husband wife disputes – FAMILY THERAPY INDIA

How does work affect your marital health?

August 5, 2026August 5, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Yes it could be shocking to learn that the avocation we all take to make money and keep the life going , sometimes can be detrimental to a good marital relationship creating an unfathomable distance amongst the partners to the marriage vows .

Working that helps make money is essentially a prime requirement to a marriage preposition in modern times where both partners want to and must have their financial freedom ,realise their own dreams and wishes ,in addition to other social factors .

It is generally seen that and rightfully too ,post marriage each partner values his or her own professional identify which must have been achieved after much hard work and scholarship .

Nowadays personal careers and the progression therein are becoming important for both the individuals and none would like to give it up and compromise the professional growth .

Take the case of this couple who had been in a very passionate relationship for number of years before getting married. They have been together in school and university and had carved out a career in the same field as well .

After a few years of their marriage the wife got the opportunity of going to US on an international assignment .However husband’s family and her spouse never wanted her to go alone abroad .

They wanted her to pass on the opportunity until her husband could find such an option for himself too .

Their disagreement resulted into a marital discord . They almost had decided to part ways till they approached this family therapist . The families eventually agreed that husband and wife can visit each other on and off during her assignment abroad .

But it may not be true for everyone .Working is generally good for mental and emotional well-being. It provides a sense of purpose, money , identity and a disciplined life style. But depending on where you work, what you do, and what resources and support systems you have, work can also undermine your mental ,emotional and physical health thus compromising the marital relationship.

Work factors that may compromise your marital health can be :

Stress :A real killer of mood and emotions ,can interrupt relationships and undermine self belief.
Many of serious chronic health issues e.g. insomnia , high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, and a number of other health issues are tied to .stress . A constant high-stress at the work place environment can still leave its mark on your state of mind and effect companionship.
Burnout : Burnout happens to a be silent creeper kind , is realised only when the body and the mind completely give up .Burnout many a times misdiagnosed as depression can be a real detrimental to a good relationship.
Status comparisons between the partners on account of positions ,sense of competitions if they happen to be in the same field ,recognition etc have been seen as cause of jealousy amongst partners .A doctor couple even after a long marriage ,(where both partners were eye specialists) had a very rough time till this family therapist made them realise their professional rivalry, being the cause of their regular marital discord .
Work environment insecurity: Although the work places nowadays have both men and women working there and a sense of bon homie prevails yet an insecure partner can feel threatened when not finding similar professional environment at his or her work place .An engineer working in a government organisation developed such an insecurity about his marital relationship because of his wife working amongst other male colleagues .

Working in different cities and a long distance marital relationship is also often threatened by fidelity insecurity . It is not necessary that infidelity takes place when living far away from a marriage house ; distressing doubts ,delusions or thoughts have often been seen amongst partners working together in the same city too .However partners do find a distance relationship offering greater difficulties .

What to do if your work is harming your marital Relationship?

Prioritise Self -care : Self-care is very important for our physical, mental, and emotional health. If both the partners aren’t taking care of yourself in simple ways, like getting enough sleep, eating healthfully, and exercising regularly, your work and the work at home may become more stressful. Learn how to practice self-care both at home and at work, such as eating the right kind of food containing adequate calories and proteins ,not skipping meals and medicine in addition to drinking enough water through the day.
Practice mind calming and stress management : By learning and practicing mind calming breathing and relaxing exercises you can manage your stress well .
Identify and set up boundaries : setting up boundaries at work both in terms of relationship ,personal life and time schedule can be little difficult but it will make your life much easier to live .This is necessary to set up boundaries of time schedule ,answering calls or attending to emails for those who work from home to ensure much needed time for personal life with family.
Establish two way communication street at home : it’s important to establish two ways communication both at work and home but more so at home with the family .Selective mutism and not talking gives an impression that you aren’t paying attention to what the partner ,the kids or the other members of family At the same time not allowing others to speak too can cause resentment.Hence establish emotional connects at home .
Seek professional help when needed : it always helps to talk with a professional family therapist ,to understand the issues involved,the conflicts causing situations both at home and work and seek good solutions .You can speak to us at http://www.familytherapyindia.com
Or http://www.mansikpramarsh.co
Of course we are always there to help .

Everything you wanted to know about couple therapy..

June 16, 2026June 16, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Family therapist during meeting with a couple

In a country where approaching a psychiatrist/psychologist brings with it all kinds of taboos, fears and the unknown stigmas, reaching out to a family therapist by a couple simply can be a big uphill task. Most often the couple would prefer suffering in silence in their day to day disagreement and dispute rather than approach a professional family therapist. Approaching a therapist is often looked at as a step to lodging complaint against the partner. Couples shy off from reaching for the professional help because they do not want to disclose the problems they are having in their marriage to the family for one simple reason,”What would the people say “.

