Energising your Relationships

img-20190313-wa0000-444810066.jpgI love to go to a garden nearby to look at the plants growing and to savor their fragrant breeze full of oxygen and greens. And let me tell you I do love to speak to the plants in the morning as they open up their lovely flowers to the rising Sun and rebuild their energy which they gather from the sunlight .At home we do not have a lawn where we could grow these plants (we live in an apartment) . But on the top of the building where we have managed to rent a terrace we do have a few pots with plants. These plants have very tenderly been reared by my daughter with great care and love. I have seen the fresh flowers of white, red and yellow colors bloom to the plants virtually growing from little buds to the full blown beautiful flowers. Whenever I go the terrace I water them, talk to them and make sure they feel loved and taken care of by me and feel happy about this. I feel my conversing with my plants exactly is the reason these plants have grown from tiny saplings to the full grown plants adorning their smile into these flowers.
Similar to these little saplings and plants all kinds of relationships need constant communication, love, tender care, nurturing and sunshine of trust and admiration. If any of the same is missing our relationships tend to get withered away just as all those seedlings died which had not been attended to by me.
We would often take our relationships for granted once we have formed them. We allow the novelty and the freshness of each other’s company wear of, thinking, “now that we have each other where the hell can the person go”. It is easy to do that as you get busy with the daily grinds of life. But like the delicate plants that were given extra care by me to grow, each relationship too needs to be handled with full involvement and care.
In a relationship or in a friendship, we need to regularly spread the showers of mutual understanding, of admiration the nurture and love. Not all relationships may require you to go out of your way to attend to them. A periodic touch of getting to know about each person as to how he or she is living life ensures we do not feel cut off and likewise the other person too feels in touch. In the current age of internet and social media though people are always available online, yet the lack of personal touch and physical presence of good listeners is felt by one and all. People living under the same roof and sleeping in the common bedroom become strangers as they remain occupied in their own virtual world of WhatsApp.Facebook,instagram,twitter and other online social media apps.
I have many a times met such husbands and wives who do not have either time or an empathetic ear for each other to give at least a hearing to the partners when they need to talk. Being there with an empathetic attitude and listening with patience to the other’s point of view can go a long way in solving many compatibility issues the couples face in their marital life.
I am currently meeting and counseling quite a few numbers of families, where all family members have agreed to spend at least two evenings in a week on working days and every alternate weekend in a month together on family outing or family dinner and they have shown wonderful results in their understanding of each other. The faces of the family members more especially the younger members beam smiles as big as the rose in the picture above after they find their parents spending a quality time with them in such a positive manner.

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Just as we need to take care of the plants, saplings and flowers an protect them from all kinds of weeds, strong winds, too much of sunshine, the same way we need to tend to the relationship by giving our empathetic, loving , and understanding physical presence and listening ears  to all family members.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.

family therapyFamily will survive all storms with a little patience and perseverance
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Do you worry a lot ?Who me? No not me……….

mother seeing child offMrs Sharma sounded  worried when  she handed over the school bag of her daughter to bus attendant, “Please tell the driver not to drive too fast. He fetches  small children, They can fall off their seats “. The bus attendant just nodded her head in affirmation. Not satisfied with just a nod, Mrs Sharma moved to the front of the bus .”Please drive slow and take care of our children” she had told the driver. The driver  too nodded his head. Mrs Sharma waited for the bus to move. She kick started her scooter . She paused for a moment and then turned her scooter towards the direction in which the bus had been going. She followed the bus at a safe distance and eventually having seen the bus safely getting into the school gate, she turned back . Such melodrama has been going on with Mrs Sharma for over a month now.

The matter  came to the notice of the family one day when Mr Sharma had gone to the bus stop to see his daughter off to school. The attendant  told him, “please tell Mrs Sharma not to follow the bus till the school gate.We are equally concerned of the safety of the school kids we fetch to the school .The school driver is a very experienced man and he drives very carefully.He has a very clean service record” .

six years oldJulie is only six years old .She studies in the neighborhood kindergarten school. She had been fine all this while and used to be very eager to go to school every morning .Last week  suddenly out of the blue she complained of stomach ache and refused to go to school. Her mother had taken her to the pediatrician who found nothing wrong with the child . The child had been  referred to the school counselor. A few sessions with the parents, the child and the class teacher  revealed, the  child has been always worried about her mother being alone at home  and this worry always prevailed upon her mind.

