past traumas and head towards a brighter future. Through individual and group therapy sessions, families learn to navigate conflict constructively.

For individuals like Kritika and Vijay, the journey towards healing is challenging, but ultimately important. By confronting their past traumas and embracing a future defined by mutual respect and understanding, they lay the foundation for a closer bond.

Conclusion

Through therapeutic support, families heal and reconcile, overcoming past trauma for mutual understanding. Together, we can break the cycle of dysfunction.

Unseen Depression in Couples Can Stall Counselling Progress

July 13, 2025July 13, 2025 Ramneek Kapoor

Note: The names in this article are fictional, but the cases are real‑life situations.

When Deepti contacted me recently, she was worried about her husband, Sameer. For quite some time she had noticed changes in his behaviour. He was often irritable and generally not the man she knew. She believed he was depressed, but Sameer avoided admitting it or seeking help. After much persuasion she finally brought him in for a counselling session, and I suggested she sit in as well. Couples counselling often reveals hidden dynamics.

After several sessions it became clear the issue was not only Sameer’s depression; Deepti was struggling too, although she hadn’t realised it. Both were in denial about their emotional health, each convinced the other was the one who needed help. I see this often: it’s easier to blame a partner than look in the mirror.

Denial and deflection in relationships

A common pattern is the “It’s not me, it’s you” mindset around emotions. People dislike admitting something is wrong—especially when the word depression appears. The stigma makes admitting depression feel like defeat, so partners shift all blame to each other.

Deepti’s words show this clearly:

“Sameer says our problems exist because of me, and he tells people if I weren’t depressed we’d be fine. But honestly, I think he’s the one who’s depressed. He’s always complaining, and whenever things don’t go his way, he lashes out at me.”

While Sameer focused on Deepti’s supposed depression, she was battling her own. Neither saw how their emotional states fed off each other. It’s common: partners fixate on the other’s behaviour and ignore their own mental health.

Emotional alienation and its cost

Marriage and argument go hand in hand. Differences of opinion are normal. Trouble starts when every disagreement turns into a full‑blown fight and no one can build a bridge. Depression magnifies conflicts, making everyday issues seem larger and more upsetting than they are. Minor clashes feel like assaults on someone already vulnerable, and couples retreat into isolation.

For Deepti and Sameer, depression ran deep. Sameer’s mood swings and blame‑shifting grew from his own struggles. Deepti felt constantly on the defensive and withdrew. Both wore emotional blinders; neither saw how their feelings fed the problem.

Depression and marital conflict

Depression in relationships doesn’t always appear as expected. One partner may feel the other is hostile when that isn’t true. A small irritation suddenly becomes a crisis. With depression involved, everything feels heavier.

What looked like a simple concern—Sameer’s mental‑health dilemma—revealed that both partners were depressed and that their relationship nurtured it. He became irritable and emotionally shut down, while Deepti felt frustrated and isolated—classic signs of emotional exhaustion.

Sameer believed everything would improve if Deepti weren’t depressed; Deepti believed the same about Sameer’s negativity. Neither realised their shared emotional state lay at the heart of the problem.

Many see depression as something that happens to “other people” or as a personal failure, so couples deny it and point to each other’s actions. Yet mental health in relationships is rarely individual; it’s rooted in how partners relate. If one struggles, the other feels the effects—even if they deny it.

Seema and Jatin: a layer of complexity

Every couple’s story is unique. Seema and Jatin (names changed) were young doctors starting their careers and life together.

One day Seema threatened suicide because Jatin chatted with female colleagues. It stunned him. He hadn’t thought of them romantically, and no amount of explanation eased Seema’s suspicions.

That single incident became a pattern. Seema’s insecurity and emotional instability drained Jatin. He pulled back from friends and family to avoid the drama at home. He told me:

“Seema has idealised suicide since college. We’ve been together seven years, and she throws tantrums only with me. She’ll break up over the smallest things, stay silent for days, then act normal. It’s exhausting, and I have no one to talk to—she seems fine around others.”

The emotional disconnect was huge. Jatin felt he was drowning; Seema didn’t know how to express her needs without terrifying him.

The effect of unmet emotional needs

Depression often grows from unmet emotional needs. Feeling unheard or unloved can spiral into inadequacy and depression. Seema needed Jatin’s attention so intensely that when she didn’t receive it as expected, her balance collapsed.

Jatin tried to hold everything together yet felt hostage to Seema’s demands. Their lack of emotional bonding fed both depressions, and neither saw a way out.

Breaking the cycle

How can couples like Deepti and Sameer or Seema and Jatin break free? They must acknowledge that depression isn’t just an individual illness; it’s shaped by the relationship dynamic. Each partner needs to see how the other’s emotional state affects their own.