Let’s understand when do you need to approach a therapist and what process would couple therapy involve.

When you feel your communication with the spouse ends up into irritation and leads to the stomping of feet and rushing out of even a normal discussion quite regularly, the time to reflect is now.

When you feel your love has vanished and your acceptance of each other has been going down day by day, you need to be in touch with a family counselor.

When you carry strong resentment towards your partner on any account ,you should know,it is time to explore a session with a good family therapist.

When you feel you or your spouse has been losing interest in all kinds of spousal activities ,it is time to get a professional help to explore, understand, reflect and reconcile the challenges to your marriage .

Professional help can be available from an approved professionally qualified family therapist and not the usual agony aunts writing columns or providing readymade prescription to all problems.A good qualified professional family therapist necessarily should hold recognised postgraduate qualifications in family therapy in addition to a post graduate degree in psychology. The therapist should have a good standing in dealing with family therapy and counseling.

When you decide to eventually consult such a therapist you can be assured of total privacy and confidentiality of any discussion with the therapist.The professional code of privacy and confidentiality is absolutely sacrosanct for every therapist ,belying the fears “,What will people say”.

Let us now understand ,what would the therapy involve.

Usually the first session begins with the introductory process wherein the therapist is keen to understand as to what kind of issues,problems and disputes have been occurring in your family life and /or marriage.

The session involves knowing about your family history, the systems and the units of inner family circles within the family ,the communication system in your family and the power systems of the family.

The therapist is keen to understand the reasons for your contacting him/her i.e. the problems you are facing as a couple.How long has the problem been occurring and whether you have been consulting any other counselor earlier,if so what has been the impact of such counseling.

The therapist in this session evaluates the relationship the couple shares only on peripheral level as the depth of understanding and the misunderstanding would be assessed only in subsequent sessions and that too with a complete unbiased mind .It is not the task of the therapist to judge you,nor does the therapist acts as a complaint centre. The major task of the therapist is to understand the underlying emotional upheaval prevailing within the relationship of couple ,or amongst all other members of the family .

Though the families of the spouses or / and the spouses obviously look towards the family therapist as the complaint lodging centre ,but that definitely is an absolute misunderstanding of the process of family counseling .The therapist lends an unbiased ear and attention to every dispute,difference of opinion and misplaced emotions. The therapist is not a judge but a facilitator for bringing about better understanding of the misplaced emotions and feelings amongst the family members . It generally happens that the therapist is looked at as the mediator of the disputes by the family members,but mediation definitely has never been the scope of any family or couple counseling.

The therapist would also try to learn from you ,your career graph if working or in own business,the money position,the spending habits,financial interests if any and of course about the extended family members’ financial interests if any in connection with your finances.

Then again sometimes either of the spouses who has contacted the therapist,expects by default that the therapist would align with her or him ,but a true professional therapist approaches the counseling without any kind of preset mindset.The main task of the family therapist is to understand the tensions ,stresses and hindrances prevailing within the marital /family relationships and evolve better perception of the problems prevailing between the marital partners and other family members.

The couple issues could relate to any of the following:

Relationship of either spouse with in laws and other family members.
Household responsibility and commitments of members in honouring their responsibility.

Daily chores and spousal attitude towards sharing the chores.

Relationship of the spouses within and outside marital boundaries .

Marital compatibility of thoughts and emotions.
Sexual adjustments and acceptance.
Sexual orientation and attitudes towards partners.

Parenting plans ,children and parenting issues.

Communication pattern between the couple and the problems being faced in the communication.

Setting up priorities for the marriage and providing needed priority,time and space to each other in the marriage.

Modern couples also look for personal space in marriage as otherwise the relationship often gets suffocated with too much closeness .

Having understood all that has been delineated above, the therapist has to understand personalities of both the spouses ,the acceptance level or non acceptance levels of each others habits ,attitudes,opinions and daily functioning.

In fact a good therapist will help the couple evolve a new outlook and perception of their respective relationship provided ,the partners have the patience to continue with the sessions conducted over a long period of time varying from three to six months .the session may be conducted once or twice a week depending on the convenience and availability of both the spouses.

Though initially every session appears to be an exercise in raising grievances by the couple against each the other . The therapist’s intervention helps the partners read positive and negative cues of each others emotions in the right perspective and the couple soon moves from the warring zone to the negotiation levels. The negotiation is often done by the aggrieved partner to secure future as assurances and promises .The understanding levels though still remain far fetched and many more sessions will be needed to gradually establish a trusting common bond ,wherein an acceptance of each other is re-established amongst the family.