Just as the mind of the young child Julie created the drama of her mother being  unsafe at home, the same way worry can play havoc with the mind of the adults too. Worrying excessively can bring into mind series of fears , apprehensions, dark imaginations of the concerns about the safety  of  person and his or her near and dear one’s .

Worry is fine so long as we just reflect constructively and think about the situation or the problem to find out our next course of the action. But when the worry becomes constant fear and apprehension, it turns into  the chronic emotional disturbance  , with the mind being hijacked all the times into apprehended dangers which in reality may never occur. The hijacking of the mind brings with it the chronic anxiety, phobic  thoughts and the loss of reason .The person so affected exhibits obsessive compulsions, generalized anxiety into every situation, panics over trivial matters , fears of  getting cheated, robbed, being abandoned by the near and dear ones and of dying .Some of the affected even begin worrying about the worry that they carry in their mind.

worried womanMrs Narwhal   was so much worried of getting affected  by the germs  or carrying the germs  back home  that she would hang an  extra set of clothes in  her  toilet in advance , which  she wanted   to wear  the moment she would get back home from her trip outside. Every time she had come back to her  house, she would first  get into the bath to wash  her clothes, bathe herself  in order to cleanse herself of all the  germs that she thought she might have brought with her from outside. She would feel completely relieved once having done this ritual .But it is obvious, such a ritual can be  a great pain to other members of her family  as the rule of changing into the fresh clothes after returning from outside and of washing the  clothes that had been worn for going outside immediately on return from outside  played havoc with the peace of the family . Any kind of advise to Mrs Narwhal to stop worrying created further problems as she would  avoid such person who would advise her to not to worry .

Such worries form a part of the depression syndrome  . They bring about with them ,   breathlessness, the faster  heart beats,sweaty perspiration,  choking , suppression of the mind, the feeling of the distress, ,and the  lack of focus , attention and sleep .Such chronic worry  needs to be treated with psychotherapy,  Cognitive therapy , holistic therapy and  even by way of the perceptive meditation to bring about a complete change in the thinking and perceptions of the affected individual.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.

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Perceptive Meditation Therapy-the path to complete health and stress free life

Scientific Perceptive Meditation is the most powerful way of gaining spiritual control over one’s body and mind. It is the ideal meditation for gaining positivism in life and obtaining freedom from never-ending, troublesome thoughts and worries, calming the disturbed mind.It is the divine way to attaining inner peace of mind and world happiness.
Mansik Pramarsh, Indore welcome you to attend scientific spiritual stress free Perceptive meditation program – an intensive three-weeks schedule to learn the secrets of Perceptive Meditation.
1. Learn the scientific spiritual Perceptive Meditation techniques that you can practice life-long
2. Identify and realize the Shakti (Psychic Centres) within yourself
3. Adopt an ethical life-style for a healthy mindset, positive thinking, worldly successful and peaceful living
4.Enjoy life more intensely and passionately
5. Get free from all kinds of fears, phobias and stress, anxieties and depression
7. Control manage and get free from all kinds of mental and physical pain
8. Live life full of eagerness, meaning, enjoyment, gaiety fun and playfulness.
take a decision today and get rid of :
• Depression
• Feeling of insecurity
• Forgetfulness
• Irritability
• Problem concentrating
• Restlessness
• Sadness
• Fatigue
Managing stress is all about taking charge: of your thoughts, emotions, schedule, and the way you deal with problems.
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or mail us @ www.mansikpramarsh.com
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Are you a happy couple or an unhappy one but you are in love.Pick up some Tips for Building a life lasting Relationship

