These few checks can help you in finding the best Family Therapist for you.
I can understand, it has taken you a lot of cajoling, persuasion and the advice to finally discuss your problems pertaining to the relationships within the family with a professional family therapist and counselor. I congratulate you, for having had the courage to involve a professional person to help you look afresh at your most personal matters. Trust me this is the correct step taken by you. But in order to ensure this exercise does not prove a futile effort, you will obviously need the professional advice in selecting the best family therapist, who can really understand, analyze and in complete confidence help both the partners involved reach thoroughly evaluated, educated and right decisions.
Seema, had been facing similar such problems in her marriage. She had been taken to the psychiatrist/ psychotherapist for therapy by her family, least realizing that the problem for Seema had not been a psychotic issue but her marital situation involved a mutual companionship, adjustment and compatibility issues.Such a step taken in haste without the professional advice had obviously proven quite expensive resulting in the loss of time and money. Seema found that her family on both sides had looked at her with such suspicion, as if she was a monster suffering from some kind of mental issues.
Here is what had happened in the event of unprofessional urgency:
- Seema who did not suffer from any kind of psychotic disorder had been prescribed anti anxiety/ anti psychotic medicines.
- She was not able to attend to her regular office work and the sufferings could be seen in her daily interaction with her other family members.
- Her children too suffered while her husband continued to declare that he was always right and that the fault greatly happened to be with his wife’s mental illness.
I believe since Family Therapy is a service to the members of the society and involves the maintenance of peace, prosperity and stability of family life I will help give you some guidelines that can be useful for you to take the right decision in the selection of the perfect Family Therapist and Relationship Counselor. These pointers are:
- Go to the internet: While internet has been a source of many good or bad products in the online market place, it at least provides you a beginning. You should browse and scan all the information available about the family therapists servicing your area. You can also find the information available on the websites of the family therapists who offer you online counseling, just in case you may find it inconvenient to visit in person. You should particularly look for such family therapists who have been contributing to the building of the education platform for such important issues of family therapy and relationship building. Some of the internet platforms have the rating systems for their verified advertisers, pay attention to the ratings of the therapists.
- Check with Friends : Seeking opinion/recommendation of friends though could be little difficult since you may not like to discuss your bedroom issues or personal problems .But family therapy today generally happens to be a very vast area involving counseling and therapy to all members of the family i.e. the elders, the teenagers, the newly married or the middle aged. People who have issues connected with the problems, situations, pertaining to such areas would be benefited if they discuss this with family, friends or even institutions. There is every possibility some of your family/friends must have been to a family therapist. Some good judgment will have to be maintained since in our society people do attach (even in modern times) stigma to the visit to a counselor or a therapist. We have a case where a girl’s mother who had come for her daughter’s counseling did not want to disclose the name of the therapist to her own real sister ( who was also in urgent need of counseling and therapy) fearing the future of her daughter would be affected negatively by such disclosure. But trust me all family therapy is complete confidential .It is mandatory for the therapist to maintain non disclosure and confidentiality of his clients.
- Recommendation online: Comments and recommendations given by the earlier clients of the therapists do tell about their satisfaction levels and experiences with therapists. You must check such remarks, comments and recommendations. Your gut feel can definitely tell you if these hold true.
- Male or Female Family therapist: You will have to decide your own comfort level in this matter. If you are comfortable talking to the member of your own sex you can choose accordingly or if you believe you want to take up your therapy with both the male and female therapists, you can opt for a clinic where both male / female are available for counseling and therapy . Nowadays many husband –wife as couple therapists practice together.
- Differentiate between a Family Therapist or a Psychologist: It is necessary for a family therapist to have the prescribed professional qualification and credentials for the Family Therapy in addition to the prescribed degree in Psychology.It is certainly not possible that the psychologist will be having the required insight into the family therapy theories and systems. You consult a family therapist when the matters relate to relationships within the family which affect the very institution of your family systems .You will need a family therapist when there are issues of generation gap, mutual understanding matters, matters of the discipline of the youngsters, when the husband-wife communication, elders-youngsters communication etc.,are involved..A psychologist will be needed for the unexplained negativity, behavioral and emotional disorders or serious matters connected with the psychotic/neurotic disorders.
- Make Phone calls/ Fix an appointment for Personal Visit: I have often seen people do not call on the therapist even when they feel the urgent necessity .Procrastination often leads to the problem getting out of hand. So do not just keep that short list of the family therapists that you have by now taken down from the internet with you. You must act on it and start calling them on the phone in order to pick up the one that suits you best. Initially you can just give a brief idea to the therapist as to why you want to meet him or her. Discuss your problem if the family therapist is willing to listen on the phone .Many family therapist do handle counseling online (and they charge for the same) but in case where other family are likely to be involved for future discussion I would advise you to fix up an appointment and go and meet the family therapist on the appointed day and time in his/her clinic. You are definitely moving towards finding the best possible solution to your needs.