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Have you been very angry lately and find it difficult to control?

June 16, 2026June 17, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Veena a company general manager swerved her car swiftly from hitting the road divider on the highway on way back home from the office, as the driver of another car overtook without any warning or flashing the indicator. In a reflex action Veena lowered side window glass and threw expletives on the driver of the other car. She could see a lady driver in the other car too appearing to be in a hurry to reach home after the office . “It could have been the end of my life today”, thought Veena,who was in a hurry to reach home much before her husband would make it .

“Possibly the lady driving other car too has an enraged husband waiting at home . That’s why the lady appeared to be in a hurry or it is likely that she has a sick child waiting at home”, justified Veena to herself . She found the other car drivers behind her honking , who had been equally disturbed by her abrupt change of direction to the right of the road . She breathed a few more swearing as she eased her car on the road again. Such a scene has become quite common in almost all towns where people appear to be in a mad rush with the surge of anger seething under their breaths. Veena could cool anger by feeling empathy for lady driver of the other car. But how many of us can actually feel such an empathy for the one who has been the cause of our anger .

We seldom develop charitable opinion towards any one whom we feel has tried to hurt us or has been the cause of physical,emotional or mental harm to us.We would often first flare up and may be much later try to justify our anger towards the person. Veena could come out of angry stance much faster without causing any kind of damage to physical or emotional self as she had immediately associated the other person’s doing with more charitable view point. But for a minute let’s just think that Veena had responded instead with a rage and seething anger to the situation .In such an event she could have felt hypertension, anger, emotional hurt and a sense of insecurity of the road rage in her mind already occupied with many other issues of otherwise busy life at home and in her office. Veena’s open mindedness and her attitude of reflecting and then reacting actually saved her from many could have been negatives .

We have been talking of , “How to understand and handle depression” and also, “How to manage our emotions” .In order to do that we have to first learn that the word depression is not a situation of single event, it is in truth accumulation of many other events taking place in our psyche and physical self . The depression when analysed from such point of view reveals that, restlessness, irritation, anger, negative thinking, negative emotions, worry, melancholy ,feeling of isolation , lack of passion, absence of self worth and even absence of sympathy/empathy all put together become the manifestation of depression. Should we not then really focus on taking care of each of these components and rectify/control/ /or cure them individually /cumulatively to get rid of depression from our mind.

While talking of anger we realize that this particular mood is the most difficult one for all of us to manage and control.Even in anger the rage is the most damaging kind of reaction where the mind loses its power of reason and logic on account of its intransigence nature. The rage makes us most vulnerable to not only damage the perpetrator but also ourselves. Some of us might feel that if the perpetrator has damaged us then we must take it out on him and then we feel relieved . Well to each his own viewpoint but the fact remains that ,”anger is never without a reason but seldom a good one”.

But going back to Veena’s state of mind, her anger definitely arose from the sense of danger to her physical self and to that of her property(her car). But if she had not controlled herself , there would have been a chain reactions of her rage . Her foul mood would have persisted even after she had reached home would have found its victim in her children and her husband. Her emotional turmoil however soon died down as soon as she developed a more charitable and logical attitude towards the driver of other car.

The lesson learnt, “As far as possible whenever a situation for rage builds up pause for a second and logically analyse the situation. This itself will bring down the intensity of the anger and subsequent rising of the tempers”.

Let us analyse one more situation. Maharishi family has come out for a dinner with another family friend of theirs to a high class restaurant known for its elegant ambiance. As soon as the waiter had placed soup dishes on the table , Mrs Maharishi’s younger child insisted on serving the soup into her dish herself. The young baby could hardly handle the hot dish and she found herself spilling the soup all over on the table.

Mrs Maharishi burst out in anger and hit the baby hard on her back . The loud yelling of the baby startled a passing by waiter. The tray he was carrying had slipped out of his hands pouring the dish down on the customers sitting on the nearby table. Loud arguments followed in the restaurant . Eventually embarrassed Maharishi family walked out of the restaurant in a huff with their guest walking out without eating .

Many a times it would so happen that the anger comes to us in a sequence of various events and by the time we realize what has happened we end up losing control of the situation completely .This anger as we saw in the restaurant begins with one small event later on building up on the subsequent emotional reactions of angry outbursts.We just saw that anger had been building up on the earlier anger and the entire atmosphere had been converted into the inflamed oven of angry moods in the restaurant. The anger that had been just started with a small event got so intense after it found its subsequent hijacking devoid of any reason or logic .When we are engrossed into the angry atmosphere we just lose our sense of being and get carried away. This kind of anger had been built up not by the threat to the physical self but to the perceptive respectability, and disciplined family image of the Maharishi family . Mrs Maharishi felt insulted by the behavior of her child in the presence of her guests .She had hit the child rather than at that time she should have been taking control of the situation and calmed down the child.