photo-1523975989600-f61068b1a4b3Ankur and Meeta have been married for  a number  of years now . They seem to have been having serious thoughts on their relationship already. The couple have been  staying with and without each other quite frequently in all these four years . One small tiff and the bags get packed . Meeta gets back to her mother’s house, or if she does not go out then it’s Ankur who would shift to the separate bedroom at the first floor of the house.  The accusations and blames keep them apart for a few months, till one of them apologizes.They come together and the honeymoon begins again .  Ankur’s mother has by now adjusted to their frequent bouts, as it has become a routine affair. Meeta wants Ankur should be dynamic in today’s competitive world and drop his laid back attitude .She would like him to move fast in his career ,and match the dynamism,she feels she is equipped with.For Ankur,the priorities are his family,his ailing mother who needs him and hence he feels satisfied with his progress.

couplesSomewhat similar  story has been going on between Bhuvan and Anita .Their 16 years of marriage has come to a stand still with both virtually accusing each other of neglect and  oppression .Anita blames Bhuvan of having neglected her  for  all their   marriage period. She feels she could have done better if she had adopted a career so that she could get away from the demands of married life. Bhuvan on the other hand feels oppressed, saying, ” She has been a very demanding wife and does not allow me to breathe freely .I need space of my own now”. he continues, ” from the day we began dating each other she has been like this always”.

But does it happen only after marriage. Not necessarily . Ashy and Neelu end up quarreling  on every date even though they would be making up soon. The new  issue would come at the next date .  For them ,it is wonderful feeling to be in love and date each other. The couple meets for awhile and then pine for each other till they meet at the next date.

images (6)While dating prior to the commitment made to each other for a long term relationship, everything is seen by the lovers  from behind the rosy shades of love and affection for each other. The emotions of possessiveness and yearning do not   allow the lovers to think of and bring in the mundane communication of a daily grinds of life.

It is definitely fine for short term love / date experiments .But being in a long-term relationship isn’t merely pining for the lover’s physical proximity and  intimacy alone. Being in long term relationships will involve managing and taking care of many other lives in addition to the lives of the lovers. And it is not an easy task.  Both people need to accommodate themselves to new family atmosphere and new relationships in their lives ( which come into their lives as an inheritance of marrying each other)  . May be a few years later  they will have to raise their own children  to make their family a complete unit.

The lovers need to  then communicate over many other issues in addition to the romance and love in marriage. The issues that gain priority over love may pertain to jobs and careers, money and household expense, household work and taking care of the babies, social, cultural and religious affairs, parenting and in many cases taking care of the aged and old in the families.

coupleAs a couple begins their journey into the long-term relationship of wedded bliss, their love for each other many a times may take a back seat and the love gets reduced to a few stolen kisses and quickies here and there. The couple forgets about nurturing and keeping the flame of love and desire for each other alive. Soon the infatuation of physical hunger wears off and then the focus shifts from the affection to the problems.

photo-1526736054478-78a346854f1bThe stark realities of need for more money, career priorities and of culture, of religion, and of family may cause concerns and small squabbles. Before these squabbles get blown into major issues and a beautiful relationship begins to disintegrate. The couple needs to understand that every relationship is important in life and more so with the one with whom you have to spend your life time.

Needless to say, that every difference and misunderstanding should be treated as worth working for and saving, once the infatuation begins to fade.

photo-1484660073876-32a014c54b24Communication in person and not on the social media , is the only tool and doorway to establish a better understanding. The couple, need to take  up all those problems that are causing strangled relationship .It is always good to keep the bedroom stories confined to  four walls of the personal  bedrooms .But should the couple  feel  they are  not able to communicate with each other without raising voices and angers , they should get the professional advise of the family  therapist and relationship  counselor.  The  airing of grievances in the family sitting room can aggravate the problems and cut down the love quotient. Isn’t it a fact that the love still exists, we just have to bring it to the fore again.