-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.
Family is everything .
Tanisha (name changed) has been married for seven years into her second marriage. Her earlier marriage had not last long enough and before she could realize that she has been married, she was out of the wedlock.Her husband of her first marriage , could not take to her low mood and low self esteem.He called it quits in one years time. She had met Sunit (name changed ) through the family social circle. Sunit an employed engineer , despite his having divorced her wife from his first marriage had appealed to the family so much that without any kind of verification etc., Tanisha had been married off to him . It was all rosy picture for the first few months of her new marital life . She had moved with him to another city where he was posted on his job. Soon she had been blessed with a baby. Things started to go wrong the moment she had announced her being pregnant to her husband. Sunit found it difficult to continue in the job he was holding. He quit the job .They moved back to his parents home.They have both become dependent on his parents meager income of rentals and pension. Tanisha later learnt that Sunit’s earlier divorce had happened on account of his inability to continue into any job for longer period.
It is obvious Tanisha has to bear the brunt of her husband being unemployed . She is mistreated by her mother in law too. Tanisha has been moving forth between her parents house and her in laws like a bouncing ball very frequently. The last time she had been away for over six months ( this being longest period of her leaving her husband ). Yet she comes back every time .Every month it happens either she is told to leave her in laws’ place by her mother in law or her husband or she would leave in a huff after the fight vowing never to come back . Her life goes on in spite of the mental, physical , emotional , economic and social abuse.Neither her parents want her to leave her husband nor is she confident enough to lead her life independently.
The relationship that Tanisha has been undergoing is a regular feature in her life, as she has been treated very badly in childhood by some of the family members, and again by some of the boy friends in her teens when she was into college.
It has been observed that Women ( irrespective of the fact that they are married or not ) stay in abusive relationships due to a combination of low self-esteem, still low self confidence ,lack of family support ,poor other alternatives . This is also compounded by the time and efforts they have invested to rectify the current relationship, find the research recently conducted . The results indicate that 88% of women continue their relationships with their abusive partner over longer periods. The women just do not have the courage to move out of the relationships and leave their partners. even after having been abused over longer relationships , many women ( many men too ) with lack of self esteem and lack of self confidence find it hard to leave their partner. They just prefer enduring the abusive relationship having lost all their trust in their own capabilities.
The low self-esteem in women can be the result of having undergone childhood abuse — which can instill fear of the unknown change .Doubts of self empowerment can raise their tolerance for abuse, and neglect . Such women have reported at least one incident of abuse in their early life , whether physical or psychological.Psychological abuse included things like, “touching inappropriately by a friend or a relative”, “ being bullied in their childhood”, ” being called fat or ugly”, ” having been ignored by parents, guardians, or“ being hurled insults by teachers , tutors, classmates or companions “.Most of the abuse the study indicates are psychological.
When Pooja and Prakash had been advised by their friends to consult a family therapist , they had virtually not known , “what questions they should go and ask the counsellor”.Pooja and Prakash both have had a very private life . To them it was a very big task to go and meet a stranger and discuss about their love and the daily issues that had been causing the lovers’ tiff amongst newly engaged couple .Theirs had been an arranged affair. Pooja’s brother and Prakash’s father worked in the same office . The meeting was arranged by the family after they learnt from Prakash’s father that they had been looking for a match for their son. Things materialised too fast and before she could realise what had happened , they had been committed to each other. Pooja at times felt , she could have taken some more time to decide, and so did Prakash. They wanted that they should know each other better before they plunge into the final nod of ,matrimony.
What should the couple ask a psychologist counselor could be the dilemma with every who is in the process of tying the knots in the near future. Some of the questions that a young couple may have in mind could be :
Let’s Understand a few facts: We as individual live in a predetermined, self imposed ,self selected privacy as we go about our daily living in families and in various roles of society. Yet within this privacy we do have the necessary social interaction and relationships. Marital counseling can help the couple develop a relationship that has the inbuilt system of allowing space to both the spouses and yet bring about the required intimacy for enjoying the new relationship. The couple should evolve like two full grown flowers that spread a common fragrance of love and affection and yet appear beautiful in their own individual identity. Every couple knows that their Dedication to Marriage will build stronger relationships. Their dedication towards each other will bring about a strong love for each other, a sense of humor, willingness to grow up together, necessary strength for working towards a common cause, shared and tolerance for each other’s religious and cultural beliefs, and commonality of life’s goals. This dedication will be built upon love, affection, empathy, allowance, understanding, commitment, communication, friendship and of course yearning for companionship. All these adjectives together make a beautiful garden known as the marriage. One such missing petal can cause the whole flowers fall apart hence the mental strength gained through premarital counseling will provide the necessary feed, , sunlight and the nurturing to the romancing couple and of course the bring down the ever rising divorce rate the world over.
FAMILY THERAPY INDIA 