Lesson learnt :Do Not immediately flare up and react instantly, more so when you have others around you.Take cognisance of the situation, Breathe awhile and let the anger subside within you, . You can always reflect later .Otherwise always remember that anger builds up on anger and sends an uncontrolled rush of emotional upheaval throughout the body damaging all reason and cognitive guidance of the mental faculty .

Let’s reflect on how to calm down in such situations .One way to handle anger is to allow a deviation of the mind like in Veena’s case where she had thought of empathy for the person causing the anger. Such deviation allows the mind cool down and develop a power of understanding within itself . Such power is very helpful in calming the mind always.

But in the other situation like that of Maharishi family the right way would have been to divert the attention of everyone from the scene but the intensity of the anger had been very high and hence the cognitive capabilities had been hijacked for everyone. Should we really allow that. Think how a little scolding can work better as compared to the only way of losing control of the situation and the mind completely.

Manoj and his wife had been having argument for over a week now over some trivial matter. His wife noticed that every time the argument had begun Manoj would simply slip out of the house and return much later after her temper had died down. She followed him in their next bout of angry expletives .Manoj had gone to the temple nearby and he sat amongst the bed of flowers in the green lawns of the temple. She sat next to him as he moved aside to offer her more space. All that was causing trouble in them had been forgotten .They both decided to come to the same place next time an argument would start among them.Manoj told her that he would always allow himself a cooling down period every time he lost his temper , by coming to the calm and serene garden. Such distraction really works wonders on the mind and makes it one with the atmosphere .

Lesson learnt : Move out to the place of your liking when you get angry. The place can be the garden nearby, a place of worship, a coffee shop, a favourite restaurant, a small drive around the corner .There you can reflect calmly on the atmosphere around rather than pursuing the train of anger from which you have just execused yourself .

Such actions appear very ridiculous in nature but they work very powerfully on our mind and bring down the rising temperatures in no time.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist , Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert .

Family Always Comes First

Healing Dysfunctional Family Relationships

June 8, 2026June 8, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Families are often envisioned as the cornerstone of love, support, and growth. However, the reality is far more nuanced, with many families grappling with the complexities of dysfunction, unresolved conflicts, and intergenerational trauma. In this blog post, we will deep-dive into the profound impacts of dysfunctional family dynamics, exploring real-life examples and therapeutic insights to understand the journey towards healing and restoring familial harmony.

The Ripple Effects of Dysfunction:

Meet Kritika and Vijay (names changed), whose experiences epitomize the enduring repercussions of dysfunctional family environments. Their stories resonate deeply with countless individuals who have experienced familial dysfunction. Kritika and Vijay, having weathered tumultuous family dynamics in their formative years, continue to grapple with the emotional scars, even a decade into their marriage. Their unresolved traumas have cast a long shadow over their parenting journey, as their children inherit the legacy of unresolved conflict and emotional turmoil.

Dr. Kritika, a pseudonym for a real individual, provides a poignant example of the intergenerational transmission of dysfunction. Raised amidst the daily tumult of her parents’ disputes, she and her siblings bore witness to a triangular drama that played out with agonizing regularity. Lines were drawn, allegiances shifted, and familial bonds strained under the weight of unresolved grievances .

The ripple effects of dysfunctional family dynamics extend far beyond the immediate participants, permeating the lives of subsequent generations. Individuals like Sejal, Sonia, Kamolika, Anand, and Sumit, though fictional in name, embody the collective struggles of those who have endured traumatic family events. From PTSD and anxiety to deep-seated mistrust and unresolved phobias, the psychological toll of dysfunctional family dynamics reverberates through every facet of their lives. Moreover, their own children and spouses find themselves unwitting participants in a cycle of dysfunction, perpetuating the cycle unless intervention occurs.

Understanding Triangulation:

Central to our understanding of dysfunctional family dynamics is the concept of triangulation. What begins as innocuous interactions can quickly devolve into accusations, misunderstandings, and unresolved emotions, with family members unwittingly assuming roles as perpetrators, victims, or mediators. Left unchecked, these patterns of dysfunction can become entrenched, eroding familial bonds and hindering individual growth.

Yet, amidst the turmoil, there is hope. Through innovative therapeutic approaches, families can take on healing and reconciliation, managing past trauma to embrace a future defined by mutual understanding and support.

