Energising your Relationships

img-20190313-wa0000-444810066.jpgI love to go to a garden nearby to look at the plants growing and to savor their fragrant breeze full of oxygen and greens. And let me tell you I do love to speak to the plants in the morning as they open up their lovely flowers to the rising Sun and rebuild their energy which they gather from the sunlight .At home we do not have a lawn where we could grow these plants (we live in an apartment) . But on the top of the building where we have managed to rent a terrace we do have a few pots with plants. These plants have very tenderly been reared by my daughter with great care and love. I have seen the fresh flowers of white, red and yellow colors bloom to the plants virtually growing from little buds to the full blown beautiful flowers. Whenever I go the terrace I water them, talk to them and make sure they feel loved and taken care of by me and feel happy about this. I feel my conversing with my plants exactly is the reason these plants have grown from tiny saplings to the full grown plants adorning their smile into these flowers.
Similar to these little saplings and plants all kinds of relationships need constant communication, love, tender care, nurturing and sunshine of trust and admiration. If any of the same is missing our relationships tend to get withered away just as all those seedlings died which had not been attended to by me.
We would often take our relationships for granted once we have formed them. We allow the novelty and the freshness of each other’s company wear of, thinking, “now that we have each other where the hell can the person go”. It is easy to do that as you get busy with the daily grinds of life. But like the delicate plants that were given extra care by me to grow, each relationship too needs to be handled with full involvement and care.
In a relationship or in a friendship, we need to regularly spread the showers of mutual understanding, of admiration the nurture and love. Not all relationships may require you to go out of your way to attend to them. A periodic touch of getting to know about each person as to how he or she is living life ensures we do not feel cut off and likewise the other person too feels in touch. In the current age of internet and social media though people are always available online, yet the lack of personal touch and physical presence of good listeners is felt by one and all. People living under the same roof and sleeping in the common bedroom become strangers as they remain occupied in their own virtual world of WhatsApp.Facebook,instagram,twitter and other online social media apps.
I have many a times met such husbands and wives who do not have either time or an empathetic ear for each other to give at least a hearing to the partners when they need to talk. Being there with an empathetic attitude and listening with patience to the other’s point of view can go a long way in solving many compatibility issues the couples face in their marital life.
I am currently meeting and counseling quite a few numbers of families, where all family members have agreed to spend at least two evenings in a week on working days and every alternate weekend in a month together on family outing or family dinner and they have shown wonderful results in their understanding of each other. The faces of the family members more especially the younger members beam smiles as big as the rose in the picture above after they find their parents spending a quality time with them in such a positive manner.

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Just as we need to take care of the plants, saplings and flowers an protect them from all kinds of weeds, strong winds, too much of sunshine, the same way we need to tend to the relationship by giving our empathetic, loving , and understanding physical presence and listening ears  to all family members.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.

family therapyFamily will survive all storms with a little patience and perseverance
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What should you do if your marriage partner is having an affair ?

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Every marital relationship is based on mutual trust and understanding. If ever such a question as mentioned in the headline above arises, your immediate response obviously would be, “I would definitely divorce him/her”, and that being an overstatement, you might get agitated and say, “I shall confront him/her and then ask him either to leave the person or leave me”. It is obvious we cannot tolerate cheating of any kind in our life more so if it comes from a marital partner. Hence the response from many without second thought would be, “I will kick him/her out “.

But what will be your reaction, if I ask you to reconcile with your partner in spite of all the betrayal inflicted.

Some of you will say,”He is talking out of his hat,” but trust me there are many others who would want to reconcile despite being betrayed. They’re willing to forgive and believe they can mend the marriage and bring around their partner to see the reason and come back to the marital fold.

It is true that most of us just cannot accept the idea of forgiving a cheating spouse, but you never know how you’ll react to that situation until it happens to you,

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It becomes an altogether a different story when you’re faced with the decision of ending a marital relationship and the consequences thereafter you have actually ended many years long held marriage . You have spent a good part of your life setting up the marital home and then all of a sudden the fairy tale dream turns into a nightmare. It can really be shattering for both partners involved and more so I’d say if you have had kids in this marriage.

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Some of the things that could affect the decision making to either hold on to marriage or move out of the relationship could be —living life without a father for the kids, living life without the kids, living life with lesser money, moving into parental home or moving into a smaller house, a different or lower standard of living, the possibility of looking for a new marriage partner again, and the prospects of your accepting the new life/new partner in your life. In totality it involves tearing up your years of brick by brick built home. Yes cheating is definitely unacceptable as it has undermined your value as a marriage partner and more so as a self respecting individual. But for many people it can be worth it to try to reconcile and rebuild from there. The decision to divorce is a punishment at both ends. It punishes the perpetrator and the victim both ie., The partner who has cheated gets that nightmare too.