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Premarital Counseling

images (3) Suzy  and Amit have been going steady for quite sometime now.Their families were happy that  both of them had eventually decided to get married. Suzy was happy too as she celebrated the announcement of her engagement to Amit   to all her friends by throwing a grand party. Amit too had attended the it but he did not seem to very happy with the decision. He wanted some more time to decide but had to say yes on account of family insistence.Suzy was quite taken aback by his reluctance.Suzy’s mother suggested they should consult a family  therapist.

Nalini  had finally found the love of her life when Abhishek had proposed to her . She was however zittery of sharing her life with someone for all times to come .She wanted that both she and her fiance Abhishek should consult a marriage counsellor to understand what lay in their life after wedding.

The decision to get married is a very happy moment but at the same time individuals (irrespective of the fact whether they are male or female) get very apprehensive of sharing their freedom, space, individuality and even responsibility of handing over the managing of their lives to someone else.  Falling in love and getting engaged to someone you have fancied as life partner is very fascinating.  The post engagement is a thrilling and a very delightful time. It is a time when dating, dreaming and fanciful planning takes place between the couples. Most of the couples come close and become emotionally fond of   each other. The physicality of intimacy, close proximity and the idea of having fallen in love are very intoxicating.  This period is the time to know each other and thereby cementing ties for a happy life long relationship. The couples in addition to falling in love should preferably take out some time together to get a positive premarital counseling.  Such a premarital counseling will help the couples uncover and resolve many issues that could become too late after having been married.

Let us see what the premarital counseling means to newly engaged couple:

graphic_couplePremarital Counseling –  a future Relationship Therapy: As blissful couples go through their engagement, looking at their    own ring and adoring the engagement. They get busy preparing their wedding trousseau   , finalizing   wedding plans.  There are enough people to take care of the details of the accessories.  The couple should take out some time for the most important thing of all – their relationship at present and their relationship that is being built up through the sacred marriage.  In earlier times of joint family systems, an older sister, sister in law, other seniors in the family like a grandmother, or an older aunt, some close family friend took over the counseling of the bride to be or the groom to be.  But the independent single family system has deprived such a privilege to modern couples.     Social thinkers and family psychologists recommend that each couple who has opted to get married and tie the knot should go through at least one session of premarital counseling. Couples may have specific needs in premarital counseling and therapy, such as following particular religious faith and culture, maintaining traditions of their family issues and the questions of sharing their personal world, privacy or possessions with another person and likewise, so  there could be many questions lurking about the future life.

51372915-happy-couple-in-love-datingWhat is premarital counselling? premarital counseling is advice and counseling imparted to a young couple (man and woman) who are about to get married   shortly. The counseling usually is imparted to the   couple together. But many a times individual counseling is also undertaken to  assist the individuals in removing many of  the myths, fears, misconceptions which could lead to conflicts in marriage later, if not handled at the individual level.  The premarital counseling   is facilitated by a qualified psychologist who has had the experience of dealing with marital and family problems for a long time.   The premarital counseling renders

  1. Help to the couples to identify those areas of conflict that could become problematic later on in their lives.
  1. Assist couples in developing understanding for the changed roles in their lives and the expected mutual adjustments expected from now on in their lives.
  2. Equip them with the skills to enjoy and pilot their way through a meaningful marriage successfully.
  3. To develop as responsible fun loving companions for each other and to the other family members.
  • A professional counselor   addressing the pre-marital counseling to the couple will make use of many kinds of assessment criterion to help the couple understand the rosy as well as bleak areas which could either make the marriage enjoyable journey or fill it up with   potential complications.  The psychologist will address some of the common areas given below at the time of premarital counseling:
  •  Male –female Sexuality and its implications /expectations in a married life.
  • Interests and Activities of a married couple and as individual entities
  • Role Expectations for both the partners
  • Personal Adjustment /accommodation for a successful marriage.
  • Interpersonal Communication and interfamily adjustments
  •  Culture,  Morality, Ethics,  Religion And Philosophy
  • Marriage Expectations and the changed life thereafter
  • Family Issues and mutual responsibility
  •  Finances- income- individual-shared
  • Personal growth, family growth, Children ,and Parenting

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