The Path to Healing:

At our organization, we offer a framework for addressing the underlying issues that contribute to familial dysfunction, empowering you to break free from the shackles of intergenerational trauma. Central to this process is the cultivation of empathy and understanding, both within the family unit and in the broader community.

By creating a safe space for open dialogue and honest communication, we begin the healing process, allowing individuals to confront their past traumas and head towards a brighter future. Through individual and group therapy sessions, families learn to navigate conflict constructively.

For individuals like Kritika and Vijay, the journey towards healing is challenging, but ultimately important. By confronting their past traumas and embracing a future defined by mutual respect and understanding, they lay the foundation for a closer bond.

Conclusion

Through therapeutic support, families heal and reconcile, overcoming past trauma for mutual understanding. Together, we can break the cycle of dysfunction.

Are you a happy couple or an unhappy one but you are in love.Pick up some Tips for Building a life lasting Relationship

March 14, 2026March 14, 2026 Ramneek Kapoor

Ankur and Meeta have been married for a number of years now . They seem to have been having serious thoughts on their relationship already. The couple have been staying with and without each other quite frequently in all these four years . One small tiff and the bags get packed . Meeta gets back to her mother’s house, or if she does not go out then it’s Ankur who would shift to the separate bedroom at the first floor of the house. The accusations and blames keep them apart for a few months, till one of them apologizes.They come together and the honeymoon begins again . Ankur’s mother has by now adjusted to their frequent bouts, as it has become a routine affair. Meeta wants Ankur should be dynamic in today’s competitive world and drop his laid back attitude .She would like him to move fast in his career ,and match the dynamism,she feels she is equipped with.For Ankur,the priorities are his family,his ailing mother who needs him and hence he feels satisfied with his progress.

Somewhat similar story has been going on between Bhuvan and Anita .Their 16 years of marriage has come to a stand still with both virtually accusing each other of neglect and oppression .Anita blames Bhuvan of having neglected her for all their marriage period. She feels she could have done better if she had adopted a career so that she could get away from the demands of married life. Bhuvan on the other hand feels oppressed, saying, ” She has been a very demanding wife and does not allow me to breathe freely .I need space of my own now”. he continues, ” from the day we began dating each other she has been like this always”.

But does it happen only after marriage. Not necessarily . Ashy and Neelu end up quarreling on every date even though they would be making up soon. The new issue would come at the next date . For them ,it is wonderful feeling to be in love and date each other. The couple meets for awhile and then pine for each other till they meet at the next date.

While dating prior to the commitment made to each other for a long term relationship, everything is seen by the lovers from behind the rosy shades of love and affection for each other. The emotions of possessiveness and yearning do not allow the lovers to think of and bring in the mundane communication of a daily grinds of life.

It is definitely fine for short term love / date experiments .But being in a long-term relationship isn’t merely pining for the lover’s physical proximity and intimacy alone. Being in long term relationships will involve managing and taking care of many other lives in addition to the lives of the lovers. And it is not an easy task. Both people need to accommodate themselves to new family atmosphere and new relationships in their lives ( which come into their lives as an inheritance of marrying each other) . May be a few years later they will have to raise their own children to make their family a complete unit.

The lovers need to then communicate over many other issues in addition to the romance and love in marriage. The issues that gain priority over love may pertain to jobs and careers, money and household expense, household work and taking care of the babies, social, cultural and religious affairs, parenting and in many cases taking care of the aged and old in the families.

As a couple begins their journey into the long-term relationship of wedded bliss, their love for each other many a times may take a back seat and the love gets reduced to a few stolen kisses and quickies here and there. The couple forgets about nurturing and keeping the flame of love and desire for each other alive. Soon the infatuation of physical hunger wears off and then the focus shifts from the affection to the problems.

The stark realities of need for more money, career priorities and of culture, of religion, and of family may cause concerns and small squabbles. Before these squabbles get blown into major issues and a beautiful relationship begins to disintegrate. The couple needs to understand that every relationship is important in life and more so with the one with whom you have to spend your life time.

Needless to say, that every difference and misunderstanding should be treated as worth working for and saving, once the infatuation begins to fade.

Communication in person and not on the social media , is the only tool and doorway to establish a better understanding. The couple, need to take up all those problems that are causing strangled relationship .It is always good to keep the bedroom stories confined to four walls of the personal bedrooms .But should the couple feel they are not able to communicate with each other without raising voices and angers , they should get the professional advise of the family therapist and relationship counselor. The airing of grievances in the family sitting room can aggravate the problems and cut down the love quotient. Isn’t it a fact that the love still exists, we just have to bring it to the fore again.