Individual therapy helps one person’s conflicts, but couples therapy is vital because it shows how the relationship contributes to the problem. With shared effort, partners can address the emotional disconnect that fuels depression and change it constructively.

The power of mutual support

Marriage is a partnership. Each partner must care about the other’s emotional well‑being; no one can fix everything alone. Mutual support lifts depression and strengthens the bond. Deepti and Sameer improved only when they both accepted their depression and searched for ways to heal together.

Seeking help together

If you or your spouse is depressed, both of you need treatment. Depression is treatable, but it requires effort from each partner. Couples therapy can help you overcome emotional hurdles and rebuild your relationship.

Two are stronger than one. United, couples can find their way back. This isn’t about blame; it’s about knowing you’re in it together. Marriage is a journey, and depression can strain even strong relationships, but it doesn’t have to define them. Acknowledge its role, seek help, and face the road ahead as a team.

We offer family, relationship, and marriage counselling for families, men, women, and couples—whether you have children, are newly married, are considering separation, are divorcing, or are facing any relationship difficulty. We help partners understand each other’s mental and emotional states, improve communication, and overcome obstacles blocking their happiness.

Get in touch with us today or write to us at mansikpramarsh@gmail.com.

The Woes of a Dysfunctional Family -We Help You Resolve Them

July 3, 2023July 22, 2023 Ramneek Kapoor

Members of families in their ignorance or sometimes deliberately hurt each other to cause an unending mental emotional pain. Although a good family is meant to help individual members develop themselves to their full potential but chains of miscommunications, uncalled for egos, familial fights, discords and long-drawn-out misunderstandings result into a dysfunctional family hampering not only relationships but also a complete non achievement of personal career goals by individuals.

Kritika and Vijay (names changed) have been victims of two such grossly dysfunctional families themselves in their young age prior to their marriage and have till date (even after a decade of their having been married) not been able to overcome traumas of their young days in their parental homes. Resultantly now their children suffer from traumas of dis -functioning of their own families.

Little girl doesn’t want to hear arguing of parents

Dr Kritika (name changed) and her two siblings have been witnessing painful fights of their parents all through their life where a triangular drama would take place every day and night with sibling shifting allegiances and taking sides sometimes with their father, another time with mother or being at war with each other. These fights still continue even though all siblings have chosen their own paths in life, they continue abhorring each other. Kritika’ s all efforts to bring her parents and siblings together again is not being accepted by others of family resultantly their deadlock remains.

Such painful family events and interactions leave intense hurts, personality issues, traumas and social adjustment issues all through life. Sejal, Sonia, Kamolika, Anand, Sumit (fictitious names ) and many others such people have been suffering PTSD, Anxieties ,Mistrusts ,phobias ,adjustment issues after they lived through such most painful family dramas and now they suffer alongside their children and spouses too because of the torments of the past .

The indelible scars of family fights destabilise the psyches of family members, have impacted their relationships, job performance and emotional stability all through the life. We have been helping many of such families deal with such dis functioning, Traumatic experiences childhood scars, depression anxiety and stresses to enable them understand what emotions prevailed when the dis functioning occurred, and how these family members could not deal with their as well as their parents’ partners, children and their siblings’ similar experiences —in which their entire family had suffered and many of them still suffer.

Understanding Triangulation of the dis functioning.

The functioning of any family gets disturbed when the normal day to day interaction with each other turns into accusations of not fulfilling expectations. Or when communication is not understood in the right perceptive or when the words used for emotions do not convey the spirit behind but the use of those words and dialogues or when patience is short lived and angers flare up.

In any such situation, the battle field turns into the members un knowingly playing the roles of perpetrators, victims or the negotiators who often act as mediators or pacifiers. But sometimes they also end up taking sides with either one. We believe every household or a family can get into such a situation one time or the other. However, if such a situation continues or comes up recurrently is the cause for alarm. Because if not resolved at the appropriate time it can turn onto a chronic dis functioning of the family.

A new understanding and perception of dealing with those situations have helped these families deal with and each individual member transformed into a stable, loving, mature, and dependable person, attaining their best personal success after they have come over to Family Therapy India.

If your family is one such family suffering from misfunctioning and traumas of the past . It is time now to help your family overcome such disputes, ego bruises, mistrusts and angers of the past. Take control of your life and feelings, and help others understand the need for curing their feelings. Know that we can help you bring about a positive change in your filial relationships. With commitment and time and our expert counseling sessions of family therapy, healing begins steadily and gradually until the family adopts the new normal relationships.