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If you have already made up your mind and you are in the process of divorce proceedings, we will advise you to at least give it a good second thought and pay attention to the possibility of reconciliation through the family counseling. If you decide to save your marriage and reconcile your marital relationship, you may want to follow some of the following important steps: advice:

-Do not just spy on your spouse: just expression of doubts can trigger distrust in marriage and if you have asked someone to follow your partner this spells into total betrayal. You have to learn to be a leader of your marriage and not a follower. Your integrity is the key word to your being the leader in your marriage.

-Just hang on to your marriage. The affair your spouse has been indulging into could be a passing fad and may end soon. It had been observed that most of post marriage affairs end up in 9 to 12 months time. Though you do not want to live this torture for so long but it could be worth it to save your marriage for your children.

-Your kindness can become the key factor. You do not have to treat your spouse with disdain, hatred or anger. You can be more accepting, more accessing, more sympathetic and more tolerant towards your spouse during this period. The kind attitude shown by you will bring about a feeling of guilt, repentance sooner than later and act on the conscious of your spouse.

-Use your seductive charms to your advantages.Do Not just grieve over what has happened and neglect yourself. On the contrary now is the time to use your seductive powers and your sexualities to charm the person like the proverbial music played by a snake charmer. Do not withdraw yourself into a shell; rather be more outgoing and more inviting to your spouse.

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Soon you will notice the competition dying down and the vagrant partner returning back to marital fold. Even if it doesn’t happen soon do not give up, extend the rope a little more by your killing charms and soon the effect will take place.

Once the victory is yours, do not celebrate with a war cry. Maintain your dignity self respect and do not have a showdown with your spouse.You don’t want a spouse back with a dented confidence.Act natural and let the spouse gradually become so over a period of time.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.

family therapyFamily will survive all storms with a little patience and perseverance.

Perceptive Meditation and Mindfulness

download“Perceptive Meditation enables you live in and with your breath taking your mind away from your anxiety stress and worries of life .It empowers you to live in the moment with complete mindfulness of your soul ,body and mind “. Ramneek Kapoor.

What is Perceptive Meditation and What is Mindfulness ?

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“Perceptive Meditation is the intense involvement of body and mind into deep meditation on the psychic centres being fully aware of the moment and the breathe present in every living moment in its total intensity”

Mindfulness refers to the process of focussing complete attention to the present moment of life and living life in its every moment with complete awareness .This enables acceptance of life’s every moment in its totality and being aware of life in a non judgemental manner .In a way Perceptive Meditation and Mindfulness both work in the same direction for the same purpose.

How do Perceptive Meditation and Mindfulness help when Practiced together
  • Both are practiced with the mind fully present in the here and now
  • Perceptive meditation through the process of Srir Preksha {Perceptive Meditation on various parts of human body each focussed separately } helps the protagonist meditate on the various parts of the body to experience both the negative and the positive without reacting or expressing any likes or the dislikes, love or hatred for any part , making the journey of the mind through the pleasant or the unpleasant thoughts sans reactions and thus developing a feeling of equanimity in all kinds of circumstances. Mindfulness is similar way of experiences of the pleasant and unpleasant being fully aware and feeling unthreatened .
  • Perceptive meditation develops better connect to the self and in the process bringing better acceptance of the internals with the externals, and of the other humans in the world around with complete mindfulness
  • The process of practising deep meditation in total mindfulness of the psychic centres brings about a complete peace of mind, a better physical , mental and emotional health in the individual and empowers with the cosmic energy.
  • The process of kayotsarga ie, the progressive mindful journey on all the body parts and psychic centres to dissociate the psychic centres and body parts consciously from the mind brings about a total; celestial self-awareness
  • The process of Lesya Preksha (mindful perception of the celestial colourful lights )on the psychic centers brings about a total peace of mind, better mental and emotional health and develops acceptance of all kinds of ups and downs in life without extreme reactions , thus empowering the mind for better tolerance and understanding .
  • Mindful perceptive meditation of the psychic centres helps separate the thoughts from the emotions distinguishing imagined from the reality.
  • Mindful perceptions of the psychic centres teaches to the practitioner that everything is temporal and that everything changes; that same way emotions, thoughts and feelings are also short-lived and temporary like the weather.Nothing remains permanent .
  • Perceptive meditation with total mindfulness brings about better balance of mind and emotional stability.
  • Mindful Perceptive Meditation brings about serenity ,calmness and peacefulness.
  • The mindful perceptive meditation makes the practitioner aware of the negative and the positive both and trains to focus the mind on positives .

Perceptive Meditation, Mindfulness and Psychotherapy

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Mindful Perceptive Meditation on Psychic Centres is a very powerful, evidence-based meditation tool for enhancing emotional ,psychological and mental health.

It has very successfully been used as an effective intervention in a wide range of clinical disorders, including bodily distress disorder,psychosomatic pains, chronic stress disorder, anxiety disorders, depression, PTSD, OCD, substance abuse, and other neurotic and psychotic disorders bringing relief to the affected .

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.

logo family therapyFamily will survive all storms with a little patience and perseverance